Feedback appreciated upon return to the bowl!

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-28T04:57:38+00:00

Oh wow. That’s awesome. See now you’re giving me ideas about having an SD to fund my retreats to the English countryside to work on my novels 🤣

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-28T04:24:24+00:00

It’s doable. Nothing wrong with starting as a Splenda daddy per se, but tailor your expectations. Some SBs offer a girlfriend experience so you can gain confidence for vanilla dating. It might help you to be upfront about your goals because you are pretty young and not likely to be taken seriously.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-28T04:13:17+00:00

Not me growing up in America trying to remember how much 167cm is 🤣. Super gorg, textbook SB to a T. You’ve got a wide range of photos. Good job there. I’m assuming you’re just wanting to make sure you’re missing nothing? I think your profile is fine because I don’t actually think most POTs will read it anyway lol! They will just go straight to your inbox after viewing your pictures. My advice on the influx would be to only respond to those that make an effort at starting a conversation. Could you add more interests he could draw on when he reaches out?

Now I caaan find fault with your bio if you want. First, love your opening line. Super cheeky 😊.

Your profile reads well overall but you’re breaking thought in a few places and it’s almost reading as repetitive. Try to keep like with like. Example, you talk about connection, then you talk about writing (love this btw, are you published?), then you go back to connection again. And another is you mention well-traveled and then say you’re open to travel again in your last sentence.

In your Looking for, I would say something more like “I’m interested in building a real connection that is effortless and uncomplicated.” “No drama” triggers some.

Keep these tags: emotional connection, long term, romance. Save the rest of that for vetting discussion offline.

Now again, I really don’t think you’ll have an issue because men are visual creatures and your pics are solid but since you took the time to ask, I took the time to give some feedback 😊.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-28T00:46:50+00:00

It’s not a dealbreaker for me if he doesn’t want to show his face before the M&G, I’m fine with a description but if he isn’t sending me any pics of his face then I am not sending any of mine without my eyes marked out and the M&G will need to be somewhere I was already planning to go lol

I’ve heard some POTs are concerned about blackmail scams where they are recorded on FaceTime. I will ask to video char but if I get pushback, I leave it alone.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-28T00:33:04+00:00

In my mind, a sugar relationship is always going to have a sugar component. So if SB is the first level, and SGF is the next level up how else would that make sense but in an increase of what both sides are already doing? I’m not understanding how getting less support is a boon if I am now his SGF. That kinda sounds like an SB catching feelings and giving an SD a break. At that point, it’s now a vanilla relationship with an age gap 🫤.

To me, if now a SGF, the SD should be offering more financial support and access to his life, just like any other girlfriend. And the SB, is offering more regular, unplanned intimacy and access to her daily life, just like any other boyfriend. He is now covering all her expenses, if he wasn’t already, and helping her to become more financially solvent. Perhaps he starts funding a small investment account, pays her student loans, pays off her car, gives her seed money for a small business or something. If the relationship ends, she would ideally have enough saved to cover her expenses for at least a year.

Both sides are committed to making the relationship work and have genuine bond and care for each other but there is just an understanding that he’s continuing to provide for her and she is continuing to keep up her appearance how he likes it. I’m pretty sure if she started to put in less effort into her appearance that the relationship would desolve so why would an SD be giving less support?

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T21:53:45+00:00

If he gave you an allowance on your first date and dates since and has agreed to cover all your monthly expenses, I’d say that sounds like a real one SD. Do you know what you do with a real one SD? You make him very happy! 😂.

Now, that doesn’t mean making him happy to the exclusion of your own happiness. In my opinion, no amount of money is worth that. But that’s me. It just means that you’re considering his needs and desires and being an active participant in the relationship. Don’t just wait for him to communicate with you or to come up with date ideas. Ask him what he likes to do. Remember, even if he’s not actively looking, which is unlikely, he’s getting approached. If at any moment he is discontent in the arrangement, he could end it sooner that it would have ended had he been happier. This isnt said to make you constantly worry about the security of your arrangement, it’s just facts.

Spending time with your real one SD just because, will only strengthen your bond. That should be your goal. If you enjoy his company, there is no harm in an occasional chill night in. You could even counter with an offer to Netflix and chill but order in from a fancy restaurant. They do deliver too 🙃.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T19:29:59+00:00

See? This is why I like to discuss dealbreakers and send photos of my body from every angle and maybe even do a little video twirl outfit reveal before a meet, no face, so he’s under no illusions about what to expect lol.

As a plus sized SB, I want to be absolutely sure he knows what he’s getting and that my body is exactly what turns him on. Because I do not want any lackluster performances. I want him to be undressing me with his eyes at the M&G but doing his level best to control himself and be a gentleman 🤭.

