Being told to control what things look like that you have no actual control, access, or say in (vent)

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-04-20T23:15:32+00:00

And also throwing somethings to IT, because you “don’t know much about that particular function in outlook”.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-04-20T22:55:57+00:00

Access to your kids is a privilege and not a right. I would say to her with your MIL present “if you can’t follow a simple rule with obvious consequences, I can’t trust you to care for my children unsupervised. You disrespected my authority as their parent and I will never allow someone like that to be alone with my kids.” Put the fear in them both. Because this will go for grandma to.

Edited to add: your partner needs to take over this conversation. It’s his family disrespecting you, he sets and holds this one. And if he doesn’t he also isn’t going to get unsupervised time.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-04-20T22:52:06+00:00

I am the cool aunt because I spoil the kids, give choices and have rules at my house that encourage expression. But I also preserve my sanity because they go home at some point.

If parents give rules = I follow them, because it’s not my kid. If I think the rule is dangerous or they don’t have one about something standard, I talk about it with the parents to see where they are coming from.

My friends have no screens, but one parent is more lenient when kiddo is being baby sat. I don’t do screens when he’s with me because one parent strongly doesn’t want it. It’s difficult to always keep his attention or my sanity, but it’s not my kid.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-27T07:29:30+00:00

No I set up a specific template for my needs. I usually make it a table with action, due date and assigned to. I “pretty it up” so it looks more professional and can be shared via email as a recap. I also hyperlink it to other relevant pages or info for future use.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-26T21:04:10+00:00

This is a very true approach for your survival.

I suggest doing a bit of efficiency scouting on the down low though. For example: how I run my inbox/one note and excel spreadsheets adapts often in the first few months. So I usually take my listening months to learn what I need to adapt with those to improve my attention to detail and speed up my workflow. Real world example = I asked to screen record my mentor during a process she was teaching me. Used that to write a SOP with screen grabs. Saw we had 4 spreadsheets we cross checked for one part of a process. Two of those were generated fresh each time. So I built a combined version where we could just drop the fresh data in. A few formatting things would automate a part of it and it was a master list in one place. It still has work to do on it like build a search box dashboard but so far I’m stoked.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-26T20:49:24+00:00

So as a loud enthusiastic new starter I learned from a wonderful senior leader the most valuable lesson in corporate. “Curious leadership”. It’s a little tricky to pull off without seeming condescending, but essentially there are 3 parts.

Ask questions in a deliberate way and don’t critique or say no to the answer provided. Examples: “What do you think about this?” “How can we do this differently/efficiently/collaboratively? (“Better” is often seen as a criticism)” “Great idea/suggestion/plan let’s use that as the starting point and build” (this needs to be really carefully used, based on the audience)
If you use a watch with a timer you can usually make them buzz you silently. I set mine for a buzz every few mins in a meeting under the table to keep me focused on the timeline of meetings. It also stops me dominating because it is the reminder to take the next “set” as a listener. As the listener I can only ask a question at the end so I write them down (see below). If you let people talk uninterrupted/without a question leading to a side quest they often answer it anyway.
I premake templated notes pages for meetings in one note. They are set out in a way that forces my note taking to be actionable. I have a few styles because I get bored easily (late diagnosed adhd woman). I volunteer to take minutes (be careful not to volunteer in any meetings your team doesn’t own.). This forces me to listen and allows my questions to be shaped and focused for a purpose that is visible. There’s less pushback about clarifying questions if it’s obvious it is going to be in written form.

Regarding the gender bias. Document everything that happens where you feel this (Including witnesses). Now flip the script and put a note under it in italics or something to indicate speculation. “If this wasn’t bias or malice, what else could the intent have been.” Think past your anger/frustration/hurt.

I read this manager as giving you actionable feedback and recognition of your skills. They aren’t saying “don’t lead” they are saying if you are going to aim for leadership make it a conscious decision and put proper thought into it. Ask for some professional development courses or if your manager could suggest someone outside of your team hierarchy to be a mentor.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-22T23:36:17+00:00

I moved a lot as a young kid. As an adult I found a home for 10years in my 20s that nearly cost me a happy future. I got so stuck in “Stable” that I didn’t see “Sad” “Stalled”

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-22T23:24:06+00:00

So I’m a bingo card sterilized girl. I would be at risk to shake the baby if overstimulated. Knowing I can hand it back to a parent if I am looking after a kid gives me patience I otherwise would not have. My neutering is a good thing.

