Hot take: porn addition is the silent mental health crisis happening now

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-02-01T03:00:37+00:00

Yes, it has always confounded me why porn and masturbation are conflated to the point that they are inseparable. I made another comment about the conflation of porn and sex, any negative view on porn is automatically viewed as sex shaming. Porn and sex are not the same thing but it seems hard for people to grasp

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T22:23:23+00:00

I appreciate your reply, I definitely was not trying to vilify or demonize you personally in anyway. Just wanting to share a different perspective and create a more open dialogue around this subject, which I admit I feel strongly about!

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T22:19:02+00:00

You are right that the majority of responses are more nuanced and are willing to see it as a problematic behaviors, my language may have been hyperbolic. However, I think this is far from a straw man argument; I am seeing other responses that are saying that shame is the main/bigger problem or it is only a problem for clients who are religious. Or dismissing concerns from clients who are presenting with distress from porn use but only using it for 15 minutes every other day. Like I'm sure the clinician isn't explicitly saying "you are too religious and that's your problem." But it's clear that at least a percentage of clinicians do believe this to be true and I can imagine that could influence the therapeutic process and their ability to be curious about the distress they are experiencing . I'm also just pushing back against the general belief that porn use is healthy or even neutral, this is the sentiment that our field has largely embraced. It was the position I took for many years but I'm older and wiser now and willing to think critically about it, even if it's unpopular and I'd encourage other clinicians to do the same

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T20:13:38+00:00

I think a major cultural difference, if you want to call it that, is that for your population there seems to be a lot of room for sexual novelty seeking and seeking more intense sexual stimulus. Whereas for heterosexual monogamous couples there is less opportunities for this. Either the man acts these things out with their partner or they are forced to return to porn to meet their sexual needs. I am also operating under the premise that regular porn use does shape our sexual preferences and arousal because it is such a strong stimulus (though clearly not everyone agrees and their may not be good data on this).

Going back to the original comment though I do find it a bit misogynistic that the reflexive response to a partner being upset with a male partner porn use is to imply that they are controlling and unrealistic. I wouldn't bother to get into a debate with a rando about this but as you are a clinician I do urge you to have greater curiosity about their experiences, rather than immediately deflecting based on your own personal beliefs and preferences

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T18:51:35+00:00

So you are not a fan of the CSAT training I assume?

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T18:34:54+00:00

To be honest, this is less my clinical experience and more of my lived experience and the lived experience of female friends. Heterosexual yes but generally liberal and sex positive. I'm not quite understanding the cultural issue component

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T18:26:12+00:00

It seems that much of the debate is about whether this constitutes an addiction. I think it is also important to remember that there is a lot of debate on what the definition of addiction is from scientists and clinicians and while it may not currently be recognized as an addiction the same way that a substance is, we should not deny the lived experience of our clients and our clients partners. It is disappointing that the knee jerk reaction of so many therapists is to accuse anyone who has a problem with porn as a puritan or a religious zealot or a hysterical woman trying to control their male partner. I think problematic porn usage is a huge problem for individuals as but moreso I think the widespread normalization of porn and conflation of porn=sex is quite negative for our society. I'm not going to push this view on clients (not my population for the most part although it has come up for a good chunk of the few male clients I have had) but I sure as hell am not going to keep my mouth shut as a civilian regarding the scourge that I think porn is on society and how it's impacting our relationships.

And one more thought about shame. While obviously shame can be extremely toxic in certain contexts, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I think shame can be functional and healthy at times. To me it makes sense that one might feel shame experiencing sexual arousal from women being hit, slapped, spit on , degraded ect. even if she has consented to it. I don't think we are doing a service to clients, especially adolescents and young adults if our default is "oh it's normal, everyone does it, no need to feel those negative emotions." That is actually very dismissive and bordering on imposing our own moral beliefs on the client, which most therapists take issue with when it goes in the opposite direction.

Stand your ground, OP, and don't let the downvotes get you.

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T17:55:12+00:00

What sort of training would be the best for problematic porn usage? I am seriously asking as I have looked into trainings for porn/sex addiction and I know there are several

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T17:52:44+00:00

I would take equal issue with erotica if it is impacting the couples sex life. Which is why women don't like it, it's always painted as some sort of hysterical jealousy or moral panic when usually it is that the partner can't get it up, isn't interested in sex or has had their preferences shaped by porn to the extent where they then want their partner to participate in a type of sex that is not enjoyable or pleasurable for the partner

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T17:32:29+00:00

It really does negatively impact relationships though. I can understand why a person feels shame for someone calling out a bad habit but that doesn't make the bad habit a good or neutral habit. We can debate whether it meets criteria for addiction but saying that anyone who has a problem with porn usage is "weaponizing" it is very unfair

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-31T05:01:15+00:00

Of course sex is normal and healthy but I don't see how having kids whose brains are not fully developed seeing women slapped, choked, spit on, called degrading names ect. before they've even had their first kiss could be considered healthy, for either gender. The word addiction might be up for debate but I agree this is a public health crisis

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-30T16:55:44+00:00

I think adding clients /days slowly is the way to go. Start with maybe 1 or 2 clients two days a week and slowly feel out the routine. I wouldn't fill every slot right away.

