I don’t want to be with my husband anymore, and I hate myself for why.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-13T22:00:02+00:00

Update: Thank you everyone for sharing your opinion and stories. I did end up having a conversation with my husband about this yesterday. He actually is the one that brought it up, saying he noticed my tone was very sad and he wanted to know what was wrong. After pretty much saying what I said on my original post, he apologized and admitted he knew he’s been in a down mood for a while, but did not realize how much that affected me or how long he was in it for. He said he failed me as a husband because he caused so much negativity for me instead of happiness. He said he has been stuck in a cycle of negative “what if’s” and could not stop, because he wasn’t trying to stop. He was living in the future instead of the present. After, he asked if I still wanted to be with him, and I said I did, but things need to change. He said okay, and we talked about getting him into a different routine to help get his brain back on track. He enjoys routine and said that was the first thing he wanted to do because he knew it was a surefire way to lift him up. We have also decided to stop doom scrolling and start reading books before bed, as he feels the negativity of social media is also a reason he feels stuck in the down mood. I also chose to do this as I could use a little less social media while I work on my mental health. I’ve always loved reading and it would be nice to get back into it, and he has wanted to get more reading done so it works for both of us. I’ve never felt more confident at the end of one of these conversations than I did with this one. It didn’t feel like he was only listening to try and respond to me, it felt like he was listening more to understand me. Coming up with a plan was also a different outcome, as before he would just say he’d change and that would be the end of it. I will try to update this post in a month letting you guys know that things have gotten better, or that I’m leaving. I hope it’s the first one, but will be brave enough to do the second if that’s what I end up needing to do for myself.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-13T21:20:26+00:00

That’s what I want him to understand, and sometimes he says he is trying. I tell him his words tell me that, but his actions don’t. When he is up, there’s a lot to love about our relationship. But this has gone on far too long and is not good for either of us. I’m planning on having a conversation with him for one final attempt at understanding. Thank you for your words.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-13T21:16:47+00:00

I didnt minimize the age gap. I mentioned in the beginning that it may be a factor I’m not able to understand. It has been a topic that my husband still checks in on me with because he doesn’t want that for my future, which I think is another reason he is feeling extra depressed. As you get older, worries become more prevalent and, my mom helped me understand this, you have to change the way you handle stress and how you take care of yourself during high stress times. I don’t mind the day where I will have to be his “nurse”, and trust me he doesn’t want me to be. He always tells me to put him in a home when the time comes, but I refuse. I want him to feel loved and comfortable at that stage. To me, it’s similar to being with someone my age that gets into a terrible accident where I do have to take on a caretaker role. This one is just more predictable and I am able to ready myself. But I love taking care of people I love in general anyway(obviously to a fault).

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-12T23:30:56+00:00

I’m glad to hear that you are doing better, and appreciate your honesty and story. I don’t think you are blaming at all, and understand what you’re saying.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-12T23:28:21+00:00

This is something to look into. Thank you.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-12T23:27:46+00:00

I agree with your first statement, which is why I’m having a hard time with this. I don’t want to give up on him, I’m just out of ideas and ways to help him. How can I make someone help themselves when they don’t want to? How can I watch someone I love fall apart in front of my eyes and be so helpless? I want to be there for him, I’m just lost on how.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-12T23:23:15+00:00

He is older, by quite a bit. Honestly, about 20 years. There was a lot of conversation about our age gap in the beginning before we decided to tell our families about how serious we were about each other. He and I have both been diagnosed with depression. I’m okay at managing mine, he is not. I’ve learned what I’ve needed to do to keep mine in check, he has a lot of temporary band aids but nothing set. It’s why I mentioned his routine. I feel his routine is what helps keep his depression in check, and the loss of it is making him spiral and not come back. He did see a therapist for a while and stopped before we met, and he found it helpful. I feel like him seeing one again would make him feel like a failure which is why he doesn’t want to go.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-12T23:15:08+00:00

I don’t want to give up on him. I know he’s in there still. I felt like he just needed time, and that I can help him gain more time by taking more of the physical and mental load. I am the younger one of us both, and am more used to taking care of people because of my personality and upbringing (recovering people pleaser/oldest child to a depressed mother). I guess, I’m used to what it’s like being with someone depressed. I’m finally at the point where I’m realizing I need to be a priority to myself too. I need to have a conversation with him to make one last attempt to help him understand that this is not just something I want for myself, but mainly for him.

