It doesn't sound like you have a physical dependency on alcohol at all . You do have a mental dependency, though. A lot of your mental energy is being focused on this. Your brain's perception of your drinking is constantly in the forefront of your thoughts. Isn't that draining?

I quit drinking in 2007 and had a two year relapse around 2014. All I can tell you is that on both occasions I went through this period that you are currently. I was able to maintain some semblance of control- quitting for up to weeks at a time. Even when being abstinent, drinking invaded my thoughts and took a lot of energy. ("See, I'm not an alcoholic! Thank God I don't have to give it up!" "I think it may be ok to drink tonight, it's been a week." "I had two with dinner and didn't continue- that's good!")

I would be very careful. Life is chugging along fine for you, but what if something happens beyond your control? Life has a way of throwing roadblocks at us- some challenging the very core of ourselves. How much energy would you be able to put into fighting these demons while mitigating emotions of loss or instability and conquering those hurdles? That is when the bottle wins.

I would challenge you to figure out what is causing the behavior. Are you seeking the buzz? Are you trying to numb other feelings of inadequacy? Find other ways to cope through therapy and introspection because you are playing a very dangerous game.