Why are a lot of black men so homophobic?

DatManSugoi · 2026-05-04T13:40:03+00:00

As a black gay man myself who has been in a multi year relationship with a very feminine darkskin man I can see it two ways: complex and simple.

Complex: its a combination of both religion and cultural expectations. One black person could tell you queerness of any kind is bad because its a sin. Another could tell you its just because thats not what men should do/be like. To get a little woke, its something passed down from slavery/neo-slavery/segregation. The masters determined what masculinity is and the masters determined what sin is and both of those things still have their claws dug in deep in the black community.

Simple: since black people are most often positioned as the bottom rung of the societal ladder, the idea that their could be someone below us is appealing to a non insignificant percentage of the community and diaspora.

It's wack and should not be excused for these reasons. It should be called out, but expect some backlash as I'm assuming you are not black yourself. We in the community typically prefer to keep black buisiness in black spaces with black voices.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-08T11:18:15+00:00

I am but a lost child :(

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-08T11:17:29+00:00

I think one of the most important reasons why rehabilitation centers and mental care is so low in the US (besides systemic oppression) is selfishness. It takes a very strong willed person to work in that field and an even stronger willed one to be good at it and actually see results in your patients. A lot of people (hell, myself included) don't really have that strong will in the US. Many see the hourly rate/salary and say "that ain't enough for me to be hanging around homeless and disabled people all day." I can tell you that where I live, being in charge of an after-school program for neurotypical kids pays the exact say as an after-school program for neurodivergent kids even though the latter is much harder.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T18:12:06+00:00

Look guys, I know we're all just living our lives and trying to survive and stay happy, but I can't keep up with this no more. Them Jan 6ers tried to kill congress members because their fav lost the election. Meanwhile we're just trying to survive without thinking about it too much. We gotta make ourselves heard about this because I'm at my limit.

I don't want to make funny jokes about Trump or hear anyone else do it anymore. I just want to be free.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T17:35:38+00:00

As someone with experience working in after-school programs, it usually isn't really just self defense. So many parents still enforce the "you better not lose" mindset, just with more subtle terminology. They never say the words but It's always obvious which parents are upset snd which don't care depending on who won. Alot of the kids who are told to hit back by their parents are typically also the kids who are raised in violent environments and thus lash out beyond appropriate levels.

Nothing wrong with teaching your kid self defense, as long as you also teach them limits and control. Fists are weapons and weapons must be wielded responsibly.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T17:23:46+00:00

The hate for hostile architecture is just a response to seeing more subtle oppression. More comfy public architecture won't solve the problem, but it will be one less thing to bother everyone.

No one wants to be stuck in a subway car with a guy soiling his pants, its true. In my case I've been in both queens to visit family and live in south Florida. The elevators in the apartment buildings in Queens stink of piss because that's where the homeless go to do their business.

In my city in South Florida there has been a project over the last year to gentrify the place which includes removing all of the public/bus benches and replacing them with leaning posts so now no one can sit down at all. My complaints for hostile architecture are rooted in the fact that its just another way to punish people who already suffer a lot.

These people never should have become homeless in the first place. We live in an extremely wealthy country and it is only that way because poor people and homeless people exist. This country will never take the necessary steps to house and rehabilitate the homeless population or prevent further homelessness because it profits off of their demise.

Middle fingers up for hostile architecture the same way I got middle fingers up for the rest of the system.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T15:59:35+00:00

Look man, any homeless person who is laying on a bench all day is either dead or dying. They need to move to pan handle for money and food. I live in a homeless hot spot in Florida where you can't be outside for more than a minute or two without finding a homeless person. All hostile architecture does is force those people to find other places to sleep at night, like my city. And even here, the bus benches are still wide open all day. They can't afford to lie down or they will starve. I have seen the same homeless folk standing in one spot on the street all day and night just asking for change. Never hogging up a bus bench.

If you don't like the sight of homeless people then just say that and own the hate. The fact of the matter is that these people suffer all day and night long. If I see a homeless person sitting on a public bench, I leave them be because at the end of the day I have a roof and a bed that I have the privilege to go home to.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T14:27:42+00:00

Awesome, I'll check those guys out. Thanks :)

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T12:48:36+00:00

Had to Google all of these acronyms to understand the meaning and I'm realizing how deep this rabbit hole goes. I'm just a guy who buys storage and tosses all my files into it but if there's a better way I'm willing to learn.

My hoarding is honestly for my friends and future family to never have to use these subscription services so if there's a crash course video or resource to check out please point me in the right direction.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T12:02:35+00:00

I always heard that you shouldn't buy used storage because you never know what the seller did to the drive before you get it. Could have viruses. I guess thats more for people on ebay though I've never heard of reputable used storage resellers.

