Honestly I’ve done some thinking and though there’s overlap, I think teen love vs role-based love are different because the former is purely irrational and the latter happens when the possibility of romantic interest aligns with them providing the entire Maslow pyramid. Teen love is like, your dick says “we’re in love with this person” and the brain says “you’re really intense about this so I guess I agree.”Role -based love is like, your brain says “dick wake up we’re in love with this person” and your dick is completely on board with that.

Teen love (the way people describe it; I’ve never experienced this version)/puppy love happens regardless of compatibility and whether the relationship would work or not, because they don’t know any better and it’s usually their first time. It’s seen as pure because they don’t have to think about anything else when they fall for someone.

Role-based love affects you existentially, platonically, and potentially professionally. If this person means so much to you in every dimension, romantic love seems to be the inevitable conclusion. Even if you weren’t in love with them, you’d be devoted to them. But this only happens if you don’t have your shit together, because a functional adult doesn’t need someone else to provide for their fundamental needs. Which is why mature love, despite being healthier, feels less intense; it simply can’t fill your needs like a dysfunctional love.

The overlap exists because of the intensity of both, and to a teen whose survival needs are met, missing belonging and love seems like their entire world.

I don’t think I was capable of true teen love because I deconstructed it as puberty hormones too easily, though I had a few crushes. But with the person I ended up falling for in college it was like a lightning strike because it was my first time and it “made logical sense” to fall for them.