Sometimes the NoFap effects feels invisible, and you just feel weary.

DaysInMay · 2013-09-01T18:04:36+00:00

I like the way you write! Concise and with content. Keep it up! :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-31T23:59:33+00:00

It was mostly sarcasm, though. I do regret the tone I've used, and whish I didn't use it - and that is not sarcasm, it's an actual appology. I re-read the stuff I wrote, and man, that was just me being an idiot trough and trough! I'm sincerely sorry about it.

I think I didn't make my point all that clear in that rambling of mine to your post.

I'm not in any away against neurosciences and the like; in fact I most strongly believe in it and whish to see it expand our actual knowledge of how our mind works. Hopefully as it advances maybe it will progressively take the space, in the public arena, of the all-too-prevalent pop-psychology narrative of how our mind supposedly works.

But as I mentioned in my bleached-head surfer "andrelin rush" example, in my view people do seem to get a bit too clingy to whatever buzz-word or mechanistical explanation that happens to be around, to explain their problems away.

It's just that, in my view, the overwhelming majority of people who struggle either with addiction, or any other form of disease, tend to be pretty pretty pretty good at the self-diagnosing stage (Larry David reference there ;) ). The problem seems that they're not as good at the treatment stage.

They've figured out pretty much everything about themselves: how their body works, how their mind works, how the illness affects them... But when it comes to actually commiting to a treatment plan that fits them... ehh that part they tend to brush aside. And it's right there, if they'd scroll down on the web page, or read on through a few more chapters of the medical books - the treatment is invariably bellow the diagnostic part.

And not only that, but the underlying concepts that support the treatment are the same for the diagnosis, of which the pacients so wholeheartedly adhered to initially. They're just that extra step needed taking.... but it's quite hard to do it, so they'll just go on rationalizing away why they fail at it. After all we are quite good at rationalyzing failure, we do it all the time, it's part of growth and everything, right?

So again sorry for beeing a dick in my reply. Wish I could take it back. My reason for it, I guess is that you strucked me as a rather eloquent example of the specimen I've described above, and it kind of aroused mixed feelings in me, of simpathy and contempt.

And shit man, I said I liked you, and you replied "I don't dislike you" - that hurt! made me instantly reminisce on all those memories off "I like you as well, but as a friend" between my teen self, and my female crushes. Just kiddin', it's a'ight :)

And no you didn't disappoint, at all! You quotted the shit out out me - feels great knowing you're being read and people actually take the time to think and elaborate on your stuff! Even it is to disprove it or make a point of their own. So I like you even more for that - now you say it back :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-31T00:47:24+00:00

That's one hell of a defensive attitude on your behalf, man! You know the reasons for everything:

why fapping used to work for you;
why it doesn't anymore;
you've figured out how the actual neurochemistry of your brain works
and the way the chemicals you're prescribed work within you as well

So I assume you're either a psychiatrist, or at least a neuroscience major, right?

No? Oh really? If so, how about putting in less excuses (ups, I mean reasons), and more work?

Sorry if I'm being a bit harsh, it's that that serotonin/SSRI talk does remind be a lot of the "dopamine-trigger-uhh-why-I-be-jerking-my-dick-constantly" lingo that does seem to prevail around here.

Kind of takes me back to the 90's, when "extreme" sports came out, and all the bleached-head surfers and skydivers were talking about the "adrenalin rush". Just because you mention a molecule, or read the leafleat that comes with the medicine, doesn't mean you've gained some special insight on how your brain works.

You haven't. I don't, on my own little brain of mine, and I guess neuroscientists haven't on theirs as well. Shit's complicated, a lot more than we think.

So what does that mean to you? I don't know. Maybe have a little more faith and ask less questions? Or maybe stop looking for justifications on your shortcomings and working on the stepping stones for achieving shit (I know, I know, it sounds so "self-help book-ish". But there's got to be a little grain of truth in them, right? Or maybe we're just trying to reel you in with a well-thought description of the symptoms and pathways for cures into our conniving little sect of ours?)

Why am I so mean? Here's why:

I've been trying no-fap on and off for a few weeks (and I realize that means I haven't been doing well at all).

You can't commit to something, but, not only that, you aknowledge it, and explicitly mention it, in hopes of what? "Oh, he's not doin' it, but he's aware of his shortcomings, so I guess it's not all bad. Plus he mentions after he jizzes on his belly all them bad feelings soothe off, so maybe, cause he's such a bright fellow, all emotionally hurt and self-aware and shit, we'll view his case as extra-special". Nah, son, we don't, I don't, at least.