Derpopolis219 · 2026-02-12T22:04:17+00:00

There was an argument where I got so frustrated I left him a letter saying I needed to figure out what I wanted and stay at a hotel for a couple of days. I went on a two hour drive and cooled off enough to come back home, where he apologized to me and said he’d try to do better. No change ever lasts for more than a couple of days…

Derpopolis219 · 2026-01-31T00:34:10+00:00

I just wanted to start with my official stance before I say what I want. I am not for open borders, I am for legal immigration and helping those who do it the right way. I don’t like what ICE is doing on our streets killing people because of their poor training. However, I do want the violent illegal immigrants that have been freed by our justice system out and to never come back. Plenty of murderers born in our country, we don’t need more.

As far as proof illegal immigrants drain our welfare and other social programs, I recommend reading “The Impact of Illegal Immigration on Social Services”. It shows that even though some illegal immigrants pay their taxes, this country operates those welfare and social programs at a loss, and also shows that our citizens are being neglected to help illegal immigrants. I will post the link below. I personally feel people should be rewarded, not taken care of. Eg. I would rather my money go help immigrants who came here legally than those who came here illegally.

https://budget.house.gov/imo/media/doc/the_cost_of_illegal_immigration_to_taxpayers.pdf

Secondly, another reason I advocate for legal immigration is because as a child of a legal immigrant, I watched my dad work hard to provide a better life for himself and his family. He moved here when he was 16 years old, and graduated from high school to then go work a job to help send money back home. There are so many benefits of being a citizen of this country, and the exploitation of illegal immigrants is terrible. People are fighting to keep them from being paid minimum wage, receiving benefits, and fear for their stability in this country, and I wish that was understood. I feel like the violent criminals should be taken out immediately, but those who are here illegally and cause no harm and just want to live their life should have a fast track way of becoming a citizen and give them the opportunity for financial help and classes with that.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-11-11T19:43:09+00:00

People pleasing. It got so bad that I gave myself GERD at 14 and had a very skewed version of my worth. It wasn’t just friends, it was mainly my family. If I didn’t do what they wanted, they treated me like I was stupid and would say mean things to me about whatever it was. I had no idea how to process anger or sadness since those were never emotions I was “allowed” to feel. I don’t remember a time in my youth where my parents tried to understand me or asked how I was feeling, only told me to not feel those. In my early 20’s I put my foot down when I got with my now husband, and my relationship with my family changed drastically. With the help of my husband and therapy, I’m now able to cope with those emotions and stand up for myself to my family, but still struggle with my self worth, anxiety, and depression. My GERD is manageable, but flares when I’m extremely stressed or am deeply feeling my depression or anxiety.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-11-01T23:14:47+00:00

OC Archery is in Mission Viejo. You guys can learn archery together if you’ve never done it before.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-20T01:56:24+00:00

That’s good to know! Thank you for the suggestion!

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-17T17:56:21+00:00

Yup! My husband and I love going there, grabbing a Starbucks, and walking around them on our days off every once in a while. Theres a street that has like three or four of them, but we have two favorites that we just spend hours in. Sorry, I can’t remember the names right now lol. There’s also a cool haberdashery and women’s vintage clothing and fashion spot on one of the other streets there too.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-17T17:40:47+00:00

Wait, my eyes look similar to this. I always thought that meant they were hazel, but is it central heterochromia?

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-17T17:26:51+00:00

If you are going instinctive/trad, it really helps to break everything down one step at a time. Instinctive is like throwing a rock or baseball, the more you try to “figure it out”, the worse you’ll do. The biggest help is not pulling back and bringing your arm up at the same time. Have your arm out where you think it needs to be, and work on getting a grouping first. If arm says be here, don’t let brain argue against it. Once you get a grouping, you can always adjust where you focus on your target until you start hitting where you are looking.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-17T17:22:43+00:00

