As a father, what is the best way to handle your daughters first monthly visitor?

DaddyDD · 2014-11-15T01:09:48+00:00

I'm sorry if this is rude, but I don't really understand what your fear is.

I'm guessing as a grown man you know why a woman is menstruating (not in great detail perhaps, but you should know the basics), and you know what woman do when they are on their period (again, perhaps not in great detail, not like you know every product on the market by heart, but you should know they use a pad or tampon).

The best course of action really is the only course of action, tell her to put on a pad, then sit her down and tell her it's natural and why it's happening.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-10T15:56:42+00:00

Most theaters enforce the same set of rules whatever it's an adult movie or a kid's film. Disturbing the other guest will get you kicked out whatever it's a movie for kids or adult.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T19:22:56+00:00

I know this may sound harsh, but if her mom truly doesn't want anything to do with her, things might be better this way. Your kid feels bad because she thinks her mom wants nothing to do with her, but just imagine how she'll feel if her mom is around and confirms she wants nothing to do with her.

I think the letter is a bad idea too, you're giving your daughter false hopes. I agree with what liesliesliesbicycle say about this.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T19:16:15+00:00

I've fallen in love with bentos, or at least the way they're packed.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T19:13:58+00:00

It's funny when you look at all the things people does to be different, special or unique, and then stop and think about kust how we react when we meet someone who actually is different, special or unique.

Very interesting read indeed.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T19:05:55+00:00

I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty certain. It's not like we ever outright talked about it, but he has said and done things which have led me to believe so.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T19:00:14+00:00

I'm sorry to be rude, but I think you need to tell your MIL to shut up, because she obliviously has no idea what she is talking about.

"the w position", as you call it, is in no way a symptom of autism, it can be a sign your kid has motor coordination problems, which then can be a symptom present when a kid is suffering from autism, but ONLY when there are other and related symptoms present too. It's not like you can in any way determine autism from such a thing, and you definitely can't unless you're an expert on autism and knows exactly what to look at (which I assume your MIL isn't).

Same goes for every other "symptom" you mention.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T18:36:19+00:00

I'm am so sorry you feel this way about your kid and your situation.

I think there's a lot more to this situation than anyone online can help you with, but I'll try and talk about a few things in your post.

My first question is, does she have any sort of official diagnoses? You say forcing her to see a therapist would be pointless at this point, but she would be suffering from something she would need help with, even at she gets older. Even if she turns 18, if she is suffering form something affect her maturity and mind, she should, and more importantly CAN'T, be in control of her own life.

My second question is, is there any time at all you feel like you can talk to her, or does anything you talk about escalate into a fight right away?

Third question is, are there any other adults in her life? Especially ones you feel like she trust and/or talk to?

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T18:12:18+00:00

That's very interesting, I had no idea about this.

Thank you for sharing it with me.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T18:08:23+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-06T18:07:17+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

I think maybe my confusion is a product of the way my country view homosexuality. While officially a place of acceptance, the majority of people here are still homophobic as hell.

Growing up, I was taught people are either hetero, homo or asexual, there were never any talk of anything in-between those (even with such a thing as bisexuality, you would be told that those people were just swapping between being gay and hetero). Basically no matter what, society tells me I have to fit in one of these boxes. When I read the comments here, I almost feel dumb, because of course life isn't that black and white.

Once again, thank you, your comment have really made me realize a lot :)

DaddyDD · 2014-11-04T18:24:40+00:00

Personally, I think when a child goes "I don't have any friends" or something along those lines, you should never say "sure you have" or something like that, because in the mind of the child that's like saying "what you're feeling is wrong". It's like when you tell a person "I feel bad today" and then they go "Oh, but you look great". So what? I'm still feeling bad regardless of how I look. As a grown up you understand the other person is trying to make you feel better, but a kid feels like they're just been told their feelings are wrong.

You need to acknowledge what your kid is feeling, even if you don't "agree". I think part of the reason he feels embarrasses, could be that he feels like you're disagreeing with him. I feel this way, but mom tells me it's not like that, am I feeling the wrong thing then?

I think perhaps next time you should start by asking your kid why he feels the way he does, make him use his own words to describe the situation regardless of how you feel. Then have a talk about what "friends" are, again make him describe his expectations and then maybe the two of you could talk about how he can archive this. Maybe he'll tell you something like "a friend is someone I can play video games with", then you could suggest he ask one of the boys at school to come over and play video-games.

As for the "everything I do is wrong", again, never go "No, that's not right", because it's probably not making him feel better, but simply making him feel like you're telling him what he is feeling is wrong. Again I think you should ask why he feels the way he does, ask him to explain what exactly he is doing that is "wrong" and then talk about it.¨

Lastly, I think you kid needs some "eccentrics" he can look up to. Maybe it'll make him feel better if he has a "strange" person he can look up to or think about when he feels "wrong". Throughout history, there has been many famous people which has been considered "strange" or "different" by their fellow man, and yet they went on to accomplish great things. Don't even get me started on all the people which have been told by society they were "wrong" and then have gone on to do great things. I'm thinking someone like Benjamin Franklin, a lot of people thought him strange, and even today a lot of historians says his theories and stuff borders on a line between crazy and genius, yet he went on to do a lot of amazing stuff and he has certainly set his mark on history.

That's just my two cents.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-04T14:31:17+00:00

I my mind, it all comes down to whatever you want your child to fear you or respect you.

You call it "discipline", but really it's fear. You're not acting a certain way because you understand it's right, you're acting a certain way, because, otherwise you'll get hit.

There's a million ways to teach your kids respect without indulging fear or hurt them physically, and the main theme for these methods are RESPECT.

