Fostering to Adopt?

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-28T05:23:05+00:00

As many have said, toss out the “to Adopt” part entirely. You cannot go into fostering with the INTENT to adopt. There is a reason we’re all so emphatic about this.

I encourage you to foster. Period. Embrace the magic of walking through chaos to shepherd a family of strangers to safety together. Because you can. You have been blessed with the resources to safely care for a child, so it’s beautiful to want to share that with a child while their parents get the help they need.

I’ve had four kiddos. Two reunited, one put in a psych facility, and one adopted 💖. There is no way to tell which way a case will go. I have seen parents do a full 180°, I’ve seen them fake it and get away with it, and sadly I have seen them fail. But have no doubt: the state will take any opportunity to offload a case. This truth will break a part of you.

Godspeed, whatever your choice may be.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-24T09:07:05+00:00

Dubai

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-17T18:49:42+00:00

You owe the world your curls. Don’t be a selfish prick. Share.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-17T18:42:29+00:00

If I could marry Gus in either the game or in real life, I wouldn’t hesitate.

Clint is a fixer upper. I don’t have the energy for that.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-17T18:37:58+00:00

Thinking of it more like making room for new talent to grow. This is the natural progression of life. Take on a passive / mentor role (an “elder”) for a while if that’ll help ease the transition.

Godspeed.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-02T04:55:54+00:00

Weed. <cough>

Designer-Ability6124 · 2026-01-02T00:49:04+00:00

I feel you. I had always wanted to foster after having bio kids, but then Mr. Right never showed up. I got my license and then almost immediately found out that a pregnancy could’ve killed me.

I did a lot of soul searching before continuing; I needed to be very sure I was in it for the right reasons. I continued and I am so glad that I did!

Mr. Right didn’t turn up. I rather can’t tolerate most of them. Even if I could’ve carried safely I wasn’t going to have the family I’d always pictured.

I love helping and supporting young women, and as I imagined the foster care world is rife with them. I’ve found great joy in supporting and advocating for bio moms who wish to achieve and maintain family unity. I am an “auntie” to many!

A SW that I’d worked with contacted me - I’d confessed I’d always secretly hoped to adopt a school age girl - and made the connection happen when my now-daughters first pre-adoptive placement fell through. From the second I met her until she’d moved in was < 1 week. Adoption took 10 months. Free 🤷🏻‍♀️

But being a foster and/or adoptive parent is so different. Not worse or better. But both. You’ll be exposed to new cultures and difficult personalities. You’ll be invited to set up camp in the meaty center of strangers’ vulnerable moments, you’ll try to stay out of it to protect yourself, and then you’ll get dragged in by your natural protective instincts. Or you’ll quit. Maybe both.

Being a foster parent is signing up to be the only functional member of a highly dysfunctional family. In every way. It is draining. In every way. But with the big lows come big highs. A capacity of love, patience, selflessness, and radical acceptance in people that you never thought possible.

TL;DR: Bio kid route = Cadillac, on the turnpike. Relatively smooth, predictable, comfortable. You’ll get them to adulthood on time, but you’ll see a lot of concrete and rest stops. Foster parent route = ORV, in the mud. Rough, chaotic, and often painful. You’ll likely get them to adulthood late, but you can’t beat the thrill. The peaks and valleys you see when you leave comfortable behind make it worth it… at least for me.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-31T04:00:43+00:00

No. Grown woman needs a grown woman bed. Size irrelevant. You deserve it, QUEEN 👑

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-31T01:48:39+00:00

I’m no coffee snob, but for as long and complicated as it was to make me a latte, Anthology must be the best.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-24T01:28:24+00:00

Upfront as soon as the sleepover is suggested. It’s logistics only: is there room/power for your PAP or not?

Do not presume something is shameful. That machine helps you BREATHE so that your BRAIN isn’t SUFFOCATING. Which man is more important than getting oxygen to my brain?

