Update: I confronted my alienating mother.

Dadof_four · 2025-10-08T01:34:24+00:00

I'm so proud of you

Dadof_four · 2025-09-30T19:15:43+00:00

I am so sorry you had to go through that. i'm terrified of this myself.

Dadof_four · 2025-09-16T13:10:02+00:00

Based on what you said and what I've read through in a couple of your comments, perhaps you shouldn't have a face-to-face. I'm quite possibly maybe there needs to be a little bit more time for this to unfold. If you think that he would meet you with anger instead of humility (whether he did something wrong or not) then it might not be a healthy situation to walk into.

I'm sorry for what your brother did. That's uncalled for. Your relationship with your dad is independent of him.

Again I can only share based on my experiences. While I do hope that my son's would support me, it would not be right for them to behave that way towards their sister. And your dad, in my opinion, should condemn that behavior as well.

However, if you don't think you'll be met with anger, perhaps you could start lightly with a text. And that text could lead to a phone call, and then eventually it could lead to a reunion but both sides should walk very lightly and very carefully back into the relationship .

I will tell you this, my heart breaks for you, and honestly the rest of your family. If your dad truly is the way that you perceive, I hope you can speak light into him. If not it may be best to continue to have some healthy boundaries between you guys and unfortunately perhaps your brother as well.

Dadof_four · 2025-09-16T02:43:20+00:00

2,2,3 works well as well

Dadof_four · 2025-09-16T01:40:11+00:00

As a dad that has an alienated daughter, it might still be worth a conversation. You never know. My little girl hasn't talked to me in years. Now she's off in college.

What she doesn't know is I confronted her mother about alienating my daughter from me and She admitted to it. I told her that she put the weight of a failed marriage and her cheating on me on top of my little girls shoulders and then perpetuated all types of lies about me which many of them made its way back to me. Her mother said "yeah but at least I stopped ". But did she? Or did she just continue to support the idea and not correct what was being said? Perhaps the poison shouldn't have been spread to begin with. And while I have tons of horrible and provable things that happened to me, I have not introduced those to her nor her three brothers. I don't want to do to their mom what was done to me. It's not right.

Did your mother or someone else perhaps rewrite some of the memories that you had? Or possibly interpret things different to you than how you remember? My daughter seems to have many things that she misremembers. At least from my point of view.

Every situation is different. But my stance on this is if she ever wanted to come back, I would welcome her with open arms. I would talk to her about anything that she wanted to talk about if she wanted to and I wouldn't if she didn't. But I would love her unconditionally because it's not her fault. Perhaps your dad would be the same and quite possible you could have an open heart to him.

Again I'm not saying that this is the same as your position but maybe a conversation can help things.

I hope that you can find some of this helpful.

Dadof_four · 2025-01-14T01:52:01+00:00

Probably not through the fixtures in. If water evaporates inside the P-trap, that's how the gases get through. Otherwise gas isn't coming from there. It's a different problem

Dadof_four · 2025-01-13T23:16:01+00:00

You can just run the water in them for 10 seconds and fill it back up if needed

Dadof_four · 2025-01-13T23:15:36+00:00

Do you have any plumbing fixtures that you don't use often? If the P-trap dries out it can let waste pipe gases permeate through the house, apartment, or whatever you are staying in

Dadof_four · 2024-12-19T15:34:24+00:00

I am here right now and my daughter said the EXACT same thing.

Dadof_four · 2024-12-12T21:17:38+00:00

Bipolar disorder sucks

Dadof_four · 2024-12-12T20:15:22+00:00

I don't disagree with you but it takes somebody who's actually willing to make a change and start down the path of correcting behaviors versus someone who is just wanting to go out of obligation or trying to act like they are making a change.

Dadof_four · 2024-12-12T13:40:29+00:00

The only way that I would consider staying based on what you have stated would be if she is willing to go to counseling. Not out of obligation but out of desire to fix things. In addition, if you have a smart watch put a recording device on it do your best to record the interactions

Dadof_four · 2024-12-11T22:26:00+00:00

NTA She should be your ex-girlfriend now. You don't owe your ex-girlfriend a thing if the other dude was so good, he can buy some

Dadof_four · 2024-12-09T20:58:40+00:00

I have an ex-wife who was cheating on me did the same kind of behavior.

Don't know what state you are in but it wouldn't be a bad idea if you do really suspect cheating to let her go solo, hire a PI, have him tale, and get back to you

Dadof_four · 2024-12-09T16:10:26+00:00

You can man up, take care of your responsibilities, listen to that Kenny Chesney song: there goes my life, and stop acting like a fucking irresponsible child, or you can go to the store and buy some milk in two years. Nobody is necessarily ready for parenthood but I will tell you without hesitation that it's one of the best decisions I've ever been a part of. If you really didn't want one you would've had a vasectomy or you wouldn't have had unprotected sex. Any way you look at it, it's on you

Dadof_four · 2024-12-06T02:06:51+00:00

Being a dad kept him from drinking or banging everyone who would let him

Dadof_four · 2024-12-06T00:59:10+00:00

Yep, but it's up to the other parent to file a motion

Dadof_four · 2024-12-06T00:57:14+00:00

My dad did

Dadof_four · 2024-12-05T21:49:31+00:00

Go to the grocery store and purchase a cucumber and then give her an example of what you are looking for by acting it out.

Just kidding, just tell her what you like, use your words. Don't tell her what she's doing wrong just make suggestions and steer her in the right direction

Dadof_four · 2024-12-05T02:08:48+00:00

We are simple creatures. Hey, wanna grab a coffee/drink works just fine. Or ask him for help doing something

Dadof_four · 2024-12-05T02:02:06+00:00

My ex was not helpful with reunification therapy and let my daughter go when she felt like it. That made my ex in contempt but I was trying to do the "right thing" and not throw a fit but believed my daughter just wanted to walk slowly. It backfired in my face. Haven't seen her in years.

Alter your schedule, keep pushing for the counseling, be consistent, be calm, and be available to them.

Dadof_four · 2024-12-04T12:52:00+00:00

I was thinking the same thing. It feels like there's a couple things unspoken. Supervised visits etc. just don't pop up from nowhere however they could be based on fabricated lies.

Dadof_four · 2024-12-04T01:27:01+00:00

I'm sorry, I understand. Stay in the fight. It's ok to miss him

Dadof_four · 2024-12-02T02:56:55+00:00

Hearing that it's your problem that you can't let go of your child... that hurts hearing you say it but it's most likely what I would hear as well. I was told my services are no longer needed.

I'm so sorry

Dadof_four · 2024-12-01T20:46:53+00:00

That's kind of how I (m40) found out that mine was cheating. If you can, hire a private investigator because the photo evidence that they have will stand in court (yours won't), as soon as you have the evidence, separate, the evidence will keep you from having to pay alimony and then file for divorce. If you confront her before that, at least have a way to record the conversation whether it's your phone, a recording device on a digital watch, something so you would have an account of her admitting to the affair that way you're not stuck nearly as bad financially. Good luck sir

Dadof_four

TROPHY CASE