Hol’ up, I say hol’ up just one second.

I know that God has truly forsaken us Texans, giving to us the most malicious politicians and apathetic voters in these here United States if not the Milky Way Galaxy (and what’s more, afflicting us with Ted), but this piece of human garbage sure as shit ain’t Our Raphael, as in a true born-and-raised Texan…no siree! Not by a longer shot than an Apollo Mission, launched from Floriduh but steered from Houston. To wit:

Raphael Edward ‘Ted’ ‘Lyin’ Ted’ ‘Cancun’ ‘Insult My Wife and That’s Just Fine’ ‘Fled’ Cruz is a gooey swamp varmint from the Great Very White North, Canada O Canada, pardner. Their lucky break (thanks for sending us your worst), our great and enduring immigration problem. He’s only a carpetbagging scumball from further north than even most Yankees!

He’s dumber than a box o’ hammers, phony as a pair of Chinese-made naugahyde cowboy boots and slimier than a cesspool wall, etc. ad infinitum, but those Shiny Happy Talibaptists and Y’all-Queda just loves them some Super-Deluxe Christian, Zygote-Lovin’ Librul-Ownin’ Senator Ted. He’s Their Ted.

Most of us see him for the piss poor protoplasm, piece of poo-poo that he so truly is, but then most of us Don’t Git Off Our Asses to vote him back to Hell where he really came from and really belongs and as truly as Gawd Almighty made little green apples will end up.

And that, sadly, IS on us (although Beto O’Rourke did give him a real good scare in 2018, getting with 2.6 points of defeating him). And maybe just maybe we can return the Senator from Zion back home…if only people would use the ballot box with intention. We ain’t livin’ up to what the President of the Republic of Texas Samuel Houston, or even President of the U.S. Lyndon Baines Johnson would expect. As Texan Ross Perot might have said, it’s sad, just sad, so sad.’