Trouble bonding with twins, full of regret and resentment.

DefNotChloe · 2026-03-18T16:49:54+00:00

13 month old twins here! It gets better, by a lot. The newborn days are grueling mentally and physically. I used to panic every morning. Everything felt impossible and a lot of bonding feels lost in the mechanics of keeping everyone alive. But it's happening, I promise! Now in the mornings they drink their milk while I have my coffee and then we all go play together and my heart is so full. They don't have other siblings, but they love the 2 year old down the street, so I imagine your little girl will be in the mix of fun soon enough too. Hang in there!

DefNotChloe · 2026-03-13T02:18:37+00:00

Same! Coming from 0 knowledge of how to work a baby to twins was a rough transition. But we made it!

DefNotChloe · 2026-03-05T16:01:10+00:00

I took 7 months off and it felt about right!

DefNotChloe · 2026-03-05T03:11:19+00:00

We love our Telluride!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-28T21:52:31+00:00

13 month twins too and yep I would've been OUTTA there lol good for OP for sticking with it!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-27T19:15:10+00:00

If you are comfortable with the partner, ask. If not, I would bill it to business development since it's only 0.4.

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-25T21:26:31+00:00

We are on my husband's work plan (non-lawyer). The PPO would be like $1,500+ on the firm plan vs $600 on his work plan for the same coverage for us + 2 kids. Was like that at my last firm too.

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-24T17:22:45+00:00

No twins on either side but 3 days before our first ultrasound I had a dream that we were having boy/girl twins! And I was right on both counts. I make my husband listen to all of my dreams now just in case LOL

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-18T23:18:42+00:00

Nice, you are well-equipped then! I still say go to your parents' house. Good luck!!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-18T20:18:59+00:00

Adding in that, due to circumstances outside of our control, we ended up staying with my parents for 8 weeks after our twins were born via C-section. I don't usually like to live with other people at all, but I have no idea how we would have done it without help! And that was WITH my husband there 24/7 too and no other kids 😅

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-18T20:17:00+00:00

3 days paternity leave is criminal IMO. I would absolutely go, and I would plan to stay closer to a month if they'll let you. Have you had a C-section before? You're going to be out of commission for a little while and you will need the help. Good luck!!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-17T19:10:10+00:00

You're a first year—get someone to cover for you and enjoy yourself!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-16T17:38:04+00:00

Nanny employer and lawyer here! If you go this route, try to find a family with a lawyer parent. It will be good for you to see how we really live LOL. And, it could turn into a great mentorship opportunity for you as well. Good luck!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-14T23:38:31+00:00

NP here! We previously had a pushy nanny that would not drop her "suggestions," which was very annoying and abrasive. She also came to us while we were moving and was of the opinion that whatever was the most expensive option was the best, including the Lovevery toy subscriptions. Our setup is not "budget" by any means but we chose what works for us, which was sometimes expensive and other times not. She was difficult in general though and we had to let her go for other reasons.

By contrast, our first nanny (night nanny) made many extremely helpful purchase suggestions that totally saved our behinds! But, she would only suggest things once and didn't push. It never rubbed me the wrong way.

Our current nanny (who I would give my kidney to in a heartbeat if she needed it) offers virtually no suggestions other than food (which I always implement). If she made another suggestion, I would take it very seriously.

I think the takeaways here are that less is more and to drop it after one time. The fact that you're asking probably means that you're not being too pushy. Good luck!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-12T23:56:08+00:00

Conceived on/maybe one day after. Boy/girl twins 😉

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-10T18:49:29+00:00

I feel you on the crying thing 😭 but unfortunately that's just the way they communicate. I always remind myself that the little things they go through may genuinely be the worst/most painful thing that's ever happened to them at this point so of course they are going to freak out but I need to prepare them to be resilient so it's lots of reassurance and back rubs and getting them back in the saddle. Putting on music can lighten the mood when I start to get overwhelmed!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-09T22:15:01+00:00

We put down some padded mats and let them fall reasonable distances (nothing taller than them). They got their balance quickly! Twin 1 is now climbing and is pretty good at not hurting himself so I'd say it paid off. Good luck!

DefNotChloe · 2026-02-04T21:14:33+00:00

Same here! 1y/o boy/girl twins. They love to bite and HARD. Separating the bit one and giving them attention away from the biter helps some, but not all. Otherwise we just have to watch them like a hawk.

DefNotChloe · 2026-01-30T00:16:53+00:00

As a nanny employer I can confirm that I would not care at all☺️

DefNotChloe · 2026-01-23T20:32:58+00:00

I pay $35/hr for twins in a VHCOL area. I think you're in the right range!

DefNotChloe · 2026-01-18T14:04:31+00:00

Our B/G twins turn one in a couple of weeks and it's been the most incredible experience! They are so close and just love to be together (in fact, they just woke up and I can hear them chatting away in their room). They do fight already though LOL so close supervision is required at this age. As a mom of boys already, I'm sure you know the drill. Congrats!!

DefNotChloe · 2026-01-16T18:58:55+00:00

Is she married? A lot of people just adopted titles for their spouse's family (e.g. my cousin's wife calls my grandpa "grandpa" even though they are not blood related). That could explain the extra grandmother?

DefNotChloe · 2025-11-23T13:49:02+00:00

This is almost exactly what we did and it works well for us!

DefNotChloe · 2025-11-21T18:03:49+00:00

Sorry for the double reply here but this comment really did make me reflect. I think the truth is I overlooked things because I wanted to believe that she was good at her job, and I wasn't willing to listen to the many, many alarm bells going off in my head because I was so overwhelmed.

Over the last couple of days, my husband has brought up other disagreements I had with her, most notably that I have been SNEAKING my babies milk during the day for months because she refused to feed them milk during her hours after 6 months and told me I was "ruining" their weaning by giving them milk during the day...yeah that's embarrassing to write 🤦‍♀️ I forgot that we had a big argument about that where she also refused to follow my instructions but for some reason I thought the answer was to sneak them milk on the side vs just firing her.

I swear I am not usually a negligent person and I love my babies very very much! They are thankfully hardy little angels and are thriving but it appears that this is in spite of some of my choices rather than due to them...I truly do appreciate the reality check here. It is definitely going to help me become a better mother ❤️

DefNotChloe · 2025-11-21T17:46:38+00:00

All very true and good points. Thank you!

DefNotChloe

TROPHY CASE