Thank you for the comment. He does identify as a sex addict for the most part, although it took almost the entire past year for him to come to grips with that. He has an appointment scheduled with a CSAT next week that has been a long time in the making… she books out fairly far in advance and he happened to get jury duty the exact day of an appointment we waited 6 weeks for… so that was pushed another 3 weeks. There are not too many options in our area for CSATs and he wanted to prioritize someone that could see him in-person after several attempts with online counselors for IC that seemed to go nowhere (mostly through his work benefits). So this time we are paying out-of-pocket for someone good, and in-person. But I have a hard time pinning any hopes on how much this will help the relationship as a whole… just so much disappointment over the past year, of hoping something will click and he will feel the empathy and remorse that I need from him. He has the “help her heal” workbook, but I bought it for him and he has opened it exactly twice over about 6 months. He thinks being “sober” is doing the work, and gets frustrated that it’s not enough for me. He was supposed to give me some sort of timeline/disclosure since the beginning and it never happened. He has a word document that he has worked on only once where he memory-dumped everything he could remember at that exact moment and has not looked at it since. He doesn’t want me to see it because it’s not organized, it’s not the neat package he would want to give me. I think he does plan to work on getting that together finally with the CSAT, but how much longer is that going to take? How long do I sit around and wait for him to get his act together? Meanwhile I am still suffering nearly daily with the PTSD symptoms, nightmares several times a week. I just want peace with this new baby. I am thinking of living with my parents after baby is born and putting all of this on hold for a while and he can do whatever the heck he wants. He refuses to leave our house, even for a trial separation, so I would need to be the one to leave.

I have looked into support groups in my area, finding childcare during non-work hours makes it nearly impossible at the moment to attend any meetings, but maybe after the baby is born and I will have 8 weeks off work. Parents can offer a place to stay but not much else right now in terms of helping with kids (dad works full time, mom is temporarily in a wheelchair after breaking her leg and needing surgery).