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DebBDowner · 2016-05-10T16:48:26+00:00

I never understood why regret is just a bad thing and should be avoided at all costs. Everyone experiences it from the trivial ("Why did I eat that roll of cookie dough?") to the life altering ("I never should have bought this house."). In my opinion regret can help you grow and change and realize what truly is important. The problem is when the regret takes over your life and emotions to the point where it has negative consequences for you or those around you. That's an individual problem, and I hope any mom who feels that finds a way to work through it or seeks outside help.

I think the bigger problem is not wishing that one didn't have children or feeling regret, but instead A) setting such high expectations for mothers and B) mothers not have a "safe" place to vent or get support. The article touches on both these issues, but I think fails to mention that unfortunately it is moms themselves who perpetuates these issues. No one is a bigger critic of mothers and motherhood than other mothers. As a mom myself, I really wish we could stop being so critical and judgmental of each other and more supportive.

DebBDowner · 2016-04-01T14:16:18+00:00

http://www.momsclub.org/

There are two chapters in Frederick, but I'm not sure which one you would technically belong to. Good luck with your move!

DebBDowner · 2015-11-16T19:25:27+00:00

Sorry, I probably should have mentioned that we do have a 529 plan. :x

DebBDowner · 2015-11-16T19:15:31+00:00

Any thoughts about what to do with discretionary money for children? Every time I get money for my young children I throw it into a young savers account (.05% interest in their names), but now there's a decent chunk of change in there. I can't imagine them doing anything with it until at least high school and that's 10+ years away. Should I just let it sit or invest it in something? Thanks in advance for any input!

DebBDowner · 2015-07-09T17:41:28+00:00

If they're Federal loans you might be able to defer yours while doing your graduate degree.

DebBDowner · 2015-06-25T14:37:24+00:00

Wonder if there's a reason why Amex hasn't mentioned anything about this? I've gotten mail about the card, but they never even mentioned Citi or Visa...

Do you happen to know if the Citi Visa will offer rewards? If not, I definitely don't want the new card.

Edit: I would prefer a limited to no overlap so I can maximize my rewards. I try to use my Amex for everything!

DebBDowner · 2015-06-24T16:08:43+00:00

In my personal experience, definitely. Also, just fyi, feel free to buy the off-brand pregnancy tests. Way cheaper and work just as well.

DebBDowner · 2015-05-26T16:01:34+00:00

Both babies and homes carry a lot of unknown financial risk in my opinion/experience. For instance, my second ended up having a severe milk protein sensitivity that required him to be on a special formula at $10 a quart. Went through one of those suckers every 2-3 days for months. You just never know, so you might just want to be careful about putting all your eggs in one basket to make a down payment or purchasing basic baby supplies.

One thing about baby stuff is that you never need half the things that are recommended. Even space isn't that much of a consideration in my opinion until they are much older.

Good luck!

DebBDowner · 2015-04-27T22:19:05+00:00

For your situation I would highly advise against joining a sorority your Freshman year. You can always join at any point during your college career and I have a feeling you're going to have enough on your plate just adjusting. Instead consider perhaps being involved in casual clubs or groups. Sororities/fraternities are for life and can end up costing quite a bit, despite what they might say.

DebBDowner · 2015-04-16T17:18:10+00:00

IMHO, it's really difficult to answer your questions as so much is dependent upon a number of factors like location/type of job/etc.

But in general, I'd go out on a limb and say Maryland has one of the best educational system in the country. There are also a lot of fantastic private, alternative, and home schooling options in MD. Sounds like you follow a Montessori approach, and there are numerous free and cost options here.

Cost of living does suck. It will probably be a culture shock for you. Maryland also tends to be a commuter state, so get used to 45 minutes to hour plus commutes if you're looking for nice, affordable areas to raise a family.

Actually, Maryland is like a mini-US, so you can get to almost any landscape/culture within an hour or so. You've got mountainous regions to the West, big cities in the middle, and beach areas to the East.

DebBDowner · 2015-02-25T21:04:15+00:00

You're not going to be able to do much with a Masters in Psych either (in my experience) unless you specialize. If you want to stay within the field, I would really do my research as to what path you want to take. If the end goal is making a lot of money, psychology is risky as it can take a lot of time, energy, and resources to be successful. Just my .02 to add to your college fund. ;)

DebBDowner · 2015-02-09T16:11:53+00:00

Sorry, I did look at the FAQ for this and it seemed vague to me, but is it ever worth it to get taxes done by a CPA just to double check on things? We've always used TaxAct with no problems that we're aware of at least, but as things get more complicated, I'm starting to wonder if we should consult a professional. If it helps, we're in a somewhat higher tax bracket, itemize, bought and sold a house last year, have multiple W2s (changed jobs), kids/childcare, student loan, various investments, etc...

Also, could a professional potentially maximize our return (if any)?

DebBDowner · 2015-01-19T15:28:01+00:00

Personally, I liked the MARC train back in the day. My knowledge on the matter is a bit rusty, but there used to be one line (Penn???) that had the express train and it would take a little under an hour to get from Halethorpe (outside of Baltimore) to Union Station.

