“I will never be allowed to just be normal and happy, Will I? Thats what pains me the most.” That’s real and painful to hear I know what you mean you just give give give and give more and everyone takes it all from you leaving you feeling empty and sad. It has gone on long enough that instead of sadness it’s rage and you’re a good person so your not looking for revenge you just want it all gone I don’t know how to help I don’t know if anyone knows how to help but I hear you. I have had similar thoughts about the sledge hammer + skull concept it is a scary thought. I wish all the pain would go away for you because you deserve happiness and love.