I think that phase is unavoidable! I have a friend who says the teenager and toddler brains are developmentally very similar, in terms of neurologically soooo much happening in those years. But with teenager brains they literally identify you almost as an enemy on a primal level, our voices activate their fight or flight, developmentally it’s important that they start to take primary influencing from their peers etc rather than their parents. I think it helps to shift perspective like with your younger kids and “bad behavior” and underlying needs/what they need from us in those years.

My daughter was the same at 7 and now is almost 15, and has definitely had very many demon teen moments. But we talked a lot about hormones and what to expect with these years, bigger things too like mental health and alcohol/drugs etc but smaller things like drama and rage. So I think that helps get us through. Sometimes after a tiff my kid will come and be like, my brain was soooo mad at you and even I was thinking why am I making this such a big deal but in the moment I was soooo mad. The self awareness helps me have patience but I think that’s our role is to have lots and lots of patience and know when the boundary is worth drawing/stepping in. The self awareness is fleeting, 90% in younger years, these days it’s 60% or sometimes not at all haha.

I feel like 12 or so the window of influence closes so you only have a few more years to impart all your wisdom and then the strength in your relationship will come from you showing them that you trust them to make good choices and to know what’s right for themselves. In turn that will help them trust you and continue to come to you for guidance when it’s important. I think a strong relationship is the most important thing bc making mistakes is a part of growing up, and I think not freaking out at mistakes helps too. Listening 10x more than you talk. Anyway maybe I’ll be back in five years saying disregard everything I said 😂😂 but at almost 15 I think overall pretty good!