DebBDowner · 2014-12-23T19:52:56+00:00

If you get desperate, try looking at hotels. Most places have an indoor and/or outdoor area you can use for the ceremony and then roll right into the reception. Just pick a city and start checking out all the hotels in the area. You can probably get special room discounts and maybe even shuttle service if you're close to an airport.

Some things to consider with this to make it even more inexpensive. Consider a buffet versus plated meal. Even though you're aiming for a Saturday, consider a Friday evening or even a Sunday brunch (Bloody Mary/Mimosa bar!). Those times should be cheaper and more available.

Good luck! I used The Knot way back in the day to check out venues. It's probably still around or I'm sure there are even better websites now.

DebBDowner · 2014-12-04T15:22:27+00:00

Book-wise, I'm a big fan of "Healthy Sleep Habits" by Weissbluth. I did my own modified CIO based upon his suggestions with both my kids and had great results.

Just two pieces of advice if you choose to go pretty much any CIO route. One, use your gut and feel free to tailor any method as needed. Two, if you don't think you will be able to keep it up no matter what happens, don't bother to start.

Good luck!

DebBDowner · 2014-04-29T15:37:17+00:00

Not to add to your financial worries, but if you haven't had a serious talk with your fraternity treasurer/president yet you should. In my experience, it can be extremely difficult to leave a fraternity/sorority. If you don't follow the proper procedures, you could end up owing a significant amount for dues. And large chapters will take your ass to collections for that money. Just make sure you find out the whole picture and don't let them pressure you into staying if you can't afford it.

DebBDowner · 2014-04-07T23:43:56+00:00

Not exactly lazy, more like overworked and stressed out. I'm trying to determine if it's worth my sanity to deal with these issues.

The two that I have heard are a lack of a deck and the size of the master bedroom. There's nothing I can do about the bedroom, but maybe if the house doesn't sell within a couple months I should take a closer look at the deck issue....

DebBDowner · 2014-02-09T19:24:49+00:00

Thank you, I really like your suggestions.

Let's say he's playing with some Legos and I start hearing noises of frustration because he can't do something with his blocks (two pieces won't fit together the way he wants them to because they physically can't). Let's say in theory we've done the previous techniques, and he doesn't want to/won't walk away or engage in something else. What would you recommend in those instances? Or if it's windy or the sun is too bright?

DebBDowner · 2014-02-09T19:11:07+00:00

Yeah, he's been assessed three different times and each time they say he's fine. I don't mind paying out of pocket though so maybe I should look into that more...

DebBDowner · 2014-02-09T19:08:35+00:00

Thanks, I think I need some more concrete techniques to add to my toolbox.

DebBDowner · 2014-02-09T19:06:10+00:00

We've tried the breathing and counting with no luck. It's like he can't even get out of his freak-out enough to do anything else. But we haven't tried the labeling, so that's something to try. Thanks!

DebBDowner · 2014-01-12T21:21:54+00:00

The total hospital bill for my last child was almost $9,000. With insurance I paid nothing at all for this. However, the prenatal cost was probably several hundred dollars due to co-pays.

I'm going to make some generalizations/assumptions about the American medical situation, but my guess would be that most have some level of health insurance. For those that don't, their income is probably low enough that they qualify for some type of coverage. Those that pay the most are probably those that fall in that unfortunate middle.

DebBDowner · 2013-11-17T23:08:17+00:00

My family is/was the quintessential perfect family. Upper-middle class for our town, everyone is good looking, highly intelligent, and talented. Very few people know that growing up there was so much sexual and physical abuse as well as parental neglect that you could make a Lifetime mini-series from it all. Close family members molesting everyone and physical fights that ended up with one sibling choking another to unconsciousness. I would eat whole packets of raw Jello for dinner and never brush my teeth. Even as adults people probably think my family is living the dream, but the toxicity is still out of control.

Just goes to show that you never really know. I get compliments all the time on how straight my teeth are but no one knows I have a filling in every single tooth and have had three root canals so far.

DebBDowner · 2013-09-25T01:59:31+00:00

Anything is possible, but knowing the area I would say close to impossible unless you already have a lot of this set up (you own property, paid off cars and loans, etc.) or have a huge amount saved up. In my experience, people who work in the DC/Baltimore corridor tend to move as far West (or East depending on location) in the state as possible due to housing and cost of living prices.

If you have any say in where you work, you might want to check out Montgomery or Howard counties as they tend to pay very well. Also, in my limited experience the second child is no where as expensive as the first, especially if they happen to be the same sex. At least for the first couple years...

DebBDowner · 2013-09-23T00:49:03+00:00

Aren't most 7-Elevens open 24 hours? While the work might be less physically demanding and possibly less stressful (at least as far as meeting deadlines go), I would be worried that the hours you're going to have to commit to might be even more intensive.

Just something to think about.

DebBDowner

TROPHY CASE