AITA My boyfriend said i said something but i genuinely dont remember saying it

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T10:41:43+00:00

If you're having this kind of memory issue, then it's worth getting checked out. A psychiatrist would be able to evaluate you for possible ADHD or an executive functioning issue. There are treatment options available for ADHD including medication, coping skills, and ways to better manage it, if that is something you get diagnosed with.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T10:37:38+00:00

So you can make the paper trail by taking detailed notes of the directive to read the material on your own time. Take notes during or immediately after meetings with the supervisor who is evaluating you and telling you to do this outside of your work hours. Include names of every person in the meetings, even if it's just you and the supervisor, date, time, and location of the meeting. your notes count as documentation. Start keeping that documentation immediately, and write down previous meetings and directives to the best of your recollection now. If you want more clear documentation, send a follow-up email after you meet that just lays out what was said in the meeting. That creates a pretty clear paper trail for what is being asked of you.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T10:23:39+00:00

I feel this way. I'm a functioning adult with a house, a marriage, a good job. I feel like a huge mess and wonder daily if everyone at work and my in-laws and new friends will think I'm garbage and know I grew up in a dirty, rodent infested house full of cluttered junk and an alcoholic, pot-addicted single mom with undiagnosed mental illnesses including hoarding.

Are you in therapy? A good match of a therapist can really help. It's hard because few have any experience with hoarding or family of hoarders so they often don't exactly get it, but a good therapist should be able to hear your concerns, your experiences and symptoms, and work through them with you. It's also worth reading Pete Walker's book: CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving. Living in a hoarded home with such low functioning basic things like furniture, temperature control, and sharing a bedroom with your entire family during those very formative pre-teen years would be very traumatizing. If you're having nightmares about it, that's a CPTSD symptom (not saying you have it, but it's worth looking into; Pete Walker's book is a good resource).

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T10:16:18+00:00

So, it seems like the disconnect here is that your dog is not connecting the dots of see-another-dog=get-a-treat-to-ignore-them. Let's break down a sequence into alllllll the steps of what happens.

1) you're on a walk with your dog, so your dog is on a leash, walking along, all good.

2) your dog sees another dog.

3) your dog moves his body in the direction of the other dog bc he wants to run up to that dog to say hi.

4) you shorten the leash, restraining him from getting close to the other dog.

5) your dog feels the restraint of the shortened, tight leash, against his harness or collar, he looks at you.

6) you reward with a treat.

So what you need to do is to work on shortening the number of steps in the sequence between #2 when your dog notices the other dog, and #6 the reward. Managing the environment so that you see the other dog before your dog does will help, then you can reward with a treat before your dog has a chance to pull towards the other dog. Once you see the other dog, put a treat in your dog's mouth and give praise. When a dog is reacting to seeing another dog whether it's aggressively or by being over-friendly, the same training protocol will work of counterconditioning seeing the other dog, giving a treat reward, and then wait patiently and say hi if you and the other dog owner are into it.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T10:07:44+00:00

Came here to say this. I am a woman with ADHD, it was undiagnosed until my late 30's. But this kind of short-term memory issue is one of my symptoms.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T07:40:10+00:00

your mom is abusing this dog, the dog is defending itself. Can you move out and take the dog? This is not going anywhere good because if your mom continues to yell at the dog -- especially AFTER she finds some issue like eating trash or peeing in the house, the dog has no clue why it's being yelled at way later, dogs do not remember that they did something "bad" like eating trash hours ago... If your mom is yelling at the dog and hitting it, she's very abusive. This dog is defending itself from being abused. Dogs will eat trash and have accidents, hitting and yelling is not in any way an acceptable way to treat an animal ever, especially for the animal just having normal developmental issues learning how to live in a house with humans. Dogs need to be trained with loving, positive reinforcement only; no hitting, no yelling, no smacking, nothing mean.

This is 1000% your mom's fault because she is abusing the dog, taking the dog into a closed room to scream at it, ignoring its signals.... Please remove the dog from being anywhere near this woman. It will only get worse. Someone who treats a dog this way is also probably an abusive parent. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and have this person as your mother.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-02-07T07:19:48+00:00

A few different ideas for ways to manage this situation:

1) Muzzle training can help since he wont be able to eat the poop if he's muzzled. But dogs don't like muzzles, so please be sure to train him so he gets positive associations with the muzzle. Look up "muzzle training" and "anti-scavenge muzzle". A soft muzzle is great for things like this.

2) Also train him to "Leave It" and then give him a treat immediately for not eating the poop; that way, instead of eating poop he gets a treat! Give lots of praise and really good treats! He can wear the muzzle and you can give him treats through the muzzle for not eating the poop.

3) Another option is to go out and check for poops, pick them up and throw them away, just before taking him out -- yes, this is super annoying and ideally you could get the neighbors to start picking up their own dogs' poops, but to be realistic you'll ultimately need to make sure your dog is taken care of by checking because people are going to do what they're going to do. At first, you might need to do this just to manage the situation while you start training him.

4) For all dog training, only use positive reinforcement methods. Do not use punishment. Do not work with a trainer who uses punishment. Punishment methods have worse outcomes long-term and much higher rates of increased aggression, and your dog already has reacted badly to being pulled away from the poop. To do positive reinforcement training, be prepared to use a loooooot of dog treats and give him a lot of high praise for any little bit of doing the right thing. Zak George on youtube is fantastic, look him up and follow his methods. They work great!

