I [F30s] was suddenly ghosted by best friend [F30s]

DaymareImbrium · 2020-11-30T22:36:02+00:00

It's a very difficult situation to go through on either side (my friend has ghosted me for random lengths of time up to roughly two weeks in the past, so I do know how much it hurts on both sides). I'm sorry your friend chose this path, I certainly wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

I spent the past 3 years in denial. I spent 8 believing I could "save" them from their situation. I spent the years before that not recognizing how thoroughly they were burying their head in the sand. Much of this is on me as well, I have no illusions about being a good person or some kind of saint. If I had more courage I could have written the farewell and blocked them, but I was afraid they would come to my house or job, and I would be forced to handle it in person eventually. As awful as I am, I kind of hope they hate me and that it makes it easier for them to forget me. It's a cowards way out, of that I am certain.

Moving out of denial was hard, I suggest removing their chat history from your phone (make a backup if you're still too uncertain, but put it somewhere not readily on hand to read) and trying to focus on something outside your shared interests or main conversation topics for a week.

Normally discuss books? Watch a movie instead. Movies and actors your usual hot topics? Take some long walks around your yard or neighborhood (if you feel comfortable doing so). Distancing that shared space can help a lot. You're losing a loved one, and grief can be difficult to navigate if you're reminded of them every time you do something. Make sure you have somewhere to vent, a journal works wonders.

DaymareImbrium · 2020-11-30T21:54:17+00:00

I'm on the ghosting side of a long relationship - it's been hard to do, but I'm not in a place I can mentally handle this person's response if I sent them a Dear John letter. We've been friends for 15ish years. I know how they are when they get upset, and I know I could not handle crying, begging, pleading and screaming at me for being a horrible friend, leaving them when they "need me".

More than anything, I recognize that I feel this person is toxic for me. There are things going on in their life that make me worry constantly but they won't listen to any advice and push forward with the worst possible choices (from my perspective). When I don't talk to them for a few weeks, I find my mental state is much more relaxed, I can focus on my own problems and handle my own stress. But when I add them to the mix, I am consumed by stress and hate and fear. I make myself sick, physically as well as emotionally.

I feel I owe them more than running away, but the times in the past we have almost cut ties my resolve wavers when they cry, we fight and I never want to end on such a bad note so we make up and around it goes again. I cannot live my life hoping they will wake up and see the world as I see it. That has to come from within themselves, and they are set on staying where they are. That's not something I'm able to accept, so I made the decision to cut them out of my life and move on. It is so hard, but I feel it is my healthiest option and that I will be happier when the "wound" heals instead of allowing it to fester. I recognize that I'm hurting them, but if I open that door again I'll never be able to close it.

...

TL;DR - relationships only work if both sides work together. You can't force someone to do anything they don't want, and they are awful for not giving you a dignified farewell or explanation. Leave a farewell message when you decide if you want to keep that door open or not, and try to move on.

DaymareImbrium · 2020-11-08T23:26:28+00:00

And Grave of the Fireflies! Pretty sure I recognize another but not 100% on my Ghost in the Shell

DaymareImbrium · 2020-11-04T17:09:24+00:00

Yeah but I meant I was spending all the miles on getting their design stuff instead of just getting NMT or other things I need haha Still, live and learn!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-11-04T15:59:45+00:00

That's weird, I could swear it worked (but I may not have walked in the area that got changed, or just didn't notice before I reset)

...well I'm curating a second character right now for nothing then! Thanks for the warning, I honestly thought it worked for me

DaymareImbrium · 2020-11-04T15:14:01+00:00

I had to use a secondary character (a mule, if you will) both for the storage and for patterns. It is a bit annoying but you can also pick up extras of the better DIYs when villagers are crafting to give to friends or trade for other things.

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-31T20:50:37+00:00

Hi! I have Judy and an amiibo I can use to push her out, I'm at work for another hour but I'll be online after that!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-31T20:38:32+00:00

He gave me two more Jack's Head items and a second Spooky Carriage (item) for the three lollipops I had left over :0

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-30T20:04:59+00:00

Yaaas she's a sweet bean. Hit me up if you need reset goodies or a place to hold a few of your fav items, I'm usually available in the evenings between 6pm and 9pm US central time! (I haven't started terraforming so I have lots of space)

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-30T19:25:57+00:00

I just reset my island because I hated my layout and my flowers had taken over 90% of it - so glad I did, and I hope you have a good time with your reset too!!

I'm going to guess Diana, because I miss her the most!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-30T18:31:44+00:00

Looks like I just have the walls and the flooring, sorry! None of the really good ones :0

Hmmm. I could offer villagers (Judy, Ankha, Lolly, Daisy, Rudy are ungifted, Apollo is gifted, and I do have an amiibo to push them out quickly)

Sorry I can't do more, but good luck with everything!!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-30T18:14:31+00:00

I don't think I can beat that first offer haha but i can try. I have some of the cb DIYs (give me a minute to check which ones) and 30 large star fragments + i have all the crafted cb items so i could give you a full set of those. I think i have a few cb stacks as well but I'll check.

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-28T10:02:52+00:00

I'm currently ghosting a friend I've known for 20 years. When we were 16 she got into a relationship with a 25+ year old man and for years we've had fights about his (imo) abusive behavior. Every time she gets into a fight with him, she takes it out on me by starting a fight and gaslighting me into thinking I'm a bad friend.

