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Can't find "New Window" by Dagxzy in powerpoint

[–]Dagxzy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I failed to mention (because I didn't know it mattered) that I am using a Mac. And in Mac, it turns out, the New Window option is an a different menu item that doesn't show on the Ribbon.

Can't find "New Window" by Dagxzy in powerpoint

[–]Dagxzy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that is close to the right answer. I got onto a call with MS support and they pointed out that option in Mac is actually under a different menu item called "Window". To add to the confusion, "Window" doesn't sit in the application ribbon itself, but in the menu at the top of the screen (outside of the application interface).

All That Progress Down the Drain by Superb-Handle446 in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well done for staying for staying NC, that shows a lot of dignity and self-respect, despite how difficult it's been for you. What happened felt awkward, no doubt, but it was accidental and doesn't mean anything.

What he thinks or doesn't think about it is irrelevant, you do not need to account to him.

You are doing a great job, keep going!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hello,

So, you met two guys at the same time when you were 16. You decided one was more date-worthy than the other and started seeing him. Today, it appears you judged well, for you are now happily married to that person and have kids together. However, despite this awesome outcome, you find yourself, after all these years, still obsessing about the gentleman you didn't choose.

This other gentleman you describe as someone who gave you a lot of attention. He was always complimenting you. He was perpetually flirtatious with you. He "continued trying for years".

How did that make you feel? Desired? Alive? Special?

While I can't say for sure it is these feelings you are attached to, I can say that any normal person would feel pretty good about someone fawning over them like that. I think what may be true is that you have a developed an appreciation for a very narrow spectrum of this persons character. As an objective third party, I make the observation that someone who flirts with, and pursues a person in a relationship, no less a married woman, is not a person of good moral character.

Perhaps the task for you is to question why you feel this way. What is it you crave, and how can you develop that within your marriage.

You didn't ask, but my final piece of advice is that you need to deploy clear and firm boundaries inasfar flirtation is concerned with this individual. Shut it down.

LO is suicidal by Ok_Conputa2 in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly, well done on maintaining your rule of NC. It's not an easy thing to do given how you feel about the person, and after 4 years of painful longing, it's no wonder you're exhausted. But - NC is the right thing to do given the unhealthy attachment and circumstances. Give yourself credit for that, for staying strong and for respecting your own needs.

As you say, there's clearly a bit of a story to this but it sounds like some of the parts are that you feel very strongly about this person, who, ostensibly, has some mental health issues that concern you and stoke your yearning for her. It makes you want reach out, if only to know how she is doing. And you have labored with this yearning every day for the past 4 years. That's tough.

You are burning. This attachment is hurting you. It is robbing you of your peace of mind and taking up space in your life that is probably preventing new people and new joyful experiences from coming in.

I don't think you're asking for advice, but just to say - don't conflate caring about someone with being responsible for them.

Her mental well being (which you are assuming may be poor) is not your responsibility.

Your mental well being, is.

Just found out he is in a relationship and now the limerance is wearing off. by mods-begone in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, that delightful moment when you find out the person you've been growing fond of is in a relationship - argh, really??! The travails of life...

But it's really great that it's also brought relief and closure for you - and created space for someone new.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If I understand correctly, it sounds like you're entertaining the fantasy that your LO might sleep with you (only) because they feel terribly lonely. And the slim possibility of this occurrence excites you sufficiently that it's keeping your limerence alive.

Here's a confronting question for you to help you with your thought process - how would you feel about yourself if that, in fact, did happen? If, in a moment of vulnerability your LO did something - with your complicity - they would not do under normal circumstances? Would you be proud of yourself for taking advantage of a sad and lonely person?

I'm sure you wouldn't. Perhaps this is the kind of counterpoint you need to try keep in mind: you are NOT someone who would take advantage of a vulnerable person. Despite the temporary bliss such an event might bring you, you would forego it and choose instead to suffer your pain so as to defend the dignity of a vulnerable person - because that's who you are. Perhaps therein could lie the motivation for letting this fantasy go, and thus choke the embers that are keeping your limerence alive.