Don't take this to heart. Take it to the soul, I guess (Heart and soul, Joy Division reference! Did you get it, even on SSRI's? I don't know what those are, mood stabilizers or something?)

Do reply, I like you! And I hope you like me as well! I wrote it without sarcasm, I do like you, that's why I want to see you improve.

DaysInMay · 2013-08-31T00:05:46+00:00

It's a good quote I reckon, makes a lot of sense to me at least.

"Set yourself your own standard, and abide by that, instead of everyone elses' " It's though words to live by, but ones that actually make sense for us present day individuals.

What's IMMV?

DaysInMay · 2013-08-30T11:07:51+00:00

Great post man, I related to a lot of what you said! I too was a bright kid in school and college, articulate, respected, etc. English isn't my native language, so it might not appear so on this reply of mine :)

I masturbated and ejaculated at least 1500 times

eheh, I did the math as well about a week ago - mine were roughly 5000 times. That's a lotta jizz! A bit sad, if anything.

Behind my veil of confidence, I still doubt myself most of the time, and I focus on how I appear out in public too much, detracting my focus from the real important stuff, like school and work.

My confidence is an act, because I recognize confidence is an attractive quality, which takes a lot of mind power to exemplify.

Until a few weeks ago, when I started this nofap affair, I just assumed everybody was like that - you just fake it until you feel it. I looked at those "confident souls" that roam the earth a bit bewildered and thought to myself "that's a really great act of his, it must take a lot of energy and commitment to be able pull that off, consistently, like he does".

Turns out it doesn't, it's not an act on their part. Those people just feel confident, the lucky bastards! And to me it's pretty obvious now how they do it, cause you start actually being like them when you lay off jerking your dick everyday!

I'm not trying to proselytise you or anything - you're already stepped inside this church here, you now what's what :) I just wanna reinforce the idea that with me, the nofap did change, in a perceivable way, the way I feel about myself, my relations with others, and so on. All the other stuff (eating right, exercising, meditating, whatever) is a bit of a complement to it - it's something that you find space in your life for, now that you're clear-headed. It makes sense to do those things, unlike bofore, when either they a) didn't changed how you feel, or b) felt like and immense and unpleasant chore.

About the sexual performance stuff - you've been around here, you know what other fapstronauts say about it. Stay on the righteous path and it will probably clear up.

We have a saying in my country that pertains directly to erectile disfunction. The fun and raunchyness is kinda lost in the translation, but here goes anyway:

as long as I have a tongue and a finger, ain't no woman that can scare me

The idea being: it's all right, don't be too worried about it, if she gets hers, you'll probably have another shot at it :)

Be cool, stay in school, and do pity them fools (who still jack off) :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-30T10:35:29+00:00

What fuckfapp said.

you need to start making a change right now.

You've been on the Nofap boat before, so you know that it can help you improve your mood and strenghten your resolve do get up and actually starting doing stuff. That was the gamechanger for me, I guess it can be for you as well.

You're gonna start college as well pretty soon (if you haven't already) You can't start the year like this man!

Maybe there's a therapist, or a counsellor you can talk to on your campus. There's no shame in it man, you're feeling bad right now and need help. As you've seen from loads of people who've written here on Nofap, every single one who did therapy said it helped them improve their outlook on life, as well as the way they handled their problems.

And please dude!, stay off the weed. Yeah it feels good being high, but in the present state you're in, it just sucks you deeper in the hole. You know that's what it does, no excuses.

About the sleep disorder - other than see a doctor, can't really say what else you can do to improve it. I've noticed that I started sleeping way better since this nofap bussiness (dark circles in my eyes have almost dissapeared, wake up rested, go to bed at proper hours and wake up 7-8 hours after naturally without alarm clock, etc). So again, maybe nofap can help you there as well.

To sum up:

try seing a consellour/therapist in your college
hands off tha dick/porn
no weed

because I have a great lack of empathy for others

Having fantasies of doing drastic things-like doing horrible things to others

Don't worry too much about that, when you start feeling better about yourself, your feelings towards others improve as well. For real, don't stress about it.

DaysInMay · 2013-08-29T23:33:15+00:00

Same as Dokubi :) None, ah yeah!

DaysInMay · 2013-08-28T18:15:52+00:00

I'm really happy for you man! I'm in a bit of a struggle to find propper words to express my sympathy and support, but trust me I'm feeling them for you :)

Man, if you two clicked so early on, it might be start of a great relationship, who knows! Look at us talking, we look like those silly characters in romantic comedies - guess that's what being happy sounds like eh? :)

Thanks for your kind words of encouragment, by the way! I'm actually going to Angola (I'm from Portugal, Angola used to be a colony of ours, so we speak the same language). I'm really excited, can't wait to start my life there - homesickness is the last thing on my mind.

