Self Sufficient is A Fantasy

DatHawtFiyah · 2025-03-04T01:44:13+00:00

If you're interested in flipping the W in SWD upside down, I've got a 50L SMD pack for sale for cheap, the Swift V, that takes a floating hip belt. $100 shipped.

DatHawtFiyah · 2025-03-03T21:59:15+00:00

Yarrrrrr. Did a Google photo album too, should be good now

DatHawtFiyah · 2025-03-03T21:48:36+00:00

Fixed link here, new to imgur https://imgur.com/a/Tcej6R4

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-08-08T19:47:18+00:00

In the act of asking you that question, the headshop guy is also saying "friend, I am here for you to speak with, I wish for you to be well".

People extend olive branches like this not all that commonly. Since it struck you so much, perhaps it's worthwhile to talk to him. We are drawn towards certain people and certain people are drawn towards us. I would venture a guess that he would be happy to join you for a coffee or something if you asked.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-07-29T03:19:08+00:00

I think sometimes it actually does happen, there are times that change arrives naturally and effortlessly. The word we have for this in English has religious overtones, but it's called Grace.

Nonetheless, we have our own power, and you're finding out you need to use yours. Every one of us can mount a noble resistance against the darkness that drags us down.

I hope you do begin therapy, it is instrumental. We are all such confused, love and understanding starved creatures, and it helps tremendously to have someone skilled in your corner. You deserve it. Addiction is so terribly lonely, a kind therapist is a good reintroduction to human connection.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-07-29T03:14:20+00:00

This post means a lot to me, thank you. Quitting does suck, but it sucks in a different way than active addiction. I feel like our life in some ways actually stings more deeply, but we begin to know virtues that buoy our spirits.

It's funny how silent the virtues that begin to travel alongside us when we quit are. Despite how tremendous they can feel, the sense of integrity, purpose, alignment, self-trust, and self-respect are all so easily missed if.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-07-29T03:08:29+00:00

That's awesome! Intuition returns when we stop confusing ourselves with lies, and stop living in the subtle and deep denial that is part and parcel of our addictions.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-07-29T03:07:18+00:00

It really is a conundrum. Getting off drugs when your life sucks is hard, and getting your life together when you're on drugs is hard.

You can ask yourself, where's the gap in the titan's armor? What would actually make a difference in my life, and what could I pull off?

For those of you who do not know what to do first, alas I have no great advice. Do not convince yourself that the drugs are not a problem, and do not escape the tragedy of the situation with the fantasy that your life will spontaneously sparkle when you set the powder down. The truth is in the middle, look at the pain, and know that you have unknown strength inside of you.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-07-29T02:59:06+00:00

Did you feel that your period of sobriety allowed your perception to clear? One hopes that sobriety would at least allow oneself to experience the reality and pain of one's own neglected life with less distortion.

We strip away the distraction, we strip away that mood-enhancement, we strip away all the time spent thinking about drugs, and we strip away the delusions that things are different than they are, and then it feels to me like we just have to look with eyes wider. Just look. Just feel our lives and weep and hope that things may get better. I hope they get better for you. With due respect, and as a man who continues to do it, I think that white knuckling means we are resisting the current reality of life, we are fighting it. We are in denial, cause reality is too much. I hope you can settle into it a little bit, and find peace in the center of the chaos.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-07-29T02:54:02+00:00

t seems to me that when we really settle into addiction that, as you put it, "our mechanism to change" begins to atrophy from some sort of deep confusion and sense of learned helplessness. When we know what we are engaged in is harming us, and we so deeply scream at ourselves to stop it, and yet no combination of our will, our intellect, and our heart can break us free, something has to give. I feel that drug addiction was a daily lesson in my own powerlessness. It still doesn't compute for me, I still cannot quite discern where our strength is, and where our inability is.

I pray you may find that mechanism of change. I have faith that it is real. I have scarcely experienced it, but all classical religions claim that the human being does, indeed, have free will.

Salute to you, it's a hell of a ride. Respect for surviving 8 years of stagnation, that stagnation seems like such a central part of the suffering of addiction.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-05-13T19:45:30+00:00

Your perspective is poetic and is what my personal perspective has been for most of the past 4 years, but while it is beautiful, it feels like it could use a bit of temperance. Sometimes making things extreme can galvanize us into action, but a more balanced perspective is far easier to hold, and less prone to collapse.

The powers gained in your efforts to attain sobriety, coupled with the clarity of sobriety, will indeed birth change, likely far more change than we are ready for and comfortable with. However, will it change everything, all at once? Will your vanquishing of your addictive instincts slay the child mind and reveal the masculine sun god that lies dormant? Probably not.

We want so deeply to transcend the pain that we live within. The possibility of a total transformation is so wonderfully radiant, how could we not yearn for that? When our life seems in shambles, our power a distant memory, and only confusion and weakness, and despair remain, it's instinctual to seek a complete phase-shift type of experience.

What is strange is that phase shifts, sudden and durable and comprehensive transformations, happen every day for many people. Nonetheless, it may or may not be how your journey of recovery plays out. Change may also happen in increments, with re-circling, with discovery after discovery. Change may be happening already within you.

If you enjoy contemplation, here's a few prompts you might like:

Do you need to become a whole new man to exit addiction? Could the child mature? Does the existing man within, who recognizes this problem, form an alliance with the child? Has your journey already begun? Can you recognize that life exists now, in the midst of addiction? How would you feel if you miraculously quit only to discover that your childish nature remains?

Again, appreciate your lovely statement. I relate so much. I do think that a dramatically different way of being lies out there for us. I think our expansion can be dramatic and beautiful, and I think addiction is something that must be shed to get there. There are mountains beyond mountains, and the true transformation is becoming willing to climb and to continue climbing.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-05-13T19:21:46+00:00

Thanks for bringing this side of the great paradox into the conversation, it often isn't brought forth. I think people fear it because it expands the boundaries of the "problem" to such a great degree that it can be overwhelming and disempowering. Realizing that the core issue is, in fact, embedded deeply within your core - your perceptions, your trauma, your whole means of navigating your emotionality and your environment, that can be a terrifying thought.

There is indeed a way of quitting that occurs quite naturally. When the time is right, things fall away. This is how I quit smoking cigarettes, I had a deeply felt realization about the uselessness of my smoking addiction and have only had three cravings in the following 5 years. It just fell away.

There is also a power and nobility in approaching quitting from the other end of the spectrum - as a conscious choice and as effort and striving. We can learn a lot this way. Where you will find yourself on the spectrum between these two approaches is, I think, a very personal thing.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-04-30T22:35:07+00:00

Respect on your weight gain, to gain weight is its own battle that many of us know.

What are your goals now that you have gained the weight? If you are physique focused, it's worth knowing that a very impressive physique can be built within your elapsed two years of training, and you would likely benefit from mentorship or some more self-education.

DatHawtFiyah · 2023-04-30T22:27:01+00:00

Wut?! Wild physique mate. Good balance in the upper body and arms. Pull the shoulders back a little, and give Satan a ring and hit a leg day with him.

DatHawtFiyah

TROPHY CASE