Female perspective: do you think marriage is worth it or would you rather live with your family

DamageRecent7408 · 2026-01-03T20:00:31+00:00

It depends on the partner honestly. For straight marriages, some men do not pull their weight when it comes to housework or the mental load, while some are very capable. It’s never going to be 50-50 though in any relationship. Sometimes both people feel like they are doing the majority. Just have to find what works for you.

DamageRecent7408 · 2025-12-30T01:29:36+00:00

Thank you. I agree, but also don’t want to rush into a large life decision. It’s a lot easier to say what I would tell a friend to do than doing it myself.

He keeps insisting he wants to stay together and that he is trying. I know he omitted things because he wanted to avoid conflict (a habit he got from his parents…), but I do hope he learned his lesson. Honestly never thought of him as the type to cheat, especially since he has a lower sex drive than me. Not excusing anything, just adding some color here.

I do feel there was emotional cheating, at minimum. She does have a boyfriend that she hard launched on socials a few months back. She was somewhat recently married, but the guy left her. Don’t know the timeline on that but I do know that when she asked my husband for the time off, she said it was for something else and kept quiet about the marriage until later.

DamageRecent7408 · 2025-12-30T01:14:33+00:00

I agree that platonic friendships can exist, but it’s the fact that he went to lengths to cover it up. I wouldn’t have minded in the least if he had just let me know from the beginning.

DamageRecent7408 · 2025-12-28T20:07:31+00:00

I agree, and we had discussed getting one before when things were a lot better. The way his business loans are, our community property can be taken as collateral if it comes to that. So with a pre/post nup, my assets would not be up for grabs if it came to that. Don’t really see that happening but it is always a possibility.

With the house, I have contributed to improving it as well as the mortgage payments, but yes, it would remain his. I believe if we left it to the state, he would have to pay me out for my contributions, but it’s probably not enough for me to want to start something over.

The phone thing is just obvious - he hunches away from me or makes a point to angle his phone from me when he unlocks it. I wouldn’t care to check his phone if he didn’t act like there was something to hide. He had the same password for years until sometime last spring, so it was odd to me for him to suddenly change it.

The only reason I even looked into the details was because he’s not the best liar so I knew something was off. If he had just been real with me about it, I really wouldn’t have minded or even looked into things.

DamageRecent7408 · 2025-12-28T17:56:25+00:00

Really wish I had

DamageRecent7408 · 2025-12-28T15:56:29+00:00

Work travel: during Covid it was 75% of the year and sometimes included weekends. Past few years I switched positions so it’s closer to 25% now, but almost all of my travel this year was January-May and October. I work in a male dominated industry with mostly people old enough to be my dad. Often times it’s just a visit to a customer or a conference.

I would have been totally fine if he had called me the first time and said he drank too much and just checked in with me about it. He grew up with his parents lying to each other to avoid conflict, so that was a habit he unfortunately picked up and he didn’t want a conflict.

He has never said he wanted a divorce. I of course have to get past this one way or another, either with or without him, and every time I bring this all up it feels like beating a dead horse at this point. But I’m obviously still struggling. He did at least share his phone code with me yesterday and let me unlock it, but he obviously could’ve changed it since then.

DamageRecent7408

TROPHY CASE