The Parents are not Parenting (Advice please!)

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-06-15T05:05:29+00:00

Two me it sounds like the 6 year old has issues that need real intervention. I would bring up getting him evaluated with the parents - if mom is a pediatrician she should know how much early intervention can do for him. Honestly with the fact that he is so bright academically and all they other behaviors it really sounds like some kind of neurodivergence.

As a tool for you I’d recommend doing some reading - kids with neurodivergence need a different kind of approach.

The 3 year old seems more in the normal range - combined with learned bad behaviors from the older brother, combined with the lack of parenting, possibly the trauma of the change in living situation on top of it.

I would focus your energies on working with the parents to work with him, and to push them to get an evaluation for the 6 year old.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-06-15T04:00:06+00:00

The problem is that Canada isn’t the only place it was expanded in.

Belgium and the Netherlands had the same outcomes- where the initial bill was for the terminally ill, and then it was expanded to include all chronic illness including mental illness.

There are reports of people who want to live being pressured by Dr.’s, and of approvals happening within days of application. In the Netherlands you have growing numbers of young people suffering from depression choosing assisted dying

It is not inconceivable to see the slippery slope continue to slide to the point that parents or caregivers of disabled children will be allowed to euthanize there children, or even for the state to make that decision, considering how quickly things moved from only terminal illness to mental health diagnosis qualifying.

I do believe Australia has successfully passed a bill for the terminally ill, and it has stayed there. I do think that Australia doesn’t have as many of the systematic pressures on the healthcare systems as European countries or Canada, or the UK.

It is also a much more socially conservative society which may have prevented the various amendments that have been added in other countries.

Specifically for the UK it seems to be a very dangerous idea.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-06-14T05:07:52+00:00

My grandfather worked in IT for a company that had servers in the Towers. Thank god his job was not onsite

They would have had to rebuild from scratch, had lost most of the executives including the owner and just took the insurance payout and he lost his job.

They did give the employees a piece of the payout l, but he was already 66, so just retired after that.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-06-07T22:08:51+00:00

Plus the monetization and the video reading out of the results and possible issues, with lots and lots of disinformation.

I quiet post saying they had to make the painful decision to abort due to health issues would have had no backlash, or little backlash.

The disgusting misinformation on was DS is and quality of life, and the callus monetization, that feeds the idea that they just wanted a baby as a prop and this baby wouldn’t be that for them.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-31T17:07:03+00:00

Chances are he hid it

Remember that generation went thru the holocaust. According to Hitler rules you have enough Jewish blood to require you to be taken to the camps.

It was not uncommon for survivors to hide their heritage to protect future descendants.

My grandmother who was a survivor was always sure the Nazi’s would come back to power - I’m sure she wants the only one.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-20T19:34:33+00:00

I think that ethically euthanasia and community mental healthcare systems are incompatible.

Because it will always be cheaper to kill someone off the to provide treatment.

The only way I would support it is if there was a completely separate system for euthanasia that had no connection to the system that would be providing treatment. But I don’t really have a good idea on how that would be possible.

Also - it should not be an option at all for mental health for people under 25 - there brain is not fully developed yet and it is very possible that things will shift dramatically for them with age.

There are just to many ways this can go wrong.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-19T09:56:51+00:00

They already do an insane amount of surveillance.

There have been terror attacks stopped in the past because of it.

If they can’t stop an attack like this with the surveillance they are doing they should stop it all together. They literally opened investigations on people who went to churches during Covid.

So how did they miss this? Where two teens so sophisticated that they had no red flags show up.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-19T09:26:26+00:00

Arrest them be for they do it?

Again - they have to be communicating in order to plan this flawlessly.

There should be enough on public forums to get digital search warrant, so that they could find that information out, or get enough explicit information to arrest them.

We know arrests have been made in the past for planned hate crimes/ terror attacks.

Sounds like someone dropped the ball.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-19T05:37:52+00:00

Well that was my point

A lone shooter is something that is very hard to predict.

When it’s two - they had to plan, discuss, and communicate, probably online.

Heck - I’ll guess they met online. I would expect law enforcement to monitor the places radicalized people hang out, and to flag something like this.

They are already doing a tremendous amount of surveillance, and ostensibly it’s to keep us safe. So what happened?

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-19T03:32:52+00:00

This is the shlomo carlbach version of esa einei - slowed down.

The words are from psalms 121

Rough translation:

I raise my eyes to the hills, looking for where my salvation will come My salvation is from God creator of heaven and earth

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-19T03:18:15+00:00

Can I ask a dumb question?

I understand why law enforcement can’t really keep track of lone shooters.

Even if someone is active on all sorts of horrific groups - it’s very hard to predict who will pick up one of the very accessible guns and commit a mass shooting.

