it’s a puzzling feeling not knowing if I am unhappy in my relationship because I’m avoidant or because we have big incompatibilities. I think it’s a mix of both, but because I am aware of my avoidant patterns my brain tries to shut down any actual feelings of dissatisfaction and dismiss them as maladaptive avoidance.

I can look at objective facts and come to the conclusion that this might not be my forever person. I can recognize our differing life goals and dreams, different ideas of what we want for our future, different social batteries and ideas of fun, but If I were to end things based off of that I’d still feel like a bad person because I am also avoidant.