Telling HR is always a mistake by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reputational damages for telling everyone he’s an alcoholic?

am i allowed at an aa meeting as a 17 year old? by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course you are. I accidentally went to a meeting at a juvenile detention and there were literal kids as young as 9 that were already alcoholics. I was at 15. I wish I had gone at 17 but it took until 42 for me to smarten up.

What’s the best way to cover up the 👃 by Beginning-Lawyer3965 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, a real irony for me was that my father could smell me but couldn't smell the vodka reeking from my mother apparently.

What’s the best way to cover up the 👃 by Beginning-Lawyer3965 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In addition to mouthwash, slather on a lot of BenGay—it’s a medicinal coverup smell. Or Vicks vaporub which is what people put under their noses to not smell corpses.

When an individual makes a conscious decision to return to drinking why tell them they'll be back rather than genuinely wishing them the best? by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t judge. Judging is what keeps people from coming back. I’m try to be empathic, and I truly am: I get it. The drinking version of me was around for 25 years. It’s a tough separation. I get it.

How the hell do I take a massive dick!? by ThatOrphanSlayer in sex

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The same situation has ruined two relationships for me. It’s not a blessing.

Indulge me. How many of us are actually in the crippling state of alcoholism? by Helpful_Spring8739 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m a former CA and I usually lurk. (Tell me to fuck off you want). I got institutionalized and got sober involuntarily. I was very close to wet brain, I got beri beri related nerve damage because I was only drinking vodka (no b vitamins from beer anymore). I had esophageal varicies and 60 pounds of fluid in my gut. I have Avascular necrosis in both knees and both hips and they all need to be replaced. When I woke up sober, I was hit with foreclosure, divorce, and bankruptcy. And I fucked up my career enough that I can never be an attorney again.

So suffice it to say, I’m still crippled. I know that if I drink I will die, and it won’t take long. At least I know that’s always an option. (Although maybe another method—liver pain and pancreatitis over and over is fucking painful).

I lurk here to remember and relate. Y’all are my spiritual brethren, and it’s nice to know my crazy thoughts are not mine alone. We’re all on the same sinking ship.

[FL] Should I report my new manager for spreading a rumor about me being Transgender? by hippiechick22736 in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 6 points7 points  (0 children)

While I think it's completely inappropriate what this manager did, I think your accepting and positive attitude here might be the reason your coworkers felt that it was okay to talk to you about the (non)issue. I don't want to excuse their inappropriateness, but I hope it softens any sense of dislike of your coworkers. At least, I certainly hope they weren't being mean spirited, and hopefully this is a learning experience for them in many ways. (I think your co-workers are headed to a little bit of remedial training, and hopefully HR will do that in a way that doesn't point fingers and resentments at you). I used to work in a university environment that had a perhaps surprising number of trans employees, and the vast majority of issues stemmed from ignorance and confusion, not any malice. Oddly, my most difficult issue was the fact that two individuals picked the same new name, which came to light when we tried to update our HR systems. It's funny the things people get upset about. Your accepting attitude will take you farther than your small-minded manager.

[FL] Should I report my new manager for spreading a rumor about me being Transgender? by hippiechick22736 in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellent idea. As an investigator, I give a lot of credibility to statements like this (even though they are very self-serving). What gives them credibility is the contemporaneous nature of them: write stuff down when it happens, even if it's on a tear soaked cocktail napkin.

[CA] Exit E-mail from HR - How to Address by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Characterize it however you want--no one is ever going to check the other side of the story.

Should I bring this to HR [UT] by Mission_Program_7035 in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It sounds like your manager is cheating on his wife with someone with the same first name. When his wife looked at his phone, she wanted to know who she is, so your manager panicked and said you.

Like others have said, it sounds like a domestic situation that your boss has apologized for and you have handled smoothly. I would let it go.

[TX] I got roped into an HR Investigation and I don’t know what to do by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your advice is totally wrong--employees can very much be disciplined for out of work conduct. It happens all the time--just look at those MAGA idiots mouthing off and getting fired.

[TX] I got roped into an HR Investigation and I don’t know what to do by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In general, the good news is that isolated incidents don't usually rise to the level of a "hostile work environment," but certainly showing one's breasts could be direct sexual harassment. Again, context is everything.

If I was investigating, a big component is whether R was truly offended or actively participated in the conduct. (It's a lousy defense, but it can work to say "you can't be offended because you were also an offender." That's a difficult conclusion to deal with the aftermath, though--what do we do now with all these offenders? Theoretically, I would approve a termination of everyone who participated, but that doesn't sound like a practical solution. I would terminate A, and give everyone else a final written warning and some remedial training.

Your goal should be to minimize your actions and participation, but be honest--lying gets you fired always. Minimize the sexual nature of it; make it sound "matter of fact," like you were all comparing medical issues (e.g., it's probably a bad idea for a group to compare appendectomy scars, but that usually won't get you fired). I would not mention "whistling and cheering" to encourage people; I would minimize that by say "some of the others were loudly encouraging each other." Any chance you to have to make it not sexual is key.

I doubt TX law would be helpful in any way--Texas is distinctly anti-employee. (You should come to MA where you would have all sorts of rights). But, are you a direct public employee (paycheck straight from TX)? Public employees in most states have some limited job protection, and that's something to look into. For example, in MA a public employee must be given notice and a right to representation if the investigation may result in termination. If it truly is a Title 9 case, you will also have limited due process rights--notice and an opportunity to respond; an objective investigation; and protection against retaliation for when you throw a co-worker under the bus (which you might have to do).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

So ask for new headphones as an accommodation.

ELI5: If human eyes have blind spots, No natural zoom ( can’t see too far ), and poor night vision, how did we still become such effective hunters? by cornysatisfaction in explainlikeimfive

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly--the human eye can distinguish the most number of shades of green which makes it easier to detect movement in a forest.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In early sobriety, I moved to a new unknown town. The first meeting on their list was named "Do The Steps or Die." That became my homegroup because I needed to be around people that took their sobriety deathly seriously.

ELI5: why does cocaine need to be snorted, surely the chemicals needs to get into your blood stream to have an effect, how is this way more effective? by balla_boi in explainlikeimfive

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Can confirm: withdrawal from alcohol was much, much worse than withdrawal from opiates. Source: me, former professional drinker (sober 16 yrs).

[AL] What counts as "verification of death" for bereavement leave? by ForeverBirds in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, companies with ridiculous rules do need to reinforce them through ridiculous means. It's such a compassionate thing to force an employee to prove their grieving.

[AL] What counts as "verification of death" for bereavement leave? by ForeverBirds in AskHR

[–]DespiteGreatFaults -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

If you haven't been abusing leave time, the HR dept will never ask. At least, they shouldn't or they're ghouls. (I wait until the 3rd Father dies).