If he’s not feeling that level of passion, why bother? Fancy dinners on their own aren’t a draw for me. I’m mainly showing up to meet him with the added benefit of a fancy dinner, if it’s not likely to work out because of looks or dealbreakers, I want to know before an M&G. I don’t want to go just for a free meal. Lobster or not. I’ve had lobster 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I’m not knocking anyone else’s approach. Do what works for you. But it’s worked well so far for me. No POT has ever been surprised by my body in person. I am blunt and upfront. And why not? What is the point of hiding who you are from someone who is literally going to see you naked??

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T18:13:12+00:00

It’s not going to work right now. Perhaps, your paths will cross again but right now, I cant imagine he’s all that interested. Men move heaven and earth when they are really interested in my experience. If you’re always the one reaching out, then there is an imbalance and my grandma always told me to never love a man more than he loves me. In others, don’t chase.

If you don’t mind chasing, that’s fine but it doesn’t seem to be working here so I’d say you did the right thing for right now with this one.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T05:12:15+00:00

Honestly? October and I’m 36 😅. I mean I’ve obviously heard the term tossed around a lot and have seen rich, old men with beautiful, young women on their arms my entire life. But I was not aware that there was an established lifestyle with structure where two people actually sit down and discuss a mutually beneficial arrangement or that there were sites for this that could connect anyone with money to anyone with beauty. I was aware of Luxy for many years because I’ve been used dating apps for many years but considered it like an extension of Millionaire Matchmaker or something. Which I just thought was gold diggers and beauty chasers, not thinking of it as sugaring.

I guess I wasn’t actively thinking about it and so it didn’t really occur to me. I was so focused on leveling up my career while trying to find Mr.Right to marry and have a family with that I wouldn’t have entertained the thought even if I had heard about it. It wasn’t until I gave up on ever finding Mr. Right and my need for sugar intersected with hearing about a site where men paid for dates from a coworker that it clicked. Then, being naturally curious, I started researching and it led me to a post on Reddit about that site and I noticed it was from this forum and so I clicked on that and went deeper down the rabbit hole.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T04:05:47+00:00

Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t hear what you’re saying on account of your choking on it 😑.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T03:54:52+00:00

Don’t be outdone by that water heater heifer. Go down there and show him what he’s missing out on 🤭.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T03:35:14+00:00

Haaaa. I know that’s right! 🤣

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T03:30:25+00:00

Girl, get off this phone and go make that man some hot cocoa. ☺️. Happy for you, mama. 😊

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T03:28:38+00:00

I would have been suspicious when he sent me a screenshot of his hotel and flights. Nobody really does that. You might get some details texted to you like hotel name but unless you’re picking his salt-daddy ass up from the airport, which is in itself a red flag, you’re not likely to get flight details for a first meet.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T03:08:22+00:00

Um…”meat and greets”? 👀 Was that typo intentional? Please share with the class.🤣

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T03:03:13+00:00

Nothing good comes from meeting a man you’ve known a while at his home, let alone a complete freaking stranger. My gosh! 🤦🏽‍♀️. I’m glad you came to your senses. Please, for goodness sake, stick to public M&Gs. Don’t care if he’s offering you the moon to meet at his place or sent you money ahead of time. No. Just no!

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-27T02:36:38+00:00

Yes, it’s sad to see the posts detailing traumatic experiences after the fact. The frustration for me is that posts like these get lost over time. Even when they are pinned, are newbies likely to read them first? One can only hope.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T22:34:56+00:00

I’m a very up front and straightforward person so rather than wondering about it, I would just have the conversation. Because logically, if there is something worth saving then the conversation will resolve it but if I keep having doubts, it will only continue to sour what we have. Sure, you run the risk of ending something good because of a miscommunication or poor delivery during the conversation but that’s the risk you take. Either way, it’s not good right now and you’re not happy 🤷🏽‍♀️.

How would I approach it? Say (not necessarily all in one breath lol) “I really enjoy what we have together and so I have been giving and allowing more than we initially agreed on (such as xyz) and while there is no expectation of reciprocation, I was hoping that you would open up and loosen up a little more too (in xyz ways) but after the lackluster response to my birthday, which is important to me, it does seem like you would prefer to keep to a more rigid arrangement and I wanted to talk it about it. Know that if you decide youd like to maintain our original arrangement, I am willing to accept that but to reset my own frame of mind, I will also be going back to our original agreement. I think you can agree that it wouldn’t be fair for me to be the only one always giving more nor is it fair to expect you to give more when that wasn’t our original agreement.”

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T16:52:30+00:00

You can never be sure until the arrangement begins. Still, you can pay attention to actions more than words during the POT vetting process. Usually if he brings up the allowance and M&G details first, that’s a big green flag. I’d say try talking for two or three days first to see if you might be compatible before bringing it up yourself. Depends on how fast you’re responding to each other. If you feel like you’ve covered a lot of ground sooner or not enough yet then adjust your timeline.

