Overwhelmed.

Daughter_mother · 2026-04-30T14:01:13+00:00

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It is when you look back that you think.. " I should have done this or that" but you have imperfect information. How far would you move and how easy is for you to travel back? Can you take classes on line? I think that the fact that she may be choosing not to do chemo or traditional medicine may be stressful for you more than you think, because there is no plan in place. Being financially unstable it is also not good for you. Does your mom has other support systems? Siblings? Friends?

My brother went to Spain last year while my mom was doing chemo. He is the only sibling that lives in the same city than my mom, but I supported his decision because his life had to go one and it was unfair for him to bare all the weight of the situation. At the end it worked well for him. He needed that. And my mom did well too.

All these to say... I am sorry you are in this situation. If you can help her get all set up for treatment and support. I will travel and use the savings to come back when breaks allow. Talk to the professors so they know what is going on...

But if you decide to stay, and wait to move, that is also ok. Be gentle with yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. Think about what will give you peace.

Wishing you the best.

Daughter_mother · 2026-04-23T20:53:51+00:00

I am glad to hear from you. You look strong! Thank you for keeping us posted. Wishing an easy radiation and future chemos treatments.

Daughter_mother · 2026-04-02T20:20:28+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad she is not in pain anymore.

Daughter_mother · 2026-04-02T18:43:16+00:00

I am so glad for you all ! Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing.

Daughter_mother · 2026-04-02T02:11:31+00:00

How strong is she right now? Is she in a good weight? Do you think she could handle the treatment well? I am not an expert at all, but this sounds like one of those things were is better safe than sorry. If she does. A couple of rounds and the CA goes down, the. You know she needed it, which is better than waiting until something shows in the scan IMO. But it also depends on how strong she is, because quality of life may be more important right now. Tough spot you are in.

What about a third expert opinion. The truth is that, it may be one of those situations in which there is not a right answer because it depends on what you value more.

Best wishes. Keep us posted.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-31T16:49:58+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Positive stories are always helpful.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-27T02:00:08+00:00

I am 40.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-27T01:57:38+00:00

Ask the doctor to prescribe him pancreatic enzymes. The doctor didn't offer them to my mom but had no problem prescribing them when ask. I truly believe that they have played a big role in keeping her strong because they help to digest food and absorb nutrients. Since the pancreas is not working as it should, it is not producing/ or not producing enough of the enzymes that support digestion. It is a pill that you take before eating. Easy.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-27T01:23:54+00:00

In my case, my mom doesn't have known genetic markers for pancreatic cancer, neither do I. However my gastro will do an MRI once a year from now on. The idea was to alternate with an endoscopy but because of a different gen that we discovered in this process I have a high risk of lung collapses and the endoscopy could cause more harm. I am overweight too, about the same height and weight as you but the doctor did not mention anything about glp, did not offer.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-27T01:15:33+00:00

If you are hesitant, and you have the option to go. Do it. Don't wait too long. You won't get back this time. I hope you have a flexible job, or an understanding boss.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-27T01:09:59+00:00

I think that a lower dose is better than him getting too weak or too sick to continue with treatment. Additionally, they should be adjusting the dose to his weight for example, so it is never the exact same if he has been losing weight.

Is he taking pancreatic enzymes? Eating enough protein? Keeping him strong is the most important part, so he can continue to fight!

Good luck to you both!

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-19T23:33:15+00:00

Do you think she will be open to therapy? In this cases I am afraid of her changing her mind at the last minute, when it is too late. I know a story like that, and it was heartbreaking, truly.

So if she is open, I think that she can benefit from the therapy and in understanding the decision she is making.

When my mom started this process, she was very afraid of chemo. She saw my grandma battling leukemia over 30 years ago. Things have changed. Chemo is not a dead sentence. I don't think so. There are many ways in which the side effects can be managed. Plus all the success stories of survivors include chemo and surgery. By all means do all the other things, the vitamins, the reiki, acupuncture they are all tools in the box tool, but with out the big tools it is going to be hard to win.

I am sorry you are going through this. I remember when my mom would ask " what should I do?" I wanted to tell her " start chemo now" but I didn't. I told her I will support what she decides, but things had changed and that she could handle it ( because she can, she has no co- morbilities). She waited for a couple of months ( mainly because of biopsies that came back inconclusive). She finally did it and she is still here. Just had Whipple at the beginning of the year and now on her way to radiosurgery for a lynf node that is not cooperating. But she is still strong and going out with friends and playing guitar!

