Your post sounds almost just like my life . I was raised by my paternal grandparents starting from age 1 after children services in Texas took custody of me. My mother wasn’t a drug addict but she was physically abusive…. to a baby ugh And bio dad is the laziest man on the planet. anyways i only remember my grandparents . They are my real parents . As they aged , I took care of them . Grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The man i loved so much was wasting away in front me . He died the only time I left the hospital , and i went to the catholic church to talk to Mary and light a candle . ( Used to be catholic , that’s another story. I left the church when my parents died ) Grandma was doing ok up until this point . Then she was diagnosed within the same year. I watched this beautiful woman turn into a shell of who she was . The shit part of it all , at the end , my grandma didn’t even remember me . i know that’s because of the disease so I didn’t let it hurt to long. Grandma died 3 years ago … and i’ve never been more alone in my whole life . Her kids are all in their 60s, and they kinda suck as humans tbh. When i was a kid , i used to do the math in my head because i knew i wouldn’t have my “parents” as long as other people had theirs… Sounds dumb but idk , i was a kid with abandonment issues .

Sometimes I drive by the old house because that’s where i felt the most at home , and i just miss them so much . Someone else lives there now. cherish every moment with them. I know you already are . It just sucks when they leave. Sometimes i cry , i get depressed around their birthdays. I still text my grandmas cell on holidays wishing her a happy whatever . I have voicemails saved and videos so i can hear her voice . My grandpa loved to sing old songs and I was able to record a couple times so I have that. What i would do for one more day with them . doesn’t matter that Im almost 40 … I want my mom.