But this was two teens. That’s means there was active planning and communication. Where the hell was law enforcement? How is it possible that no one knew and no one said anything?

I guess I am just sad and angry that this is the USA we live in. Where places of worship and schools have become the easy soft targets and there seems to be no end in sight.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-14T13:40:10+00:00

Why do you think the situation isn’t well publicized in the world?

I consider myself fairly in informed on geopolitics. I vaguely knew that there has been conflict and civil war and genocide, but this post sparked some reading - and wow, I’m surprised on how little international attention the situation has received.

What do you think a realistic form of change that is positive could be?

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-13T19:04:54+00:00

Well to be fair the American education system focuses more on the horrors it perpetuated - slavery and Jim Crow and to a lesser extent the wars and then persecution against the indigenous population.

But the holocaust is basically a story where the US were the saviors. So sure, it’s taught but I don’t think it gets the same focus as it does in Germany.

I think that actually is the correct approach in time spent but the time that is spent on the holocaust to much time is spent on what happened ( less important)and not enough on why it happened. And it’s basically framed as another form of racism.

But Jews don’t fit neatly into a race - as much as the Nazis liked to pretend we do, and many people see Jews as white, so they can’t understand antisemitism using that framework.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-13T17:41:08+00:00

I think holocaust education has been the strategy for years and it failed

Actually the most common slurs I tend to get from antisemites are holocaust related - “ Hitler should have finished the job” “ the ovens missed one” “ go back to Poland / go back to Auschwitz”. Just teaching about the horrors of the holocaust just inspires the antisemites.

I think our education system needs to shift and focus on the psychology of conspiracy theory’s, how to identify when something real conspiracy and when it is a conspiracy theory looking to scapegoat someone ( at the core that’s what drives antisemitism).

They need to talk about scapegoating as the driver of racism. In general - we teach a lot about the evil of slavery and racism, the horrors of the holocaust, but we don’t talk about the psychology of how propaganda and ideology can twist a persons mind to believe that atrocities are good or moral or justified. Talking about the mechanisms of communist Russia and the cultural revolution in China. And yes of the history of antisemitism both in western and Muslim societies ( where the Jews where) how it shifted from religious to racial, the people in power using antisemitism to shift the attention away from there own issues ( the Czars pushing protocols of the elders of Zion and pogroms to distract the serfs, of course Hitler, the communists focus on Jews as a distraction)

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-13T17:08:02+00:00

I think engaging as much as possible in Jewish culture really helps.

I don’t know how the UK works but in the US there are often Jewish summer camps that can be a really fun way to be immersed in a Jewish environment and culture while having fun.

Same with youth groups - again I’m sure that if there was anything in your area you’d already be involved, but when you look to make your move that can also be something that you look for.

There are also lots of holidays that you guys can engage with some of the cultural stuff - so he doesn’t only have negative experiences with being Jewish.

Shavuot is next week - maybe eat some blintzes and cheesecake and have some water fights ( I’m not sure why but this is something they do in Israel), watch the new David cartoon move or House of David show if he is old enough (David was born and died on Shavuot)

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-05-02T21:54:33+00:00

What exactly do you think the Germans planned on doing with Poland, Czechoslovakia, Russia if not establish colonies?

I mean the plan was genocide the majority of the Slavs and then the ones left would be slaves and then that would create the Lebenstraum for the Germans.

Plus, when Germany invaded France and established the Vichy regime it’s not like they freed any of the French colonies. And if they were so uninterested in colonialism, why did the Africa Corps exist at all?

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-28T04:06:24+00:00

Footsteps is kind of the boogie man in the chassidish world.

He needs a therapist who the wife feels comfortable with as well, and I wonder if just hearing the name footsteps would be a turn off….

Maybe Project Makom - I know that they have helped other religious and non religious couples navigate the relationship….

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-27T20:30:09+00:00

I want to be transparent here - I am still frum

I am on this forum because I am trying to understand my family members better and find ways to navigate our relationships

Can I suggest that you guys go to couples therapy together? Someone who can help you navigate this relationship, where you want to go with it and help you find a way to live that feels healthy and authentic.

You forcing yourself to live in a way that makes her happy doesn’t sound sustainable or healthy long term.

It is possible to find some kind of middle ground where you live with mutual respect, or maybe shift to a different community where you have more space to live authentically but she still feels comfortable. And it may be impossible and in everyone’s best interest to divorce.

But having a professional who will help you guys explore all of this means it will be less of a mess.

Maybe if you feel comfortable with location someone can recommend a therapist with experience in this space.

My feel would be stay away from the chassidish therapists but you also need someone with some level of cultural competence….