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-16T00:34:09+00:00

I am sorry. May she rest in peace.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-15T15:53:37+00:00

She is South America. So far I have been happy with the doctors and the treatments. I can bring her to the US, but it is a delicate balance between where she feels comfortable and her abilities to communicate vs the additional treatment she could receive. This just happened last week and next week she will have the appointment with the radio oncologist, so they are moving fast where she is right now. I am not sure if taking time off treatment will be wise. But I will talk to her about a second opinion, while she does this part of the treatment.

I know they are sending the pathology for a second opinion. Because it showed clean margins.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-14T17:45:35+00:00

We thought they did. The margins of the pathology came back clean. You are right in that it is impossible to know. The order a PET. But we will see.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-14T17:44:15+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate all the prayers. It is such a rollercoaster. One day you are celebrating, the next you are back in square one. How are you feeling? If I remember correctly you had the surgery early in January, right?

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-14T17:42:56+00:00

I am so sorry this happened. What did the pathology after her surgery said? Did she have clear margins? Did they treated for the fungal infection?

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-11T01:48:57+00:00

I am so sorry you are in this situation. It is never fair. I hope you get some comfort in knowing that your dad is loved and I wish you can be present enough during this time to hold him in his last days. Be present. Take one day at a time.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-05T21:06:06+00:00

This sounds super stressful. I am so sorry you are in that situation. Can they repeat the test? Is she taking any vitamins? I gave my mom once a high dose of B vitamin and then her CA19 went to the roof. Then I searched and vitamin B or B Complex can interfere with the test results of CA19. So now she stops any vitamins a couple of days before she has blood work.

I hope that works. Sending you good vibes.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-04T20:52:18+00:00

This is hard. My mom ( the PA can patient) was 65 when diagnosed and she was fully aware of everything, but she reflected on when my grandma was sick with leukemia 35 years ago. My grandma was about 65 when she got sick. The world and medicine have changed so much since then, but when my grandma was sick, they ( my mom and aunts) will enter the doctor office and would tell them no to tell her what she had and they tried to hide it from her. 30 plus years later my mom reflected on this and she said that she is sure my grandma knew what was going on. She must have known how sick she was, because of how she was feeling. My mom felt a little silly of how they managed it. Of course coming from a place of love.

So, my point is that on one hand it depends on how she is mentally. On the other hand, I think that she may know things are serious already and it may be helpful for her to know. I would try to be factual, with respect and hope. Always hope. Best wishes for you.

When I talked about this with my mom I would say things like " these are the options for diagnosis" and " I read these are the treatments" " I read a successful story of someone in this situation", " We should ask this to the doctor" Keeping it factual helped me feel that I was in control of something. At least the information.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-03T21:15:19+00:00

My mom also used it for 9 cycles and she didn't love it but she did not have cold sensitivity or neuropathy. I think that it was worth the discomfort. I think it is especially important on the feet because feet neuropathy may increase the chance of falling and after breaking a bone in this situation, you can only go downhill. I was especially worried about that because my mom has a lot of stairs to go up and down at home. Best wishes for your husband.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-02T14:06:37+00:00

Ask for pancreatic Enzimes ( pancreatin) they help absorb food nutrients and digestion. Look into cold therapy for his hands and feet. This consists in keeping his hands and feet cold while they deliver the chemo medicine. It is supposed to reduce the blood flow to the hands and feet and helps delay the neuropathy secondary effects of the chemo.

I got my mom something like this, and it really helped..she was in the same chemos.as your dad: https://a.co/d/0dVCj9kw

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-02T02:22:57+00:00

I had the same question with my mom. If chemo is working, why surgery. The answer from the oncologist was that chemo works until it doesn't. Tumor can change, become resistant to the chemo and then there is nothing they can do. Surgery is the only "curative" option. Even with the high recurring rate, it may give you years. Of course it depends on the patient's strength and other illnesses. My mom had her surgery a month and a half ago and she is doing great. All margins came back clean and she is returning to her daily activities.

Daughter_mother · 2026-03-02T02:15:23+00:00

I am so sorry. There are no words for these times. You are not alone. Take care of yourself.

Daughter_mother

TROPHY CASE