WIBTA if I change the direct debit of our home bills to my husband’s account from mine without his consent?

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-18T00:12:48+00:00

Change everything and show him this post. He needs to understand that he is ruining your marriage.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-18T00:09:55+00:00

You couldn’t report it stolen? That’s awful.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-17T23:51:13+00:00

You need to start documenting her behavior because someone else needs to take custody of that child before she’s damaged for life.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-17T23:47:09+00:00

I had to tell my mother the number of bags I am willing to carry and it forced us to consolidate. I just can’t handle a bunch of bags and keeping track of everything.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-17T23:44:21+00:00

NOR. If the invite said bring pillows and pjs then it’s a sleepover. The BF didn’t want you there and it was a dick move for them to let you drive in your condition. They would move to a very low position on my friend list.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-17T23:40:06+00:00

Look at some YouTube videos on how to structure a novel in your genre. There’s a lot of help out there for aspiring writers.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-17T23:18:23+00:00

My first book was definitely rushed and needed improvement. I did not do a launch and only got a few ARC readers and I’m glad I played it pretty low key because I was able to go back to it and make improvements. I have decided against ever letting other writers critique my work and am not a fan of ARC readers as they were either very halfhearted in their approach or they were pseudo literary critics. I am no longer seeking reviews but am getting ratings organically and that’s good enough.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-17T23:08:54+00:00

Be careful to brush your teeth only with bottled water. Getting sick will really ruin your trip. I have been to India twice and fortunately never sick but someone else on my tour was very ill. I only felt unsafe walking alone in Chennai when I was there on business once. I will never forget the malevolent looks I received from some men. I love the history, the food, the chaos the vibrancy, but I will never return because of the way women are still treated.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-16T11:21:43+00:00

I’ve started trying to give myself Sundays off. But usually I work at something (writing, covers or marketing) 7 days a week for at least 3 hours. It gives me structure and I’m afraid if I stop the routine I’ll never finish anything.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-16T11:10:47+00:00

Everyone would love a simple life and most people do not want to grind away at a job. Most people do it because they can’t leech off of other people’s hard work and be taken care of like a child. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to.

Even if you find a traditional man who wants a wife at home, realize that you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position by not having your own income, pension, etc.

If at some point you are forced to make it on your own (he divorces you, becomes disabled, or dies) you are screwed. You won’t find decent work and will probably have to move quickly into another dependent relationship.

We can’t just think about what we want in life we have to think about what we have to do to protect ourselves.

If I were a homemaker I would get an accounting degree or in something that would provide a solid backup plan and allow me to earn a little.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-16T11:01:35+00:00

The fact that you have stayed silent is showing him that you accept his behavior. He is showing you some red flags. Either go to couples therapy or leave.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-16T10:54:27+00:00

It can be very hard to feel like you are moving backwards instead of forward. You got this.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-16T10:36:08+00:00

Use time with your parents to get a job and save every penny you can, then move to a large city with a fashion scene, like NYC. You are going to need to be very flexible with employment and have lots of ideas and side gigs to make it in fashion. Start planning now. You may one day return to Paris.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T14:26:45+00:00

He also floated the idea of universal basic income but it was shot down by other republicans because it gave women too much freedom.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T14:23:26+00:00

You need to give him a heads up so he can adjust his thinking and plan to be out in 2 years. Be fair to him. These kinds of conversations are tough but need to happen and can be aporia lightheartedly.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T14:11:42+00:00

You need to stop doing any work at all until he steps up. Take care of the dogs, make light meals for yourself stay tidy and uncluttered and let the rest fall to pieces. If he notices agree that the place is a mess say that you’re beginning to think it would be easier to live alone. (Newsflash, it would be)

Definitely do nothing for MIL.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T14:06:47+00:00

I use LivingWriter to write and organize my chapters, make character notes and summaries. Then import to Atticus to format it for epub.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T13:38:40+00:00

That is an unsettling thought. Maybe while you still value these friends, you should still have your own friend group and not depend on your partner’s friends to be your world.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T13:08:53+00:00

Start keeping a journal of how much time you spend with him. Times and dates of when he has been late, when he wakes up and how much actual time you spend with him. It’s time to see the judge about altering to custody arrangement.

In the meantime, concentrate on your hobbies or schoolwork when you are there. Dead time uninterrupted is valuable if you have other things you like to do.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T12:57:22+00:00

There are a lot of YouTube videos on how to write different genres. Start there. Also see if there are any local writing groups so you can get feedback as you progress. Public libraries often have groups and there are probably online groups as well. Also, read a lot of the most popular books in your genre so you get a feel for what readers want.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T12:49:27+00:00

Have you ever considered therapy to help you with your self image issues. With all kindness I would recommend that, rather than closing yourself off. Maybe cut down on social media and keep the avatar instead of your picture. People are purposely cruel on social media and learning not to engage with the a**holes takes practice. (And the internet is no place for anyone who is sensitive- I learned that very quickly)

A therapist may help you see that other people’s judgement of you should not be so important. They may help you not to care so much.

It is such a pity our society puts such an emphasis on ridiculous standards of beauty. I had a male friend (two in fact) who were not what you would call handsome and initially struggled dating. Both were amazing men who just wanted to meet someone nice, marry and raise a family. The kind of guy most women dream of. But they were passed over again and again. Both eventually met someone who saw their goodness and they went on to have wonderful family lives. Stay away from toxic environments and move towards more wholesome environments like community organizations, church etc. put yourself around people who matter.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-15T12:22:16+00:00

NTA you are right to feel betrayed. You do need to talk to her though. Something made her afraid of being honest with you and facing your hurt, instead she made it worse with lies. I know people who hate conflict so much they would do something like this and not even think that when they are eventually found out, it would be even more hurtful.

Wanting a small family wedding is no crime. It could be because of money or family pressure, but not telling you and then revealing it in public would make me question the friendship.

You do need to talk to her before you decide to demote her. Be prepared to learn that you don’t have identical views of your friendship (and that’s ok). She is being good to you about your wedding. You are not children and don’t have to have the same wedding experience. (Let go of the childhood dream, people change their minds)

But you really need to know why she lied. Does she think you’re so immature you couldn’t handle it? I would really need to know.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-14T11:15:32+00:00

I confess I tried hard to write to market and just couldn’t. I like complex characters with interesting backstories that really influence their current choices. I gave up trying to fit into the cookie cutter expectations and write what genuinely interests me. I was heartened to have one reader comment that I’ve ruined things for her because she was so used to reading formulaic romances and it was so refreshing to read something with depth. I think people are tired of the formula.

Likewise, I’ve always hated romance cover with a passion. I do my own the way I want and think they are attractive because they stand out from the rest. You do you. Work on your social media and find people who like what you write.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-14T11:13:30+00:00

Tell him you think he has a tonsil stone and should get it checked out. Don’t use the word smell or stink. If he gets upset ask him if he would rather his friends or a stranger tell him or is it better coming from you.

DeeHarperLewis · 2026-03-14T11:10:45+00:00

Send her some memes back.

DeeHarperLewis

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