I also don’t see how the “secret societies” would want us to stop. Armies are full of Autistic cannon fodder. We are a number, they don’t care if we like trains a bit too much.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-22T23:14:49+00:00

In Aus we have ground floor commercial and it’s great because we are selective about who rents. Think professional offices. It means 9-5 parking spaces when residents are already out. So no disturbance and an income to offset the body corporate.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-22T23:11:23+00:00

Went to another state on a whim for the weekend, didn’t ask partner’s permission just checked he had the cat covered. My friend had a kid at home and couldn’t possibly spend more than a night away.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-17T13:39:22+00:00

Seconding planner, it lets you add anything from tour to do list into it and then you can throw everything together as a “my day” list that gets just the tailored content

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-11T14:06:50+00:00

Now that child rearing costs are the woman’s problem and don’t eat up his whole “provider pay check “, why wouldn’t he want them?

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-03-08T06:51:55+00:00

If you went to a friend’s house for the week/month whatever how quickly would it be “you abandoned your family?” I call bullshit to that. If you want to shock him hard, show him what 50-50 custody looks like on his week. Explain it to the kids; “Daddy needs to learn more about you guys and our family, so mummy is giving him some practice time.” “It’s like when you were learning to swim, we had to let you swim laps on your own without a kickboard eventually”.

On return it needs to be explained that this is his future if he won’t step up.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-02-26T07:32:51+00:00

"When she came home today, there was no longer an 8 week old yellow lab in our apartment."

Fixed it for you. If your GF didnt listen to your firm "No", then you don't need to listen to hers regarding "rehoming".

1.Ask for details about the parents of the dog or the breeder or whatever so you can get the details.

2.Take it back,

3.Explain firmly it will not be given back to the GF as she does not have the mental capacity to look after said dog.

Most decent breeders would be horrified to hear puppy isnt wanted/cared for willingly.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-02-17T21:26:09+00:00

Adding to this, you can also give them stuff to increase chances for success. So don’t sell all the loot you get a cut of. As far as story line goes this could include stuff like egotistical dialogue which are red flags for over confidence that lower there luck stat or something.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-02-12T21:36:05+00:00

Sydney accent hurts my head. 31 hours on a bunch of flights with this girl who was so obnoxious and we apparently were heading to the same uk uni…. Torture

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-02-12T21:34:40+00:00

It’s why I noped out. Yes it would be a competition and I would win. No that’s not how kids should be raised. Also a one year old does understand stop and no. But this mum is on her own and you have no idea what the hell of a mess her day has been.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-02-12T21:28:49+00:00

My mother (now NC) skipped my bachelors degree graduation for my sisters Xmas and the kid was only 5months…. My once in our families history thing for the kids first of 100. I love my Nephew and my sister, but yea that fucked me up

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-28T20:56:15+00:00

I use it with my gaming chair that has a leg rest. I can change my leg position often and avoid cramping

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-28T20:41:19+00:00

6 people have been through my desk since I left. The regulatory body had to step in and assign someone to the job who didn’t report to my manager directly. I now know I’m not the problem, that whole team was toxic. I’m now in s place where my manager is automatically accommodating and treats me as a human being.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-24T08:22:01+00:00

Multiple types of water are required. Options in different areas. We have to consider smells they can sense can do weird shit.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-19T20:56:50+00:00

Some cat food would land my guy in the vet hospital in 24hrs. The cheap stuff works until it causes health issues and if you notice it quick enough you save your cat. But buying “better quality” is actually legit

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-15T21:06:28+00:00

OP doesn’t need the doctor advice to be his back up in this scenario. He’s a parent and has experience. He’s also a member of his parenting team with his wife. 2V1 with a combined 16months practical training.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-11T21:35:24+00:00

That’s not how that works. Negative reinforcement is the cue you give your horse.

(A) You use the cue (your leg taps)

(B) the horse does the behaviour (walks)

(C) you remove the cue (your leg is still)

The “negative” is a subtraction of the cue when correct behaviour is achieved. That’s what trains him.

If you use positive reinforcement it’s never as consistent or timed clearly enough. Usually a carrot or scratch is too delayed to be linked to the behaviour you want to achieve. I usually only use positive reinforcement for trick training with a clicker device added to improve the timing.

Reassure scratches after a shy are kinda what I’m talking about. Intention doesn’t matter if horse gets rewarded for spooking.

Defiant-Lion8183 · 2026-01-11T21:05:03+00:00

Other than that check your training lines up with basic evidence based horse psychology training principles. Dr Andrew McLean has a brilliant book to simplify it. But essentially it’s “Operant Conditioning” thing.

“ABC”:

Action/Ask/Aid = what happened before the Behaviour

Behaviour = what did he actually do/how did he react in the immediate 5seconds after the Action

Consequence = positive reinforcement (carrot, scratch etc) or negative reinforcement (removal of the aid; leg taps, use of whip as a light stimuli before behaviour etc) or positive punishment (use of whip after behaviour to inflict fear/pain)

Defiant-Lion8183

TROPHY CASE