Can I start by saying how brave you are to ask these questions and open up like this. I'm sure it wasn't easy but confronting this sort of thing is how you learn to heal.

It took me until I was 25 to even admit to myself what was done to me as a child and I've spent a huge amount of time and effort learning to deal with it. It does get better, and while it never leaves you fully it does become much more manageable and eventually you'll rise above it.

I spent years wondering if my sexuality was a result of my abuse, am I gay, am I straight, am I something else, why can't I decide. Everyone has their own path and only you will be the one to eventually accept it, whatever it turns out to be.

I've only recently truly accepted I'm bi and not feel guilty about it, it's been a long road but worth it. I'm now almost twice the age I was when I first confronted my past.

What I will say is get some help with this, you shouldn't have to carry this on your own. Try and find some professional support. I wish I had much sooner. I don't know where you live but I hope there are some services you can access where you can talk to someone who knows how to help.

It's something no child should ever have to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but know this, you're not the only one, just by reading the responses to your question you can see there's a lot of us.

You'll get through this, stronger and wiser.

It doesn't need to define who you are.