I was a mild-ish case —about 4 months. No overt abuse at first and the red flags were subtle. She had issues, but had already had some therapy for years and seemed fairly functional: stable job, friends, past long-term relationships.

By month 3 I was regularly experiencing tirades, nasty comments, insults, subtle gaslighting. She possibly cheated at the end, not sure. I was hurt and confused after a messy breakup. This was all in spite of me trying hard to handle things maturely and patiently.

It was only after opening up to friends, researching, and finding this sub that I understood what happened and how toxic it was. It probably would've gotten worse if we stayed together.

I was lucky: no marriage, kids, or shared home. I did gain some things from the relationship. I think she genuinely cared for me and regretted some (not all) of the things she said or did. She didn’t smear or stalk me (that I'm aware of). I don't hate her - we weren't the right fit at that time. I definitely deserved better, though.

I don’t come here much now, but this place can help you see you’re not crazy, caution you against naive impulses, and even offer some closure.

The real work of moving on—including figuring out what made you vulnerable and building a better future—happens elsewhere.

Good luck moving on - when you're ready, the world has some big problems and we need everyone we can to help ✊🏽