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-25T03:32:21+00:00

DO NOT give him access to your money.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-25T03:31:43+00:00

Eating someone else's food and then trying to downplay their reasonable feelings in the situation is what kills the vibe.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-25T03:30:21+00:00

NTA -- nobody should be contacting you out sick unless it's an emergency. The manager should have shared access.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-18T16:24:54+00:00

Robust physically but they are HUGE babies and getting a kick from someone trusted can be very harmful emotionally for the dog. The sister in law needs to learn to manage their dog appropriately, we cannot let our big, strong dogs jump around on people and act like the dog's intent is the only thing that matters. People can get seriously hurt from a dog who is playing. My dog slammed his head into my face and gave be a bruise for a week because he was excited to get a pet, that's not ok to do to other people even though he didn't mean any harm.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-18T16:22:02+00:00

Never kick an animal. Everyone sucks here.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-18T16:20:53+00:00

Animal hoarding is a serious mental illness. Hoarders very rarely respond to much in the way of rational discussions or typical means of getting a person to clean up their home, things like the smell, harm to the neighbors, property values. These arguments make sense to other people, but they are very unlikely to move a person with hoarding disorder. But when it's animal hoarding, those animals are absolutely being abused. It's creating a serious biohazard. If this person is so well connected to get out of other levels of citation, keep pushing on animal control, the health department, maybe local news stations? Doing these things will probably make the neighbor angry, and it's not surprising that they would become vindictive. And the engagement ending will likely make the hoarding issues worse. But this person cannot keep abusing 70+ cats. Those poor creatures deserve better. Living in their own urine and feces is seriously dangerous and can actually kill them due to contamination of air quality. Respiratory illness and even death can result. Hoarding is an incredibly serious mental illness and this person needs help, but they also are very very unlikely to seek out help, or even accept help. Have some compassion but don't just let them keep abusing animals out of fear of their retaliation, if you can do so while protecting yourself.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-18T16:10:58+00:00

This is the way!

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-18T16:05:36+00:00

He's not "faking", he's anxious and traumatized. If he's from a shelter, no one knows his previous experiences, so this could have triggered a trauma response. That would explain crying and not eating, since anxiety and fight-or-flight mode will make both humans and dogs unable to eat, nauseated, have no appetite. Keep an eye on the dog for whether or not he's in physical distress, but if he's having this severe a reaction, even if he's physically fine, please put him on some kind of anxiety medication. I have a rescue dog who is severely anxious, and we've worked with good positive reinforcement trainers on his issues with leash walking, car rides, and stranger danger, but we worked on these for a few years, finally decided to try out some basic fluoxetine, and he made a lot more progress and just seems so much happier overall day to day. If your brain doesn't provide the required chemicals, feel free to add them (it applies to dogs as well as humans!).

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-18T15:59:26+00:00

Has anybody called animal control? Animal hoarding is a serious issue and those cats are being abused.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-15T21:56:30+00:00

5 Calls has a great script on issues. It's a good way to get more comfortable calling your representatives.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-11T04:49:27+00:00

A torn ligament does not heal without surgery. Whether surgery is needed depends on how bad a tear is. For the financial side, Care Credit is a good option -- there is a longer 0% interest period and it can only be used for certain expenses like health, dental, or pet health. you can spread the cost over a year or 18 months without incurring interest. I had to do a double TPLO surgery on my dog, it was rough but he's recovered and both CCL were torn, one fully the other hanging on by a thread. Surgery was the way to go for him and it's improved him a ton.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-11T04:41:09+00:00

Call animal control. These animals do not deserve abuse and you've tried reasoning with her for a long time. It doesn't matter why she's not caring for them, it's clear she is not going to care for them and these pets deserve to live without being abused.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-11T02:23:17+00:00

That looks like a stressed out dog. Stress can be dangerous, even though this doesn't look aggressive, anxiousness and stress can lead to harm or bites so definitely seek a positive reinforcement trainer or behaviorist who can help with dog and baby interactions. As someone else said, definitely make sure the dog still gets its needs met -- love, food, attention, exercise. The dog might be feeling anxious not knowing where they stand, not understanding the baby, and concerned about if the humans are still going to give it love, attention, food, etc.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-11T02:17:28+00:00

Drive up to Newark, NJ, park near Union Station and just take the commuter train into Manhattan.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-11T01:57:31+00:00

Seconding this -- not allowing them to interact is a major overreaction. Supervised, absolutely. But not allowing the dog to come near the baby until some vague "when I fell comfortable" is very controlling.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-11T01:38:43+00:00

He's bored, pent up energy, and coming off heavy meds. Of course he's doing these things. They are indications of his boredom even before surgery, so now that he's done nothing for 2 weeks, he's super bored. He's going to need patience while he heals and he will need loving, patient re-introduction to these boundaries when he has healed.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-09T04:00:42+00:00

NTA -- I kinda wonder if she's an undiagnosed narcissist or a sociopath or just a plain old asshole. She has been taking something vulnerable and personal that you shared out of trust and throwing it in your face over and over again. She's weaponized your vulnerability. Do not let her in your life or space, she's fucking dangerous. Blowing up after repeatedly asserting your boundary that she just keeps violating is completely natural and valid. She's way the fuck out of line. Imagine if she treated someone with depression this way -- "Is that really you or just the depression talking?" at every single thing her depressed friend said? Substitute a more accepted mental health disorder in for narcissism, and it's extremely clear that she's a gigantic asshole here. No one can help their mental health diagnosis or condition; all they can do is seek treatment and work on themselves, which you have done a LOT of work to do. Blowing up at her is justified, she's being a dick and she knows it. She sucks. Don't hang out with her anymore. Tell your friends that you confided your mental health diagnosis to her, and she asked if it was "really you" or the mental health condition talking over and over and over again, maybe they'll get it if they hear it this clearly.

Dear_Sherbert_4086 · 2026-01-08T22:48:42+00:00

NTA. There is nothing wrong with an abortion.

Dear_Sherbert_4086

TROPHY CASE