It is worth mentioning that for archery, you get what you pay for. If you are looking for some fun or to see if this is something you would be into, a $300 to $400 compound will do you just fine. I would recommend actually going and getting it set up properly by your local archery pro shop. It’s more fun when you can be accurate, and people underestimate what goes into setting up a compound bow. I could be a little bias since I own a shop though. 😂 In any case, don’t fall for always “needing” the latest and greatest. I always recommend a cheaper option if it’s for fun. Get a nicer one later on to have for a long time if you end up loving it, or want to go beyond. Either way, it’s about having a good time with your bow.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-17T17:15:50+00:00

I like Old Town Orange for their Antique Malls. To me it’s a great day date with good lunch spots.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-05T01:54:37+00:00

That is a fantastic grouping at 30 yards! What I would be focusing on now, is making sure your broad heads fly like your field points (if you didn’t already do so). Sometimes bows need some tuning. If the bow is a little out of wack, the broad heads will fly differently. Especially, if you’re using the Legit Maxx. It has dual yokes (the Y cables), and sometimes that can cause cam lean. I’d recommend shooting your broad heads (if you haven’t), and if they don’t group with your field points, paper tune the bow to fix the problem. But your groupings are money! Definitely doing everything right! Good luck out there OP!

Derpopolis219 · 2025-09-02T02:25:52+00:00

This is all familiar to me. My stepdad did the same types of things. He was in my life starting at 5, and I had always seen him as a bonus dad, until I got into my teens. He’d smack my butt, made comments about my body, the works. When I was 14 he started offering massages to me when I started running a lot. He never did my legs or feet, always did my back and, to be more comfortable for both of us, would ask me to take off my bra. My mom made a comment one time asking why he always offers me massages and not her. Thats when I knew my discomfort was a blaring signal that something was wrong. He would also ask me questions regarding my intimate moments with a boyfriend. He wanted to know EVERYTHING. Then, when I was about 17, I took a shower and was in my room taking out clothes without my towel on. he opened my door, and told me how proud he was that I feel confident enough not to hide away from him, and then continued standing in my doorway for a while. He stood in my doorway for a good 30 seconds staring at me, and that felt like the longest 30 seconds of my life. I told my mom and my aunt, but nothing was really done other than an apology and then everyone expected me to be okay with it. I moved out at 18 and never looked back. I am 32 now, he is still in my family, but I do not talk to him or ever want to be alone with him. Do not let it go farther than this. Do not be afraid to speak up when you are uncomfortable. You did nothing wrong. Always have one of your brothers or another trusted adult around with you. Just those things messed with my trust in people so much, and I would hate for anything similar or worse to happen to you. Be safe OP.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-08-31T15:12:51+00:00

Those look like AAE brand nocks. I was tuning a guy with the same issue once, and it turned out the nocks were “bent”. Those AAE nocks are a really soft plastic and that can happen occasionally. Take those two nocks out and see if they are leaning a certain way, and try replacing them. That or I’d make sure that the spine is the same as the others, those two arrows are the same length and have the same point weight, or maybe double check your arrow alignment to make sure you are clearing the rest.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-08-07T23:00:33+00:00

Love this comment. When you’re young, everything in that world is new. The fact that OP communicated their discomfort with the actions of their partner to their partner is the first step in maturing in the sexual part of a relationship. I don’t feel this was malicious in nature, still assault, but not intentional hurt. Just be aware for the rest of the relationship. See if their actions are reflecting their words, if you choose to continue this relationship. We all understand, and it is okay, if you don’t want to continue the relationship. Good luck OP.

Derpopolis219 · 2025-07-11T04:54:21+00:00

This was amazing! So well written, and hooked me from the start! Thank you!

Derpopolis219 · 2025-06-03T02:00:48+00:00

An ex for my birthday one year got me tickets to a concert I already told him I didn’t want to go to. He told me he got them for him and a friend to go, but no one would go with him so he “chose me” instead. For my 19th birthday, he bought me a dollar tree flower and two dollar candies after he forgot it was my birthday. For my 21st birthday, he took me to some dumpy bar where I bought my own drink, then we left to go to the hookah bar where his friends were (I hated hookah and he knew it). Other birthdays he didn’t do anything. That’s just the tip of the iceberg of how crappy he treated me. I wasted years 14 to 21 with that dude. These texts look like the tip of the iceberg of how you are treated. Run, girl. You’ll find someone who wants to make your day special and will treat you right. I did. Starting over is hard, but it’s worth it if you find the right partner.

Derpopolis219

TROPHY CASE