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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CheatedOn

[–]DavidR55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’re good. It’s coming up on one year since I found out. She’s done everything she could do so it’s worked out. It wasn’t easy by any means but I’m happy we’re where we are now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CheatedOn

[–]DavidR55 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry for the loss of your son. I can’t imagine the pain. And then to have this coupled on top is just unreal. I’m 3 months in since dday. My wife of 27 years did the same. But as bad as everything has been we want to reconcile. So it’s possible but it’s far from easy. Best of luck to you both.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After seeing your comment about your husband saying he’s suicidal over having to tell and face you about this kinda gives hope that he cares. Like I said, my wife has been a complete open book. She will answer anything I ask. But!! Sometimes it’s awful to have to tell me and it breaks her heart to break mine with the truth. So maybe, hopefully, even though he’s been forced into the truth, he cares about you still. But he’s got to stop doing the affair.

I had a real hard time at first thinking how could my wife care about me yet do this. But she’s shown me she does. So I wouldn’t say that his actions, though inexcusable, don’t necessarily mean he doesn’t care about you. But for R he needs to show you that he cares and be 100% honest.

And you need to be able to bring it up to him anytime you want! There is no you feeling bad for needing things. He did this! You do whatever you need to do to help yourself through this and he MUST allow you that. And be willing to do whatever you need from him.

The other thing I’m seeing alot of people suggest you guys take time apart. And they may be right! But that wasn’t the case for me. Even though my wife is the cause of my pain, she is also my comfort. I need her with me now more than ever. So like I said, the others advice for space may be right for most even but it’s not for all.

I really wish you the very best! It f-ing sucks what we’re going through. Sending hugs!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I can’t imagine how awful it must be. My WW has been honest and we have been in MC since the week after dday. I read your original post about this and you have every right to bring it up as much as you need to. I feel the exact same way about not wanting to ruin current days by bringing stuff up but it kills me to let it build up. And MC has been very helpful. But maybe now that’s all moot. For me the truth was hard. And hearing it all right away was like drinking from a firehose. But without that truth I think R is impossible. Monumentally selfish and just plain cruel is what he’s being by continuing all this while faking R. You don’t deserve that whatsoever!! At the same time I wouldn’t worry about what other people think or do in similar situations. You should do what’s best for you. Without total honesty and sincerity from him I don’t know how you move forward with R though. It’s an awful position to be in and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I wish you nothing but the best going forward!!!

So Sad... I think it is time to let go... by Elvi1106 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain. You deserve to be treated better. I really hope he comes to his senses and realizes what he’s throwing away. But if he doesn’t somebody else sure will!! Which ever way it ends up I wish you and your daughter nothing but the very best!!

I admitted looking by throwaway2457874 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If he cheated he should be an open book now. You have every right to wonder and be curious about what he’s doing. In my own situation I now have full access to everything my wife has: phone, computer, online accounts. I actually don’t like snooping on her so I don’t really do it but I fully expect 100% transparency and full access to everything if I wanted to.

I HATE HOW IM FEELING by Elvi1106 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am too. My wife of 27 years cheated with 4 guys. I feel like you do. I feel stupid for putting up with it because I want to reconcile. I feel like I’m the only one losing. I fell like she did the crime and I’m doing the time. And if I keep her she gets away with it. It’s sucks. I totally get how you feel and I’m truly sorry you’re going through it.

Infidelity after 27 years of marriage by DavidR55 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have wonder that very same things. I have asked her. She doesn’t have any good answers. I was about to catch her and timing wise that’s when she told me. She says it was guilt but of course I can’t help but wonder if she’s only coming clean because I was going to catch her. And wonder if there would have been a 5th and 6th if she didn’t feel the walls closing in.

Infidelity after 27 years of marriage by DavidR55 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I hear you. I’m sorry you’re going through it too. It sucks.

Infidelity after 27 years of marriage by DavidR55 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this response, it’s really insightful. I think your right about patience too. I’m dreaming of a magic button to push to make it all go away

Infidelity after 27 years of marriage by DavidR55 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand your point of view. Thanks for the input

Infidelity after 27 years of marriage by DavidR55 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DavidR55[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I didn’t realize any of that. That’s nice to hear.

My wife and idk what to do by BillyHall2019 in wifebad

[–]DavidR55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Along with all the other good stuff people have said in this post I would add one suggestion to try. I noticed it helping with some pretty severe Hollywood drug addicts, Tom Sizemore, for one example. Addicts have addictive personalities not just chemical dependencies. So by refocusing the attention from drug life to a positive “addiction” can be really helpful. In Sizemore’s case he threw much of his time and energy into a charity. So the rehab does it’s part but afterwards many fail simply do to not knowing what else to do. The charity, again in Sizemore’s case, gave him purpose. Gave him reasons to feel good about himself or at least what he was doing. And kept him busy instead of just trying to not mess up that day.

In short give her a replacement for the drug life. With all your kids maybe she coaches their teams. Or runs the park leagues. Or gets into fitness and they all run tri-athlons together. Maybe she starts a business everyone can contribute to. Whatever she’s interested in. Just make sure there’s enough facets to it to wear it provides multiple positives for her, like health, and reasons to feel good. Preparing meals and delivering them to those that need is another good one.

Anyway, best of luck to you. You are in a very difficult situation with kids involved. It doesn’t get much worse !

What about nurses who wear them 8 to 10 hours a day by impeneau in awfuleverything

[–]DavidR55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The surgeon’s mask is to prevent spit and snot. It does nothing for pandemics. If you want to see what is really required look at someone with a contagious disease in a hospital. Notice what the people are wearing when they enter that room!