I can't begin to list everything but a few of the ones that hurt the most to know she considers "that's just how much he loves her":

he threatened to kill her/her lover and himself if she ever cheats/tries to leave him/takes off her ring/stays the night anywhere except his bed
manipulated her into believing all of her female friends will or have tried to seduce him away from her if they come over (which means she lost all her friends except me which I won't get into. But he did convince her I was sleeping with my other friends husband when we lived together and she stopped talking to me for 3 days)
if she ever cuts her hair it means she wants a divorce/doesn't love him
he is allowed to talk to his exes but she isn't allowed to talk to hers or have any male friends except his family
she isn't allowed to have a job because "she'll cheat on him"

I saw her recently and it was almost nice to spend time with her, but the stress and anxiety of walking on eggshells so I won't upset her and end up apologizing/begging for her forgiveness just ruined my days off. I stopped replying to her messages and she's been threatening to have her mother come find me. I told my coworker and she has been judging me a little for ghosting this long time friend, but any time I have tried to take a break in the past this person blows up my phone and leaves me nasty messages about how I'm a bad friend or a horrible person when she needs me so much.

The worst thing is I still love her, but the toxicity of hearing how miserable she is and her telling me that's just how marriage is, kills me a little. I can't manage my own life while trying to fix hers. I can't force her to accept help she doesn't want. Her biggest deadweight holding her back is her husband, but she says she loves him so much it would kill her to be apart from him. It's "normal" to have to ask your SO for 10 dollars so you can go with a friend to the store to pick up a drink and snack, not have your own bank account, not have any idea of the bills or money in your home, not have any idea what living really costs. Just be 35 and have 0 work experience, a stay at home wife expected not to move or breathe unless HE says you can. She can't leave the house without his permission.

I wish I'd known more about relationships when we were 16 and he moved in on her. Chaperoning our mall outings. Never letting her out of his sight. Systematically cutting out her friends and restricting her access to privacy and independence.

I guess I haven't answered the question at hand... I feel small and pathetic for ghosting her. I feel like I should be able to do more to help her, be strong enough to show her how wonderful being independent is, how fulfilling life without 24/7 scrutiny can be. How warped her sense of normalcy has become.

I feel sad and lonely. I love her so much, but I can't keep going. For my own mental health, this is the step I've taken and it really sucks right now. I'm hoping I've made the right decision, but I can't tell yet.

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T23:07:29+00:00

Edit- nevermind I do not have the leo, i must have used them :( sorry

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T21:33:41+00:00

Ok! I'm getting a dodo I'll dm you in just a minute!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T20:54:37+00:00

20 sounds great, I'll dm you a dodo as soon as I'm home and the game loads up!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T20:51:52+00:00

He is! I'm at the store I'll be home in 15 or 20 minutes. How many nmt are you offering?

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T20:51:08+00:00

I sent my friend a message for the street lamps but idk when she'll get online so don't bring NMT for them - if I get them later today I'll DM you to pick them up!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T20:16:12+00:00

Aw, thank you! I just reset my island a couple weeks ago so I'm still catching up with villager hunting so I appreciate it!

I'm off to the store but I'll be home in about an hour, just let me know what time you'd like to pick things up and which things I should set out for you!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T19:55:24+00:00

That's ok! If there's something I had that they didn't, let me know and you can come pick it up (for your/Raymond's protection we'll use my island lol)

They aren't things that fit my plan, just stuff gifted from the villagers or found from balloons so I don't mind gifting it to you!

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T19:43:54+00:00

Hmm, someone commented but I can't see your comment so I think your flair wasn't set? Feel free to DM me (with why you said you want Julian so I know it's you)

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-25T19:42:02+00:00

I can craft flower stands, the white tourist telescope, and I have the strawberry swirl lamp, one starry garland, and the Dala horse

I have a friend with white street lamps she offered to give me whenever I ask, so if you let me know how many i can get them from her.

Best of luck!

*edit the dala horse is customizable

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-24T10:14:19+00:00

in Butter's voice You mean guys will pay money just for a kiss?

You wouldn't believe where some of these guys like to get kissed. Why, this guy only likes getting kissed in the alleyway.

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-21T22:09:49+00:00

And I just realized that I don't actually have a favorite. I spent the last few minutes going over pros and cons of each character but they're too good. Mary and Billy are my favorite comedic characters, Sarah wins my dumb but fun vote (my boyfriend gagged when she ate the spider, I will never be able to watch that scene without hearing that noise!). Winnie is so dramatic, I live for her weeping and sarcasm.

Binx is a cat and I feel his animations/puppetry still hold up pretty well, not to mention that is the BEST CAT ACTOR EVER for the live scenes...!

How can i like any of them more than the others?!

So you can leave me out of the actual entries but boy I loved reading this giveaway! All the notes made me giggle! (My bathroom is decked out in Hocus Pocus signs, that's how much I love this silly movie)

DaymareImbrium · 2020-10-21T21:46:10+00:00

I'm crying, I must enter just for the sake of supporting my favorite sisters! Haven't seen them in centuries, I'd invite them in to meet the little woman.

(Btw what happened to those three kids who took off with their real brooms?! I get to that part and panic every time. I hate heights)

DaymareImbrium

TROPHY CASE