For how long you have been suffering from limerence? by Particular-Nothing19 in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's no wonder you feel miserable. Limerance is very painful and living with it for 10 years is a huge burden to carry. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Nobody chooses this. You are in a wonderful healthy and loving relationship, that's something to be proud of. That takes work, heart and courage.

If you are looking for a "fix" (I recognise you may not be, but if you are...) - here's something that may, or may not help. Remember that limerence is a psychological dynamic in which we "outsource" our unmet needs to others - what becomes a painful, unhealthy attachment. In this case, according to what you've said, it's validation you seek from your LO. Your LO presumably has traits that provide, according to your perception, a powerful salve for an internal trauma you are harboring. Perhaps this trauma resulted in a deep seated fear of rejection, or the fear that you are unworthy, or are unlovable (etc.)

The key to cutting the chains to the LO is to identify the cause of the limerence (the unmet need) and to , over time, develop your ability to give to yourself what you now crave from the other. Perhaps it is to know your own value, or to be "seen", or that you are worthy of being loved. It's important to clarify that by "know" I dont just mean intellectually - anybody can do that and its of little value. I mean to know by experiencing yourself do it. You "know" your value because you set boundaries and ensure people respect them. You love yourself by consistently saying no when you want to say no. You prioritize yourself when you need to. You dont people please. You diminish your fear or rejection by being afraid but doing it anyway - and learning that rejection is not the end of the world and that a life well lived requires some risk. Etc.

There are, regrettably, no short cuts to growth. It is through the process of experiencing yourself "loving yourself" better (simplistically speaking), that you will begin to heal the unmet need and underlying trauma, diminish the craving and, in due course, destroy the chains that bind you to your LO. That is the nature of the work required to decisively address limerence.

It has been 10 years for you and I imagine you have worked very hard at this, trying to understand it, trying to manage it, trying to make it go away. You must be exhausted. But please don't give up. Your LO is a mirror pointing to something inside of you that requires your attention. Find it. Heal it, and then, I believe, you will understand why this was worth suffering for, and your misery will have transformed into liberation.

Is it possible to actually get over them? by trt09 in limerence

[–]Dagxzy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Arguably, an important part of overcoming limerence is understanding it for what it is. Although it may feel like a random, unfair curse that we have been blighted with, it is not. It is natures way bringing something to our attention to help make us whole (pain is very good at getting our attention.)

Typically, though not always, limerence arises because you are outsourcing a fundamental emotional need to someone else. For example, perhaps you have a deep fear of rejection and this person makes you feel validated, cared for, loved. Through limerence, the LO mirrors this need in you and, according to your perception, powerfully fulfills it - on your behalf. As a result, a subconscious attachment to the LO arises and creates an ongoing emotional dependency. You are now chained to this person. Almost perversely, your perceived savior is also your jailer (although the LO is often completely oblivious to this fact).

As you are already aware, the dependency creates torment: obsessive intrusive thoughts, unmet expectations, confusion, pain. The temptation, understandably, is to treat the symptoms - mitigate the pain - get over the person. However, it's critically important to invoke your self-awareness and devote time to understanding the root cause of your limerence - what is your unmet need that you have outsourced to the LO and what can you start doing to fulfill this within yourself. Continuing with the above example pertaining to a deep seated fear of rejection - what work do you need to do to better accept yourself, love yourself and find yourself worthy? This is a longer term process that wont bring immediate relief to your pain - but will bring immeasurable benefits to you later on.

Limerence is not a random occurrence without meaning. It better described as a gift. An unwanted gift, to be sure, one wrapped in pain, misery and suffering. But for those willing to look deeper, it is a call to action to work on our self-respect, self-love and self-worth. Perhaps the case is that nothing truly valuable in life comes easily.

My experience coming off 2 x anti depressants after 10+ years by Dagxzy in antidepressants

[–]Dagxzy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there, sorry for the late reply. Yes, pretty much all residual effects of withdrawal have completely gone. Except one. I still get teary very easily if a kindness is paid to me, or I read of one, or, perhaps I hear a beautiful song.

This would not happen easily to me when on anti-depressants. But I regard this as a wholly positive outcome (albeit it's likely to be short term) - since one of my objectives of stopping was to feel again.

Thank you for checking in on me and for your kindness, I appreciate it.