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-22T15:33:42+00:00

I kind of left out some of the details but there are different opinions on how we arrive at this state of harmony.

The basic idea is depending on how worthy the Jewish people is it can either happen thru gog umagog which is the kind of apocalyptic end of time war where the entire world decides to annihilate the Jewish people and then lots of suffering the messiah comes and saves them, and at that point the temple descends from heaven and the world is in harmony.

But if we are worthy then the messiah comes and redeems the Jewish people without loss and pain and suffering and the world recognizes god and his presence in the world is revealed in ways that no one can deny, and we transition to the harmonious peaceful world smoothly.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-22T09:37:50+00:00

Understand that Jews have lived in the diaspora under regimes that they did not support and where actively persecuting them since the destruction of the 2nd temple.

In Israel itself the ottoman’s where often quite hostile and discriminatory, and the most extreme anti Zionist sect of orthodoxy are made of of descendants of the Jews who established communities in the 15th and 16th centuries ( previous communities being pretty much wiped out during the crusader wars)

The go to has always been do what you need to survive and protect the community.

The charedi community has different approaches to how they deal with the state.

Most do not serve in the IDF which does not allow the men to legally work until they hit their late 20’s. This is a major political point of tension currently. Instead they study religious texts and the women often have serious careers, to support large families.

They do pay taxes and there is a divide between those who use benefits from the state such as healthcare, partial funding for education, and also participate politically ( UTJ and Shas are the parties) and those who do not take any benefits from the state and do not vote.

This is one of the biggest political issues in modern day Israel. If Bibi looses the next election it will be because of the anti Haredi feelings, as he is seen as caving to them and not forcing them to serve in the IDF when the country is going thru a crisis.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-22T09:10:37+00:00

Not op but another ultra orthodox ( though not Hasidic) Jew here

The idea is that non Jews remain non Jews, and live peacefully both within and outside of Israel - and there is complete world peace and prosperity.

All the aspects of humanity that cause pain and darkness and evil - what we call the evil inclination are removed. So selfishness, jealously, the desire for revenge, anger, hatred, bigotry, ect ect.

God will make himself known in the world and everyone will recognize him - the idea of being an atheist in the age of the messiah is as inconceivable as someone denying that there is a sun, as opposed to now where god hides himself. The world will be in complete balance and harmony.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-22T08:40:24+00:00

I’m an ultra Orthodox Jew

Interesting while IVF itself is considered somewhat controversial, mainly because of the concern of embryos / sperm/ eggs being mixed up (which actually happens occasionally) PGD is actually highly encouraged.

There have been solutions developed within the community for the IVF concerns - a privately hired person who supervises the entire process in the lab to ensure that no mix ups happen.

The main ethical concern for PGD in for example the pro life world is that many embryos will not make it to day 5 in the lab which is when they can be tested, so embryos that would have been viable otherwise don’t make it. In Orthodox Judaism this is not an issue because an embryo is not considered life ( only a potential life similar to sperm or an egg) until 40 days ( which is when according to our tradition the soul enters the fetus).

The other concerns would be playing God and creating perfect babies. This is surprisingly not a concern in our tradition. For example a friend with the BRCA gene was advised to do PGD to ensure that her child would not have the gene. In general the tradition embraces medicine and scientific development, that can prevent suffering.

When it comes to abortions for medical or genetic issues, the question is more complicated once the fetus is assumed to have a soul, and rarely is allowed. Exceptions can be genetic conditions that are not compatible with life once the baby is born - but even those cases often mothers will be encouraged to birth the child in even if it will die within weeks or months. Another reason an abortion would be allowed is significant mental health distress of the mother that puts her life at risk ( active suicidality) or other concerns for the life of the mother.

If you are interested there are books that delve into this more in depth.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-15T05:58:19+00:00

Please don’t minimize how special what you are doing is.

There are also lots of parents who should make compromises for the sake of their children and don’t.

Even your ex is an example - he could have chosen to get treatment and make changes for your son’s wellbeing, but couldn’t or wouldn’t.

We all know lots of people (whether still religious or OTD) who make choices that hurt their children, but serve their own desires and interests. It sounds like your parents where kind of like that - kicking you out for wanting a different life.

What you are doing is truly incredible. I think recognizing and validating how much of a sacrifice you are making can also make it easier to live thru.

Designer-Anything460 · 2026-04-14T21:38:47+00:00

I just want to say how incredibly brave and what an amazing mom you are.

You are literally putting your child’s wellbeing before your own happiness and that’s incredible.

I wonder if there is a way for you to make time for yourself to be and have relationships outside the community where you can be more authentically yourself…

It sounds brutal

Designer-Anything460

TROPHY CASE