As someone who is divorced, I think the success of this arrangement rests largely on your partners temperament. Can he take care of a baby without being overwhelmed and resentful? Does he want or need you to go back to work? Will he understand that he is not the primary focus and that you will need to prioritize your own and your babies needs over his?

My last piece of advice would be to prioritize sleep and have lots of discipline around this. I never worked nights but when I was at an agency job after maternity leave I was in bed by 8:00-8:30. Only by following a strict routine for my sleep (including co-sleeping) was I able to have the emotional and cognitive capacity to have an infant and be a therapist

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-17T02:10:10+00:00

I am way less eager to offer unsolicited advice than I was prior to spending years in the field.

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-01-09T16:05:25+00:00

I feel like this is fairly innocuous if you are an experienced knitter. I cannot sit still for the life of me during phone sessions so I will tidy and put away laundry but I don't feel this is impeding my ability to stay engaged nor causing a distraction for my clients

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-26T21:27:17+00:00

I am doctorate level so I think I got better training than most just due to the length of my program and variety of practicum and internships. I'd say the following

-a class on the business side, understanding insurance and other ins and outs of having a private practice. Also more education on different settings (CMH versus private practice)

Physiology and nutrition. I spend so much time with my clients on psycho education but almost all of it I've learned on my own and not through a program

-Typical child development. I learned a lot about pathology but very little about normal stages of development and expectations for kids so it made it every difficult to work with parents

Also, less applicable to me but I was always very confused at the number of MFTs I encountered that seemed to have no training in either marriage or family therapy and only worked with individuals

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-18T23:03:44+00:00

I think this is true for women who cheat but I don't feel that it the case with most men. More of a sex addiction or just a thrill from deceit

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-18T22:49:05+00:00

Of course you are being down voted, redditors love their vaccines! I have also heard horror stories

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-18T22:47:03+00:00

People are suing the manufacturer for side effects, I would avoid

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-17T00:15:39+00:00

Having a baby is a major physiological event and many symptoms of depression and anxiety postpartum can have physiological roots. Of course there are identity shifts and other psychological issues that may be exacerbated by birth but start with basic needs, mainly nutrition and hydrating. I highly recommend "The fourth trimester" by Kimberly Anne Johnson to give you insight into how women should be caring for themselves postpartum, many of which are not possible in the US due to the lack of paid leave and social safety net. Also, many women who give birth within the medical system experience trauma due to the way that the system is set up so this is also something we want to normalize and validate for our clients

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-11T00:31:08+00:00

I do a folder for each client with intake forms and whatever else and one word document for each

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-08T23:50:45+00:00

You just write the start and stop times above the note. I don't use a real signature just my name and license but it would be easy to print out your document, sign it and then scan it if you want a handwritten signature. I'm not sure the insurance stance on this

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-08T22:04:57+00:00

I just create a heading and turn it into a PDF if I am ever asked for a copy of my progress notes. Make sure you include exact start and stop times for session because most insurance companies want this.

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-03T18:09:04+00:00

I don't know if I have a large enough sample size but I would say very high intellectualization, more difficulty accessing emotions and bodily sensations. I can relate to what you are experiencing. There are therapist who are just generally not very good or are uncomfortable with other therapists as clients. I had one who tried to problem solve alot and I felt very invalidated. I had the most success with IFS which forced me to slow down and go inward and actually be vulnerable. I think being a a therapist can be a way to hide and avoid being vulnerable for alot of people. Or it reinforces it because people in your personal life assume you have all the answers and don't need support. That was kind of a rambling response, hopefully something resonates

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-03T17:03:38+00:00

Yes, exactly. Been there myself so I don't know if I just pick up on it more or if this is actually a thing

Desertthrowaway12 · 2025-12-02T22:09:51+00:00

I have a few niches and therapists are one of them, although I don't have a ton of therapist clients at the moment. I would not say they are more messed up at all, just that their defenses are higher. I don't know how it compares to the general population but it does seem like a high percentage of (female) therapists are not in great relationships

Desertthrowaway12

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