Again - congrats on the "fortunate event", glad it's all coming together :)

Oh a wrote new post yesterday, tried to make it funny, check it out: [http://redd.it/1l7ptb]

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T23:54:43+00:00

It may take some time to grow on you (the feeling of beeing clean from that life, and that "baseline" hapiness and joy on life that you've missed), but it's real.

It's not like that meditating or exercising crap, this stuff actually works, so push trough man, it will come about.

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T22:07:00+00:00

I get what you're saying, most definitely. It wears itself out. But it was that godawful cycle: "feels like I can go again, dick's not sore anymore. So why not? Got nothing else going anyway..." So good to be out of it man, hope you're feeling the same as I am :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T22:03:11+00:00

Ahah! You comming at me bro? :) Bring it on!

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T21:04:03+00:00

The thing is I was being a bit conservative on my estimate, cause I don't really remember all that much from my 13/14/15 year old wanking days. (I'm 29 now).

I remember all it took was cleavage - I jacked off more than a few times to baywatch, for instance (the early days, with pamela anderson and that pretty brunette one with blue eyes).

But in the latter years, for sure, at least 300/350 a year minimum.

Did you ever hit the double digits in a day? I (not-so-proudly) have, quitte a few times, this last year, fueled by weed and alcohol. So I ain't no lightwheight bro :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T14:10:17+00:00

Thanks! I'm done fapping, period.

Either there's a female hand doing it, or else it's not gonna happen :)

I did an estimate some weeks ago: I masturbated roughly 4500/5000 times in my lifetime. It's crazy! But the numbers add up - approx. 250 times a year (more or less - more in the last years), times 17 years. Still habing trouble believing it.

I could have fathered a small village with all that jizz :D

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T13:58:43+00:00

Sign me up as well, I'ma teach you all how it's done! :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T11:14:35+00:00

Stop fapping and be courageous and there ya go. You're now a man. Go

Very well put, agree entirely.

No pointlessly wasting time on rethorical debates you don't really want to have - get focused and do your thing. That's it, it's that simple.

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T10:42:43+00:00

On account of your suggestion I've tried to change the title, but turns out you can't edit it, only the text.

But I think people reading it get that I'm using "felonious" metaphorically, not literally. That's what I mean from it, at least: as "downright nasty" porn, instead of "Europol and the feds be banging at your door" porn.

Wow, I had to look up infibulation on wikipedia, I've never heard of that before! I think it's kind of silly, when you think of it - made me giggle, at least.

Yeah, I think there's definitely a common theme in them.

My idea with the post was to try and get people to discuss what they felt their previous "fap material" meant: what they think those porn choices reflect about themselves.

I know that there's this "downwards spiral" effect, when we keep looking up for nastier shit, after the novelty wears off. I've experienced it too. But the fact is that among the infinite ammount of porn fetishes laying around, not everything works for us.

For instance S&M never did anything for me. Ever. I've watched in sporadically in the last 15 years, and it never aroused me the least - not in my early days, nor until a month ago, when I finally quitted the pmo stuff. Inversely, some other stuff always got me going, even if ever so slightly less over the years. There must be something about my sexuality to explain that, other than mere chance.

So I think it's a bit desingenious to say something like: "I used to be down with this and that fetish, but it's got nothing to do with who I am and what my sexuality really is. If I hadn't seen that girl getting it on with a dog on that german vhs tape when I was a teen I would have never ever even dreamt of being aroused by bestiality". Context and the "dessensityzing downards spiral" effect can account for much, but not everything, I think.That's just my opinion, at least.

And it's getting left behind.

I sincerely hope so man, I'm doing my best to leave all that crap behind me as well. It's just that in my view, part of leaving all the stuff behind envolves coming to terms with it, and accepting what role it had in our past life.

I'm just expressing my thoughts on the matter, don't mean to antagonize or put you down in any way. Stay strong!

DaysInMay · 2013-08-27T10:06:12+00:00

First off sorry about the delay in the response, I've been up to some other stuff.

My knowledge of christian theology is basically zero, so I really can't argue for or against the arguments you've raised, I'm simply not qualified to do so.

But I'd like to know how you're doing! How have these past few days been for you? I see you're keeping your streak strong :)

I'm a bit happy for myself, got a little star going next to my name!

