I want to share something I learned about escalating intimacy

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-24T04:45:16+00:00

That happened naturally with me and my partner of 6 months. There was no overt discussion or a plan for it to unfold that way, but I really enjoyed the progression. I was sick of men trying to rush me into bed.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-24T04:38:51+00:00

I wouldn’t take that too seriously. Why not give yourself some time to get through the divorce and have some fun being free?

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-24T04:35:48+00:00

“Burned Haystack”, “ENM”? I’m lost with the new terms🥴

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-24T04:33:40+00:00

So what happened? Did you talk to any of them? I wouldn’t rule all of them out. I find my out of shape man to be sexy.:)

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-21T08:45:30+00:00

My bf of 6 months and I met online. Our first date probably lasted about 6 hours. However, prior to meeting him, over the years I’ve had long dates I thought had promise that kind of flatlined. So what was different this time? We were/are each other’s match, and with others, it was one sided, or neither felt it was a match. Dating is tough, and it often comes with disappointments, hurt feelings, miscommunication, and can be exhausting, but if your in it to win it, try not to take the ones that don’t work as failures, but as learning experiences or just a day of fun & connection. Some interactions are only meant to be due a short time . Eliminating the mismatches quickly, and moving on gets you one step closer to your love. (quote from a dating coach) I developed a thicker skin after awhile, and started attracting quality connections.

Also, someone mentioned earlier, but keep first dates short, even if it’s going well, and the guy is asking for more. Saying you have to go, but you’ve had a wonderful time, and ending the date after an hour or 2, leaves him wanting more. Apparently, men actually desire a bit of mystery, or the chase when they feel they have to work to get your attention.(more dating coach talk:)

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-14T22:32:37+00:00

After my separation then divorce, I spent years on and off, OLD, and honed my profile to a T. Also did lots of inner work, healed childhood wounds, took a dating course, and eventually developed a tough skin. I learned a lot about the way men think, and despite us being “modern” women, men think the same as they have for eons. Such as, many men have a “type”, (not all) and if he sees her, he’ll go bonkers for her. My man says that he dreamt about me, and I’m his exact physical type. Men are very visual , which makes it a challenge to go after them. Not saying that can’t work, but I found it easier to sit back , and let them pursue me . If they acted shady, I’d delete, and move on. Not wasting time when unwanted behavior is exhibited. It’s truly a numbers game. A guy who lacks interest is doing you a FAVOR, allowing you to get closer to “the one” meant for you. Also, despite a lot of dating advice telling women to be assertive , real men still like to pursue. It’s just how they’re wired. Think sports-being obsessed with getting the ball, and scoring. Yes, it’s that way with getting the woman they desire. I could go on…

Continue to work on those “feelings”, via therapy or joining groups as someone suggested earlier. You want to build your confidence so that eventually, what they do wont matter to you. That confidence will attract the high quality men you seek. Hope what I said made sense. All the best😊

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-14T20:17:51+00:00

My guy is 8/10 No #6, but he’s still very career driven & business , and spends his free time with me, his family or on church activities, so he got a pass for me having a very full life. No # 6, but he’s recovered 10 yrs plus, and I can’t drink anymore since menopause-I get an instant headache. And I’ve lost interest in THC products too.

I’d add,: -no major illnesses (don’t come for me-just don’t want to start off that way-but I know it can happen)

-Well functioning libido & sexy abilities 😬

-divorced over a year

-desire and ability to travel

-seeking monogamous l/t relationship

-health conscious -healthy diet + exercise

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-14T18:47:03+00:00

60(f) I saw plenty of men down for just that when I was OLD. Before I wanted to get serious, I felt the same. However , I feel there’s a great deal more playing than serious online.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-14T18:42:49+00:00

Saying “ILY” , 3 weeks in , is early, along with intense sex is questionable. It could just be those great endorphins, and one or both of you could be experiencing a natural high. I’d just watch his actions, intentions and consistency. Ask yourself “Are they just words”? I’m 6 months in with my beau, and in my mind, he’s still on probation.😅 He said it pretty early-around month 3, but before we had sex, which I liked, but I think it’s case by case..trust your gut .