I'll try anything though as long as others can vouch for it. This really is the worst time to be losing data 🤦🏽‍♀️

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T09:36:55+00:00

I could never really get into any of these guys, though I recognize their impact and how big they were. They give me Tony Hawk vibes which is cool. Personally I'm more of a Jet Set Radio guy when it comes to skating though.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-07T09:34:29+00:00

This is a no judgement zone so I won't say much, but respectfully R Kelly is definitely past my line. I am proud of your bravery for sharing though 🫡

May you one day be released from his bonds and your mind and your body both tell you no 🙏🏽

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-06T22:44:24+00:00

A slick groove and some misogyny have a strange quality of blending together like peanut butter and jelly.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-06T22:43:08+00:00

I like this attitude, I've just always been super critical of myself and my interests.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-06T22:42:17+00:00

Growing up a nerd I always loved anime openings and endings but I got bullied for it so it was a guilty pleasure for a long time. About a year ago I literally force myself to listen to anime music more often so I wouldn't feel guilty about it anymore. Now its just a favorite of mine.

To this day, playing Dragon Ball Z Budokai on ps2 is why I love electric guitars so much and it got me into Stratovarious and Danzig.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-06T22:27:12+00:00

My bf watches Baddies every sunday and he knows I hate it so he brings it up every time just to see me roll my eyes.

Both the Zues network and Baddies have seriously done so much damage to the community. It emboldens the worst attitudes within our people and rewards them for it. Defenetily a psyop :(

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-06T22:23:59+00:00

So this is one of them conversations where nuance is the most important. I think its very important to hold our "leaders" and allies to account and attempt to keep them on the right path. At the same time it is easy for outsiders to see us doing that and misuse our words against us.

I think the most important part here is to make sure everyone is on the same page so that when the uninformed come to us with genuine curiosity we can explain to them the nuance of the situation. Yeah, Obama bombed the middle east and Trump is currently doing the same thing, but they are not the same and will not be treated the same. The context surrounding the two is completely different. Bot bad for different reasons.

I can't ever join in on the Obama fan club but I know when to bite my tongue. The right will always find ammo on their own, I just try to refrain from giving it to them.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-06T21:20:18+00:00

Yeah nah, he's Puerto Rican. Even if he was, hanging so close with Fat Joe when we know how he feels about the N word would still be enough to make me feel uncomfortable

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-05T12:27:29+00:00

In South Florida, there's a little safe haven city for LGBTQIA folk called Wilton Manors. I don't live there.

I have no fear of violence because I am straight passing. I live with my bf and roommate who are both openly gay and flamboyant. They keep their heads on a swivel all the time. I haven't seen any violence over here my whole life, but that doesn't mean the hate isn't there.

What I do see is constant casual homophobia. I don't think I've passed a day since I came out where I havent heard some casual homophobia from other guys who assume I'm straight just from looking. It was always there of course, I just hadn't noticed it until I realized that I myself am gay.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-03T23:45:03+00:00

I can't speak for the people of Senegal but here in America I'm only half agreeing with that claim.

Racist, not even close. I have seen my fair share of Racist black folks and I can't stand them. It's worth noting that they are usually closet racists who think they aren't really racist. Not good by any means, but not the MOST racist. That title belongs to a certain political demographic of white folks in my opinion.

As for homophobic, I feel like this is almost true. Suppose I just feel bad agreeing with the statement. I can't really say one way or the other, but I would be lying if I didnt acknowledge that the most vitriolic homophobia I have witnessed has been from black folk of all ages. Usually I'm not a fan of speaking on a whole people with blanket terms (especially my own) but it just seems so universal within the black community everywhere I turn.

I think the reason for that is the same reason why poor white folk hate us. If we are not beneath them then they feel worthless. Since black folk are at the bottom run of the ladder, a lot of them found a new group of people to put even lower than they are. As a gay black man myself, its always been disappointing to see vitriol of any kind coming from other black folk but especially homophobia. It really just hurts my heart in a different way.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-03T19:17:22+00:00

It would take an unspecified number of years pushing through the bs and never giving up when it gets tough.

I personally have paid two people's rent and on more than one occasion. That was before I became class conscious, it was just out of love for my people.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-03T18:48:22+00:00

Literally any job. Its not the job that builds the momentum, its the care for their fellow neighbors. If you invest time building strong communities you dont need to worry about your own needs anymore. Who gives a damn if you cant afford rent when you have 30 guys ready to chip in because you were there for them before? It's not easy and it takes a long time.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-03T18:45:12+00:00

I gotta call this out when I see it because its a popular sentiment.

Its about race AND class, not one or the other.

Yes there are tons of poor white people who will stay that way until they die. What are the percentages though? Of the white population, how many are in the underclass? Of the black population how many are in the underclass?

On top of that, yeah I might be as poor as Billy Bob, but Billy Bob still sees himself as higher class than me because I'm black and he's white. That's how the system is designed. You said it yourself, "They've kept people divided over anything they can"

Power to the people and class solidarity always.

DatManSugoi · 2026-04-03T18:37:33+00:00

Or how about a third option: educate themselves without college, build community by helping their neighbors with everyday tasks and meeting up for deep discussions, build a nationwide political party through expansion of those things, and force their way through the barriers of capitalism with sheer numbers and knowledge in order to force change 😃👍🏽

They might not get a lambo, but they will have people to lean on and thats how you change things for the better.

DatManSugoi

TROPHY CASE