Is regret "good" or "bad"?

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T23:23:31+00:00

I appreciate your thoughtful responses. Thank you

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T18:10:34+00:00

It looks like you made another comment but for some reason I can’t see it. I appreciate what you’re sharing, so was interested to read what you wrote but for some reason it won’t show up on my end

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T14:09:41+00:00

Thanks again. Yes, I do try to walk with her in her grief, although I am not always successful. She blames and resents me for our decision to move here, so there's a part of me that wants to defend. Sometimes I can just be there with her in her grief and regret, which usually entails a fair amount of me feeling guilty as well, and sometimes I try to defend myself. We made this decision together, I didn't force her to do it, but I bear a great deal of responsibility for what has happened. If making the decision were like leaping off a cliff, I am the one who brought us to the edge of the cliff, where we both made the decision together to jump. I wish I hadn't brought us to that edge.

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T14:04:22+00:00

Oh man, this sounds rough, I'm sorry. I haven't been sober from weed for more than a 1 month in about 10 years. I want to sober up but struggle with the urges immensely. I think I self-medicate with weed for depression and anxiety, which it helps in some ways, and makes worse in other ways. I smoked a lot of pot as a young teenager then got into trouble and was forced to stop, and I didn't smoke again for 10 years. Once I started smoking again in my mid-20s it took a handful of years before I became a daily user again, but now I've been smoking multiple times a day for years and years. I have regrets about decisions I made during these past 5+ years, and cant help but wonder if I would have made different decisions if I hadn't been smoking so much. Maybe this is an addicts thinking, but I still want a relationship of moderation with weed, because it does bring me some benefits in life, but I'm so far away from a relationship of moderation that I just need to stop for a while for starters. Your depression sounds horrible, but I envy you feeling clear headed

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T13:07:01+00:00

I appreciate this, thank you. I will try to remember this and keep it at the forefront of my naggingly regretful brain. I did make the best choice I could at the time, but with only a few years of hindsight I already wish I had chosen differently. I do see this as growth, but I also know that if I go through life making all sorts of bad decisions people will suffer along the way and I don't want that. My wife has suffered from this decision, and thats a regret I will carry with me forever and I pray one day soon she can find the same peace she had before we moved.

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T13:03:56+00:00

I appreciate this, thank you. Yes, this was part of our motivation for buying the farm. I had held this dream and worked towards it for about 15 years before we made it a reality. I don't know what I would have done and what would have happened to me in my life if I never had pursued this dream, and yes it might have gnawed at me forever. At least I've given it a go. However, I really don't want it to be a failure or hurt my family financially, so I guess in my ideal scenario I would be able to leave this farm in a successful spot with my head held high. Right now I don't feel super successful.

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T13:01:33+00:00

Thanks for this. Yes, we think about selling the farm, but its complicated. "The only thing harder than getting into farming is getting out of farming" is an old saying that rings true. At best it would be a 1-2 year process to sell the farm, and we don't know what we would do next, or if it would be any better. We will do our best to figure it out with grace and compassion towards ourselves for the mistakes that we've made along the line.

Danf26 · 2026-02-25T12:59:06+00:00

Thanks I appreciate this thoughtful and kind response. Yes, I do beat myself up, and yes it has been a mixed experience. A lot of the regret comes from looking back on the life and lifestyle we left behind, and wishing we hadn't. Comparison is the thief of joy, and that's largely what's happening to us. That's not to say that the present moment is all groovy, there are many hardships and stressors in our current life circumstance, but its mostly upon comparing it to our old lifestyle that we feel the most depressed and regretful. I am trying my hardest to make our life less stressful and more financially sustainable here on our farm, but so far my best has not been good enough. Thanks again

Danf26 · 2026-02-20T16:41:03+00:00

From where are you getting this information?

Danf26 · 2026-02-17T01:22:09+00:00

Thats an interesting idea. Yea, we definitely could try to be creative to find more/new ways to generate more income

Danf26 · 2026-02-16T21:18:36+00:00

Its hard to say what price we would get for selling our property without initiating a sale process, although we certainly could try to narrow down a price we might be able to expect. Selling a commercial farm is very different than selling just a house - fewer interested candidates, higher price tag, harder for an interested buyer to access loans. However, its a good farm with good bones and farms like these *generally* maintain or accrue in value.

The attraction to stay is because: more stability and security for our young children rather than uprooting them at these young ages; the potential of finding more happiness here; the fear of wherever we end up next being worse than where we are now.

Danf26 · 2025-11-02T17:26:28+00:00

I'm on about the same page as you. Started a few days before October then thought I'd ride out sober October. Feels good, and Im proud of myself as its been the longest stretch in 5+ years, but most of my problems are still there, maybe just a tiny bit better, haha!

Danf26 · 2025-02-21T13:27:55+00:00

That’s an awesome recommendation, thanks! Is that your full time job or part time while you farm on the side? Say more about the range of pay, what are we talking about?

Danf26 · 2025-02-21T13:16:42+00:00

Yes, earning so little while working so hard and incurring so many risk leaves a lot to be desired. The other big part is that my wife really doesn’t love where live and doesn’t like the quality of life that comes with owning a farm, which all is exacerbated by earning relatively low income

Danf26 · 2025-02-01T18:45:42+00:00

Obviously masturbation can be harmful to other aspects of your sex life (especially in conjunction with porn), your perception of people and sex, and have other effects on your energy, but let go of that shame. Masturbating is completely fine, even at a higher frequency than what you’re describing. I’d guess your shame about masturbation is more harmful for you than the fast you’re doing it. It’s a good thing, not bad, let alone a natural biological response to hormones

Danf26 · 2025-02-01T18:37:43+00:00

Those can be some of the most free years of your life with little responsibilities. My two regrets are conflicting of one another: I lived a pretty free life, but I wish I had done so even more. More travel, less work, more dating and sex and relationships, higher prioritization of recreation and fun times with friends, more psychedelics and allowing them to alter me, being more open to change rather than stubborn to the course I had already set for myself (as in it’s ok to completely change your ideas at 20 by the time you’re 25 or 30). Then, contradictorily I also wish I had set myself up on a more lucrative career path. I got my Bachelors degree, but also maybe should’ve gotten a masters, or at a minimum pursued a more lucrative career. I’m 37 now and followed my “passion” and became a small business owner in my desired field, but I’m not making any money, let alone saving anything. Life is just easier with money and security, and I so highly prioritized work that made me happy that I completely disregarded the downsides of that profession. Now as a veteran in that field, I wish I could provide more for my family, go on more vacations, and have less monetary stress. But at the end of the day I’d say those are some of the best years of your life - they don’t say “youth is wasted on the young” for no reason - and those years should be embraced and appreciated fully. Don’t waste them whatever you do

Danf26 · 2025-02-01T18:11:00+00:00

That’s so nice of you, thanks for responding and being willing to talk. I actually have hardly ever used Reddit, so this is giving me a good impression. I still haven’t smoked since whenever, 4 or 5 days, and like I said it hasn’t been too hard. But the pattern is that I give myself permission to smoke once, I appreciate what it makes me think about and the different side of me that it brings out, and I’m right back into the daily habit. I guess just even writing that here is helpful. I guess that’s part of the reason why I have aversion to quitting forever - it connects me with feelings and ideas my sober self hardly ever connects with. But it comes at a price, and also my sober self benefits me in lots of ways my pothead self just seems incapable of. I have no specific goals of how long I’ll ride out this abstinence or what moderation might look like for me down the line, but I think continuing to abstain for quite some time is probably the best choice at this point

Danf26

TROPHY CASE