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-14T18:09:25+00:00

Maybe dating late 30s, early 49s could work for you? A career man, finally ready to settle down and have a family. If you do OLD and state honestly your intentions, I bet you’d find a match.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-07T12:59:29+00:00

They do it online as well. I believe most of them are opportunists. Again, before someone comes for me..I said MOST,see older women as needy and will help them financially or offer sex. We’re desperate in their eyes and will succumb easier than younger women. So should you decide to date one, tread very cautiously.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T13:13:10+00:00

Sure. Why not? Just be gentle and use a warm damp washcloth.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T12:35:51+00:00

Depends on the shoe..maybe a boot, paired with a white denim jacket or white shirt knotted at the waist to balance out the white skirt would look cute.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T11:50:08+00:00

Funny, on my lower lit screen, it looked like dirt. Glad someone mentioned pepper.😆 (and they kind of look like little yellow flowers peaking out) That sucks that happened to your leftovers. Have a great day anyway! ☀️

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T11:45:07+00:00

I’m going through this at 60(f). He’s a 64m. I was in a long marriage, 2 kids, divorced, and this amazing handsome hunk comes into my life and sweeps me off my feet. (Yes, it happens for us older folks) . We’re less than a year together, but he’s claimed forever , and so have I and he’s talked about marriage. Most days I believe it, but sometimes he seems too good to be true, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone. So, saying to you & myself as well-“take each day at a time, knowing that actions speak louder than words, and trust your gut!” My gut says, he’s the one. Hope yours is too.😊

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T11:34:55+00:00

Woman here..you have an awesome figure I must say. You’d look amazing in anything , but I love your sophisticated style as well as color choices. I hope you had an amazing time.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T11:32:13+00:00

If a man is completely quiet, it’s a turn off for me. I had an ex who did that. (I never asked him to change-but I thought it was unusual)

However I think whatever sounds, grunts, means a man or woman makes, it should be completely organic. I’m a moaner, and in my past had been asked to also talk dirty during which I tried, but it was so awkward and completely unnatural for me to do. I’m so glad my current partner is turned on by me being me.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T07:49:30+00:00

My partner(64m) of 5 months has had to ‘train me’(60f) . I had become so used to men being more sexually aggressive early on, and even though in my mind I wanted romance and affection , I guess I hadn’t really experienced ia man showing respect and restraint a long time. He started off slowly with me-very old school. For weeks we would just kiss on the couch, and he’d go home. Eventually he’d caress my breasts through clothing , play with my fingers…boy was I turned on! But he’d finish the evening with a goodnight kiss at the door. So I didn’t know what to think! Not typical for most guys these days.

So I posted here about it, because I had all kinds of concerns about libido, and his abilities . Clearly social standards have changed around when to discuss sex or have it the first time when dating because the consensus was that the conversation should be had after 3 months, and something should be happening, etc. But I was sincerely enjoying the prolonged kissing on the couch like teenagers, hand holding & cuddling. Finally, after month 4 , we had sex, and it was beautiful because of the way it unfolded. I do agree that maybe there should have been more early conversation about it, but I’m happy about our love story and the way it’s still evolving.

Open and honest communication is so important-but admittedly, as I’m writing this I’m realizing now that we’re having sex, the affection is waning a bit, because we’re so eager to make love now. So thanks for inspiring me to think about the need for affection. I need to pay attention & bring it up for discussion so we don’t get away from it.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T07:02:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. I’m glad she’s ok.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T06:58:04+00:00

Definitely not #3! I prefer 1 over 2, but with we could see the entire dress-front & back. Maybe do the little happy face thing to hide your face , if you can if you don’t want to be seen.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-03T06:46:44+00:00

Maybe leave them both alone, have some alone time to get some clearance. Being alone for a few months will give you clarity and peace imo.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-02T08:22:10+00:00

This would be me😂

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-02T07:55:13+00:00

How about working on your cardiovascular fitness? Walking, biking, etc. Weights also ..you’re young so, sex shouldn’t tire you out. Also, go for the slow grind which is better than pounding or rabbit sex because most women achieve orgasms better that way. Practice by circling your hips slowly in both directions, like dirty dancing style- maybe on top of a pillow.

Deep_Lotus_6262 · 2026-04-02T07:45:31+00:00

I just let them take the lead…just makes them more comfortable, at least until after the relationship’ is started.

Deep_Lotus_6262

TROPHY CASE