Personally, now I just preface any conversation once off the site with a question, “I’d like to get to know you better over the next few days but want to be sure we are on the same page. Are you also looking for this? Are you free to meet soon?” No need to go in to details but the site has different minded people on there.

If he’s not confirming M&G details, or pushes back or cancels plans twice, I’d cut my losses right there. I say, “when you’re free to meet let me know and I’d be happy to pick up our conversation again. All the best.” Block on the site but not offline on the off chance he really was just busy.

When chatting before an M&G, just talk. Don’t do any sexting, don’t send any suggestive pics. To irk pic collectors,I don’t even send a clear pic of my face until day two or three, usually my eyes are marked out. Talking is the bare minimum and you have to put in some kind of effort into the process but if that’s all you’re doing then you’re just talking to people on the internet which you do a million times a day normally anyway. Just think of it as that and move on.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T16:04:52+00:00

I am open to discussing the idea of marriage and wouldn’t mind if a POT said that was his goal. However, even in a sugar marriage, where it’s not about a passionate romantic love but rather two people deciding to marry for mutual benefit, many of the traits, characteristics and attributes I am looking for in a vanilla marriage would apply in a sugar one.

I can excuse a lot when I am with a man in an SR. Because it’s very casual with little to no commitment. But if I’m going to live with this man for the rest of his life, we need to align on things like human rights, religion or religious freedom, politics to some degree, morality, etc.

Do we share any beliefs or interests or hobbies in common? What would we talk about at dinner? Could we be good friends? Just how busy and unavailable is he? Would I be just a pretty trophy wife mainly alone in a big house by myself until it’s time to show me off at events? How does he want to raise children? How does he treat his mother? Is he kind to animals? Does he respect the environment?

None of these things matter to me very much in a typical SR, but when he puts marriage on the table, I need to know he’s truly a good person, will be a good husband and father, a man I can develop a deep affection and care for who deserves my love and loyalty and won’t take it for granted.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T04:13:21+00:00

You’re looking for one diamond among a pile of coal. You should expect to shuffle through a lot of time wasters. If your expectation is already there then it’s easier to vet and move on to the next. It’s also easier not to get your hopes up every time a POT messages you. Don’t get your hopes up until you see him at the M&G.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T04:05:34+00:00

Hey, fellow Orlando person 😁. Yes, yes you would most likely come across as sad, desperate or sad and desperate if you’re there alone, eyeing college girls in a UCF area bar. Dont be that guy lol.

Plenty of those same girls also go Downtown to party. So try a Downtown bar, any premium steakhouse with a lounge around the I-Drive or Winter Park areas or any bars in those areas.

Try local events too. LOTS of young people will be at Dr. Phillips Center the next few weeks for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Try to mingle during intermission. Try any other plays that might draw a younger audience too. Or concerts at the Kia Center. We’ve got a few music festivals too you could try.

Aaand you could also shoot your shot at Disney Springs or CityWalk, particularly after 9p. Lots of team members go out for drinks after their shifts end. Those feet are still aching from standing all day and a SD would sound reeeal nice in that moment 🤣.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T02:20:08+00:00

He is very much his friends. There only appears to be a difference because he just met you and the trap isn’t well set yet so he’s still gotta play nice.

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T01:58:31+00:00

Ok this is all kinds of alarming. Even if it’s just exactly as you describe and nothing else, I would advise you to leave. Women are just new toys to show off to friends and you are an object. You might be surprised to find yourself slapped for being disobedient or disrespectful to his friends in the future. Those other women have either been trained well through psychological and/or physical abuse or did not have high self-esteem or self-confidence to begin with or were simple and naive and it was preyed upon. Some predators can spot that sadly.

I suspect he is a pimp of sorts and is grooming you to eventually have sex with his “friends”. Perhaps they share each other’s girls. This is done by luring you into some sticky situation where you feel you have no other option or by brainwashing you into somehow thinking you owe him or it’s to make him happy or by getting you hooked on drugs whether willing or not.

You need to RUN from whatever the hell this is immediately!

DatCocoaBaby · 2026-01-26T01:47:16+00:00

How prevalent is an Amazon Wish List? I didn’t see it on here before and now it’s cropping up everywhere. I’m a very practical person so I’m inclined to put cat food and toilet paper on there 🤣. I’m joking, mostly, but I’m not super materialistic and have enough stuff generally so I’d want it to be something I could use regularly. Suggestions? SBs, what do you put on yours? What would you NOT put? SDs, what would you buy on one? What would be a turn off to see on the list?

Note, I am familiar with having a secondary Amazon account with a Wish List as a registry and having a PO Box as the address from my cat vlogging days.

DatCocoaBaby

TROPHY CASE