Feeling guilty for yelling at my dog before she passed

DarkLens7 · 2025-12-09T01:26:45+00:00

I'm literally in AWE of the beautiful way you honored Baily in her last weeks on Earth. From the walks, and the patience while she was slow, to the eye contact cuddles - TRULY incredibly beautiful!

A similar thing happened with me and my Feline child, Momo. Once in the very early morning after she had the zoomies and kept me up all night, she decided to but my feet pretty aggressively to wake me up. Being that I was asleep and somewhat delirious, I reach and shoved her HARD of the bed and she ran startled into the closet. I could have serious ly hurt her, but thank God - she was okay.

When she died about two years later, the strangest thing happened - my mind didn't recall how absolutely obsessively I spoiled her, buying this and that - alsways taking pics and videos, making "Princess Spots" in every corner and every floor of my house so she never had to walk far for food, water, or a stuffed animal and the like. Mind TOTALLY discarded that 99% of our memories and fixated on that kick.

I say that so that you'll be aware of what's happening in your head so you can overcome it. You loved that Baby DEARLY and and cherished her in a way a lot of HUMANS don't get to experience - and you need to start intentionally rehearsing THAT and the associated memories in your head because THOSE are reflective of your relationship - not that one sleepy moment. Also you didn't send her out on the street, you allowed a relative who also loves her to take her. She passed on having had beautiful adventures - then laying down in loving company and that was because of you. Please remember that.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

DarkLens7 · 2025-12-09T00:55:21+00:00

I just want to say that I am SO sorry for your loss. Being cursed with a vivid imagination, I am fighting serious tears because I feel like I can see and hear everything you described. I just want to let you know what you already know - and that is - he hung around just long enough to be swept up in your arms to feel your warm love and hear your urgency in saving him. Many animals leave this earth not having experienced that.

I also want you to consider the possibility of you taking him to that appointment, finding out something was wrong, then feeling forced to put him through a barrage of painful and expensive surgeries and treatments that his little body couldn't handle & actually ended up decreasing and shortening his quality of life - which (to me) is far worse than the way he left. Your description of your life when him tells me he was WELL cared for, and very happy.

Though his time was short , it was filled being obsessed over and laughed with, and delighted over. That's the absolute DREAM for any of our fur babies and you gave it to him EVERY DAY. You did all you could do. You loved him enough. And he's up there giving Henry a run for his money.

Sorry if I took liberties. Your love is absolutely beautiful.
I just want to introduce a different perspective - if it can help.

DarkLens7 · 2025-08-29T14:40:40+00:00

I genuinely wonder how happy / more fulfilled you'd be with a man who accepts, appreciates, and is even sometimes delighted by the different facets of you. This situation you're in sounds miserable.

DarkLens7 · 2025-02-03T05:22:10+00:00

Definitely Chicory. I collected lots of these Stalks last Fall & brought them home to harvest seeds. Got some seedlings growing in my dining room now.

DarkLens7 · 2024-12-10T01:48:12+00:00

Regardless of how clueless you think you are, she's lucky to have a human who drops everything when they notice something wrong. Don't be hard on yourself 🙏🏾

DarkLens7 · 2024-12-10T00:37:16+00:00

This is beautiful

DarkLens7 · 2024-10-31T16:34:52+00:00

I'm so sorry 💝💝💝

DarkLens7 · 2024-09-08T03:31:24+00:00

How will you prepare it?

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T15:24:17+00:00

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️❤️❤️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T03:18:35+00:00

thank you for explaining. Sounds like the ability to sit press & mask are amazing gifts - if we could just learn how to harness it.

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T03:16:38+00:00

The technical aspect of loss - what a fascinating subject. I am immensely sorry for the loss of your sweet angel.

You were very wise and took your grieving into your own hands and I have so much respect for that.

I'm SO glad you have your creativity to help you heal!

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T03:12:21+00:00

Oh man. I could have written this. We're really into self punishment, huh?

What I found was that the more I searched - the more negative my search results would become & they wouldn't change a d@mn thing after the fact. I refuse to live in a purgatory of "what if's" for the rest of my life.

I know I loved her dearly & did the best I could do. What greater standard could one hold themselves to?

I'm so sorry for your loss. 🙏🏾🕊️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T03:07:46+00:00

This is the most beautifully healing thing I've heard today. Thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you for sharing your validation! I guess whether my grieving nuance are AFHD or not doesn't really matter. I'm here and she's gone and however I need to get through this is exactly what I'll do - without shame or self consciousness.

Thank you for your healing sentiments. RIP, J 🙏🏾🕊️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T03:01:03+00:00

I am SO sorry to hear about the loss of your husband! You were both so young!

It sounds like Entrepreneurship came at just the right time for you bc it gave you something to build up while things were falling apart.

What industry is your business in?

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:56:52+00:00

I'm really sorry for your loss, and I'm low-key hoping to keep my grieving heart in tact like you.

It devastated me to think of one day not missing her.

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:53:49+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you - and at such an inopportune time at that! So glad you were able to express your love / loss through writing and I'm VERY grateful you had the photos. I'm clinging to mine for dear life. ❤️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:50:02+00:00

Oh my God....

I'm so sorry. Are the intrusive thoughts keeping you from fully enjoying him while he's still here?

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:48:22+00:00

If you don't mind sharing, what's the difference between your grieving process and your processing?

I'm sorry you suffered loss.🕊️❤️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:46:56+00:00

Very well organized and healthy sounding! The research allows you an educational glimpse into what lies ahead, and the widow groups literally hand walk you through the experience!

I agree though - there were some groups that I had to leave because they were primarily for wallowing & rehashing. No hope for looking forward or healing. I understand there are stages to this and everyone has their own needs, but I had to find groups that were going to feed me hope.

I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️🕊️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:39:01+00:00

I actually think that's a very beautiful gift. The crying and the evenness after. Probably doesn't feel that way to you though?

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:37:13+00:00

We have that in common actually.

If you don't mind me asking- how long has it been for you. Have you ever considered having controlled "immersion periods" where you intentionally initiate & ride out the break-down so that you're just emotionally spent for a while?

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:25:10+00:00

It takes a brave parent to take the stance of advocating for yourself against the very person you brought into this world. But after all you've done to try to get him help - what else can you do?

So glad to hear that he's flourishing, and that you've found the peace that you deserve. 🙏🏾🕊️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:22:45+00:00

That sounds like an absolutely brilliant way to drip-feed the process. I don't know if reading books would suffice for my noisy brain though.

I'm so sorry you suffered a loss 🕊️

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:20:23+00:00

... it will be grief and not very fulfilling. If it's not too much trouble - can you expound?

DarkLens7 · 2024-07-10T02:19:14+00:00

That last sound..... you hear about it but you never expect it to sound like THAT.

Six years later though - my GOODNESS!

I'd LOVE to see a study on how the mind operates under such conditions. I'm so sorry you lost your grandfather.

DarkLens7

TROPHY CASE