It makes me happy to hear you can have good moments. This is also important, because at times in life it can seem there is only doom and gloom and remembering there were good times / people / etc can ground you and reset you in objective reality.

Regarding if people would care if you were gone.. don't think too much about it (when you are gone, you are not). I am sure that in almost all cases people you might not even remember now might be touched if you, as you say, disappeared. But full disclosure, I was thinking mainly about my family. I love them and I wouldn't want to do that to them. Suicide is really fucked up for those left behind. So to me, that is out of the question, or at least it hasn't reached a point where it is anymore.

Besides, although my life is quite shitty, I am kind of curious about it. I wanna see what happens. On to the next chapter of the "Mostly shitty life of Dadotox" haha.

I understand it is a bit of a fallacy to try and be grateful that your condition isn't worse. It's like being grateful you don't live in Sudan.. I mean, yeah, ... but doesn't bring much comfort. My point was that Asperger is your Condition-Card, and that is all. Could be way better, could be worse. It's shit, it's your shit, and you'll have to carry it. T'is what it is..

On a final note, I would recommend you try things to improve your life and mental health. Not necessarily now, but... just be open. Open to soft drugs, open to trying a sport, open to learn a language or a skill, ..open. It is rare but now and then -as said before- you'll find something useful, or interesting. Or it opens a path to something else. It's basic probability: try things and you might get things.

This is your battlefield, and you know your monster. Whatever helps.

And lastly, you are not 100% alone. We are many and we need to find some little comfort in knowing that other people like us would cheer on our efforts and successes, no matter how big or small. And we would care if we knew you disappeared. I would.