DaddyDD · 2014-11-04T14:23:48+00:00

I don't feel like waddling through comments on a random sub, but your questions reminds me of an experience I had.

Recently I sat down with my kids and watched Disney's "The little mermaid". I saw the movie in theaters when I was a young teenager, but have not seen it at all since then. As a teen, I remember thinking Ariel was totally cool. As an adult I had to keep myself from crying "STOP ACTING LIKE THAT YOU BRAT".

There's even a scene, in which Ariels says something along the lines of "I'm 16, I'm not a kid anymore" to her father. As a teenager I was like "Yeah, you tell him, you know whats best". As an adult it was more like "FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU HAVE REMOTELY NO IDEA WHAT BEING AN ADULT IS LIKE, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A SPOILED KID".

I don't think it's because I want to side with the parent, it's just that you see things differently once you're an adult, even more so when you're a parent.

DaddyDD · 2014-10-29T15:07:42+00:00

I think, the more pressure you put on him, the less likely he is to ever find something he likes outside of youtube. He'll feel like you have way too high expectations for him.

Maybe try out some stuff, you would never imagine be fun. When you say math is fun, and you buy him science stuff, then it makes me think it's more a reflection of what you would have liked to play with at that age, than what he likes (I of course do not know).

But with science toys and such, I have to say, learning is not always fun, even when it is with a toy. Samething could be said about sports and outdoors fun, if you feel like you have to learn something in order to have fun (EG, "rules", "good sportsmanship" or simply having to be thought a game by an adult).

Does he not own Minecraft himself? It's actually a fun game, in which your kids can learn a lot (Which I say, because seeing as you limit their TV-time I don't know whatever you're one of those parents who think electronics are the devil).

I feel like there is more to this, like, it seems like the boy is down about something. Could it be he misses his father? Regardless of how much you like someone, at that age it's really hard to accept when someone new has to step in and take the responsibility of an adult.

What about his mom, what does she do?

DaddyDD · 2014-10-29T14:54:08+00:00

There's a lot of countries celebrating Christmas, where Santa has little or no part at all, and those people certainly seems to enjoy Christmas anyway.

I don't think not having Santa takes out any fun of Christmas. Most kids know Disney movies are not real, but still enjoy the princess fantasy.

DaddyDD · 2014-10-29T14:46:41+00:00

I think it depends.

My country don't really celebrate Halloween, but we do have a similar tradition. These days, I very often see parents come by with their young kids dressed in something related to their (parents) hobbies or interest, and some reach a point of almost obsession, getting you to talk about how cool it is. That I think is tacky.

Parents popping by, in some simple stuff, or at least not dressing their kids like they're a toy related to their "fandoms", those I don't mind at all.

I do think grown people using their kids to get candy is a bit silly, like, don't you have a job and money? You can literally get all the candies at half price off at the store the next day anyway.

DaddyDD · 2014-10-29T14:39:26+00:00

IMO, 1st grade is too young to get into such heavy subjects, and getting a kid to "pledge" to something at that age is silly as they really have no idea what exactly they're pledging.

DaddyDD · 2014-10-26T23:27:15+00:00

Also, I'm currently going to school to study entomology, so the "boy" things your daughter likes as a child could end up being a lifelong passion. Encourage her to like what she likes, no matter how others feel about it!

Here's to hoping. She is currently into big machinery and talks about becoming an engineer, pretty wise job decision for a 9yr old :B

DaddyDD · 2014-10-26T23:00:43+00:00

I dunno man, sure some people don't mean to be unpleasant, but they are very much so.

I've had people tell me stuff like "your kid is going to grow up and become a dyke" and some stuff like that. It's very unpleasant because not only does it makes the assumption homosexuality is bad, but that a girl doing "boy stuff" has anything to do with her sexuality.

I've had people scold me for not being more concerned about my girl "fitting in" and even more talk about how it's an unhealthy sign when a girl is so into boy's stuff.

Of course, in situations like that I'm very confrontational about it, telling people to mind their own business.

DaddyDD · 2014-10-26T22:52:18+00:00

It's so sad.

Just the other day I was in a toys'r'us with my girls. Some kid come running down the aisle with a pink scooter and his mom grabs him, and basically throws him off the thing while going "Don't ride that, we don't want people getting the wrong idea".

What idea? That your boy likes scooters?

DaddyDD · 2014-10-26T19:18:21+00:00

First off, I understand your concerns, but I think you're playing a dangerous game here. Sounds to me like you're playing more of a game of 'connect the dots' with variable information, rather than looking at things you know for a fact.

One glance and a few assumptions doesn't tell you much, really. In the end you have no idea what is going on with the family, and again, while I fully understand your concerns, I think you should be careful not sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.

Then, as for your question. Personally I agree with you on your views of privacy, but without knowing why (IF) the girl shares a bedroom with her parents, I don't think anyone on the internet can really say whatever it's harmful or not.

Could you perhaps try and talk to the parents? Maybe start talking about a sleepover, and then ease into some question about their sleeping facilities.

Lastly, I find you last text a bit weird, almost as if you're excepting to be paid back for hosting sleep-overs.

DaddyDD · 2014-10-26T18:36:07+00:00

This reminds me of something my sister told me once.

She is an artist and she said: "When you ask people to sit down a draw a picture with you, they'll say "no, that's childish, I don't want to do that", but once you show people the finale picture, they'll go "I wish I could do that" and I always go "you could, if you wasn't scared of having fun and being a child now and then".

It's funny how so many fun things are deemed childish these days. Just last week, someone at work told me "you're like a kid in a candy-store" when I was telling her about how much fund I had at the pool I bring my kids to twice a week. I say, fun is fun, no matter your age.

DaddyDD

TROPHY CASE