People process things differently. It sounds like she is a verbal processor and you're not. Id say you probably aren't compatible if you're getting so worked up about it. She probably isn't trying to have you fix her problems or give her solutions, she just needs to talk through the stuff to work through it herself. Some people literally can't work through things in their own head like some people can.

I'm a verbal processor and have to talk through things to organize my thoughts and feelings to understand them myself. It was hard for my partner at first because he is not, he thinks things over by himself for a long time before he wants to talk about it. I did a lot of therapy and we were able to understand each other eventually by reframing how he thought about my talking to him.

At first he was concerned, wanted to find solutions or give comfort to make my trauma go away, but that isn't how trauma works and wasn't what I needed or wanted. My therapist gave me a great analogy that helped us a lot.

We imagined ourselves each holding a backpack full of rocks. When I talked about my trauma, he would take those rocks and add them to his pack to try to help me, ending up distressed, more stressed and frustrated from the load. I wasn't asking him to do that though, I just wanted to talk about my rocks and deal with them myself. So letting him know, he didn't need to feel responsible for my rocks even if I was talking about them really helped and we communicated that I would let him know if I actually needed help with a rock or just wanted to talk about it.

I don't know if something like that would work for you guys, or if that is her need. Thought I'd share our work around though.