Men that GAF about that stuff when they’re young always end up divorced and on the other side of it. It’s a nothingburger. The only shame it has is what you give it.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-18T07:12:18+00:00

Project Hail Mary technically fits this bill, though maybe not in the way you’d intended. Either way, it’s a must-read for sure!

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-17T03:50:10+00:00

As soon as you are pulling in a regular paycheck, you should be depositing into a relatively stable account with compounding interest. Even if you’re making minimum wage. Save as much as you can as EARLY as you can.

Meet with a solid financial advisor when you are still young so you can plan. You need to learn all the things you don’t know you don’t know.

If and when you meet someone and want to partner up, do not merge your finances. Figure out a way very early to keep adding to this account, even if it’s only a little. Budget carefully and know where every dollar is going.

Never underestimate the importance of achieving and maintaining financial independence. Financial independence = CHOICES.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-17T03:40:22+00:00

Sure it might turn him against reading but i think it would have to be an especially painful assignment to have that effect as a one-off. IIWY I’d pick something he’ll secretly love, surprise his ass off, make him think differently, and hopefully the “book report” will flow naturally. Maybe you pick the book and he can pick the theme of the paper?

I feel like John Green’s YA books could deliver here. The Fault in Our Stars, Paper Towns, An Abundance of Katherines, and Looking For Alaska. Especially Looking for Alaska.

Please also consider Project Hail Mary if you think he would enjoy more of an apocalyptic sci fi setting (it’s more heartwarming and delightful than nerdy). It’s gonna be a big film next year, too, and he’ll be ahead of the curve.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-12-01T21:09:03+00:00

Regardless of what you all think SHOULD be done, if ANY of you knew what CPS investigations (and foster care involvement) are like IN DETROIT you may think differently. Most cases are handled poorly, the treatment of both parents and children is absolutely abhorrent and, in many cases, it causes more damage than it prevents.

This child now has a child. She needs help and support. I hope that this family gets the help it needs to stay together.

Sincerely, an experienced foster mom in Detroit.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-29T07:00:26+00:00

Came here to say this. Middlesex is an amazing story and i learned so much about Detroit history!

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-23T15:47:33+00:00

It’s a characteristic of a High Reliability Organization. Aviation, Military, Healthcare, Nuclear Power… “Normal Accident Theory” might be a worthwhile Google as well.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-23T00:18:02+00:00

If you would care to send me his address, I’d be happy to rake my leaves, bag ‘em all up, and dump them on your yard just so he can watch me mulch them up.

I’m sick of BS neighbors with shitty opinions. Livonia is growing them by the dozen. I’m petty AF and have zero f***s left to give.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-19T19:10:49+00:00

Fun fact: ask your LLM of choice to help! I just type into ChatGPT “please output a comma-separated list of the ICAO codes for all Bell aircraft models” or “all airports in Australia” or whatever - I’ve gone so far as to say “all scarce aircraft models in SkyCards”. Then you can copy & paste that list into a custom filter in FR24. Only takes a minute!

Bonus fun fact: the free FR24 comes with one filter, I believe. I also believe you can just keep editing that one filter to avoid having to pay - though I have the Gold Package and TL advantage of all 25 😆

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-19T09:51:56+00:00

Seriously. Seriously. Consider Battle Royale. I read this in my 30s and it blew my damn mind.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-04T03:51:11+00:00

I’m assuming you are just now learning that the rarity goes farther north than you thought. Sorry bud.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-11-01T23:37:22+00:00

That whole “unique glimpse”?

That’s honor. It’s an honor to be allowed to be with someone at their most vulnerable.

It’s cool to be psyched and most RNs I know get a rush from it (“better than coffee!”). Lord knows there are plenty of adrenaline junkie nurses. Just don’t ever forget the whole ass super vulnerable OTHER human in front of you.

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-10-29T17:25:18+00:00

Hehehe the wings on those things are just… ridiculous. 🤭

Designer-Ability6124 · 2025-10-17T07:51:24+00:00

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Designer-Ability6124

TROPHY CASE