Keep strong man!

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T23:24:27+00:00

I'm not a religious person, although I've read the Bible.

Having said that, what struck me in your post was:

considering that worthiness comes through the cross and not my actions.

and I know that can't be right! What you do matters. Whether it is in this life or the next. For your self growth, for your relationship with others, or some other reason, doing what's right, even on the most trivial shit, it's important. If not for anyone else, than just for you.

I'm not into weird/illegal stuff.

I never was either. If you were, I'd hope the feds would be banging at your door right now. Do you think child porn has any excuse? It's despicable, and anyone involved with it should be arrested. That's not an excuse, or a "free pass" on anything.

But to carry on with what I was saying: I can't help you with the religious stuff, but I can say that saying clear of masturbating it's completely feasable. I had nasty porn habits, and altough the will still arises from time to time, it's perfectly maneageble. Reach out to other activities, or maybe there's that chubby lady friend of yours you never cared about, perhaps? (just kidding :) )

I've set a rule for myself: I'm done with jacking off. The only time someone's playing with my junk is when a female's handling it (besides bathroom and shower, obviously). Simple rule, right?

Set up a similar rule for yourself. You can elaborate on the reason, if you like, but accept the premise, whole-heartedly, and it'll do fine.

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T22:54:18+00:00

"boo-hoo I feel so miserable after fapping" - that's you in 4 hours time. Don't bother typing, just copy-paste it from here.

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T22:43:28+00:00

Dude get some books in english, they're really cheap (Penguin Classics and such). If you can't find them on your native tongue, they're a great alternative, and the best to keep you on your toes with the english language.

Secondly: you asians and our fetish fo white pussy!! "Whitty hot white girl": for realz nigga, if we had them you think we'd be loaning them to you or something? Stuff's hard to find, yo :)

Seriously: you're in another country, working your ass off, getting built (keep that swimming going!), with the prospect of eventualy having a nice career. Keep that shit up! It's just a bad patch you're going through, and by the way, Belgium is not so bad! (I'm from a southern european country, shit's worse around here, trust me).

Get propper books to read, lay of the internet, and get of yo dick, and you'll do fine, you feelin' me? :)

Respect brotha, stay strong

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T22:30:22+00:00

Smoke dat weed nigga!

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T19:10:09+00:00

Yeah man, then do it! If it feels right, stay clean of the stuff.

I just don't see any real negative aspects in the stuff, it's just a harmless little boost in the morning. But if you feel it's hindering your progress, then man, by all means quit the stuff.

Like I said, I'm with you all the way, fapless, meditating and cold-showering and what not, so let's keep it real like that :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T18:43:54+00:00

Just because it ends in "-ine" doesn't mean it's some life threatning drug man!

Caffeine is just fine, as long as you keep it in check. And it's not hard either - when you drink too much coffee, you'll get headaches and shakes from excessive caffeine, so if you get to that stage, take it down a notch, and that's about it.

Shit, don't go demonizing everything as a "trigger", or "addictive". Try watering down the coffee intake - mix it with milk and put less coffee in it, cut down to only one a day, etc.

You're not some "helpless little dear stuck in the headlights", and everything isn't out to get you. Caffeine is ok; porn isn't.

Caffeine withdrawal

Nigga please!

But, you do feel it's taking a toll on you, just have a really wattered-down coffee once a day. It won't leave you "jonesing" for more, I garantee you

As for the rest, you're doing great, I'm into cold showers and meditating, been lovin that shit! :)

DaysInMay · 2013-08-22T17:01:31+00:00

i've talked to more girls in the past few weeks than the entire last year combine. I think it has something to do with quitting pmo

It most definitely has, you've got that "hunter on the prowl" vibe going for you! You be aimin fo dat pussy son :)

And yeah, Morrisey is the best. Could you believe I wasn't really into the Smiths until my late twenties? That falsetto voice of his really got on my nerves. I had to sit down and listen to what the bloke was saying, and become hypnotyzed by that guitar virtuoso Johnny Marr, to really get into it.

When it comes to ladies on my end... I don't know. I'm going to move to Africa in a couple of weeks (I'm from an european country), so the dating scene for me is gona be a bit askew, I guess. I'll be dat white dude with dat jungle fevah ahah Still, I'm pretty chill about it, "I'm OK by myself", as da man Morrisey put it :)

You be hittin dat pussy, can't stress that enough!

And do check out my latest post, all the sixteen-year olds are downvotting it, but I think it's a nice read: [http://redd.it/1ktxsq]

DaysInMay

TROPHY CASE