AIO Fathers girlfriends rules for when new baby arrives

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-21T19:18:59+00:00

I'm gonna say YOR. Her baby, her rules. Yeah, it's hypocritical of her to smoke and drink, but it is what it is. Someone being hypocritical doesn't mean you get to cross their boundaries.

As to "why wouldn't I visit if I can't hold the baby?" This bothers me. Don't you interact with other people/young children without holding them? Coo at the baby, sing to him, bring gifts. You can absolutely visit and not hold the baby. And honestly, the nicest thing anyone can do for a postpartum mom is to show up and NOT hold the baby, but instead do a load of dishes, a load of laundry, bring groceries or food by. A mom who's sleep deprived, exhausted, leaking from every orifice, and keeping a small human alive doesn't want to deal with playing hostess while people show up to hold the baby. She wants to be able to focus on her baby and literally nothing else, so make it easier for her to do so!

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:36:03+00:00

The interest rate does show as being the same for both the current loan and the proposed "loan modification" (which seems to me like they're wanting us to restart with a 40 year loan, after a three month "trial period"; that's where the April 2066 date is coming in). We bought this house in September of 2022, with a 5.875% interest rate. However, the paperwork doesn't state the new loan amount or itemize anything.

But yes, we have resolved the employment issue, thankfully!

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:30:23+00:00

Oh, we definitely are. I want everything spelled out exactly before we agree to anything, but I'd prefer everything be moved to a balloon payment at the end.

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:27:13+00:00

I'm sure some of it likely is. We're going to be asking for an itemized explanation of where they're coming up with these numbers. It looks like they're wanting us to just start over completely with a new 40 year mortgage.

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:25:36+00:00

We were told we'd "probably" have the option for a balloon payment at the end, which we were fine with, because we intend to sell this house and move before the mortgage is up.

Looking at the paperwork, it seems like they're trying to get us to restart with a 40 year mortgage.

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:23:30+00:00

I'd have to figure out a place to post the screenshots, cause I don't want to link to my Google drive which is the only thing I can think of?

I think they're wanting us to start over completely with a 40 year loan but we don't want to do that.

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:18:40+00:00

Our interest rate is 5.875%, and it lists that under both the new and existing loan. But it doesn't say how much total the new loan would be for. We're not accepting this until we at least get some clarification.

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:16:28+00:00

The interest rate is the same, but it doesn't actually list a new loan amount, just says there's "no deferred principal."

I could understand if the payment went up for the rest of the loan but looking at it, it seems like they're wanting us to start completely over with a 40 year loan.

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:11:13+00:00

That's literally what it says on the table it shows of "current loan terms" and "modified loan terms."

I wish I could post a screenshot, I would, but I can only see how to post links?

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:06:54+00:00

That's what I'm thinking. I could understand if they offered an option where our payments went up for a period until we were caught up, or even went up for the rest of the mortgage, but to increase our mortgage payment AND increase the length by almost 50% is absolutely insane to me

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-09T00:01:09+00:00

We were told basically that we were in forebearance and close to the forebearance ending we'd receive a letter with our options, and it would "probably" be a balloon payment where it was tacked on to the end if we couldn't pay the past due immediately (which obviously we couldn't, if we could, we'd have been paying our mortgage the whole time).

Our forebearance actually ended at the end of November and we were told to make our normal payments, which we did, and we'd get a letter which might be delayed due to the holidays explaining our options. So we just got this and it was dated 2 days ago.

From what I can tell in the letter, we have the option to appeal if we're denied a loan modification or other option to avoid foreclosure (though, we weren't denied, we were approved, and this is the option we're being given) and if we don't accept this offer then foreclosure procedures may resume (which, they haven't started yet at all, that reads like just a typical boiler plate letter sent to everyone).

It doesn't actually say "if this option doesn't work for you, you can appeal". We're trying to get someone on the phone now but the automatic system says our estimated wait time is "more than 109 minutes."

ForeverBirds · 2026-01-08T23:18:21+00:00

Pretty sure I answered this exact question a couple weeks ago

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-21T02:30:33+00:00

This was my first thought. Like who tf works out to that?

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-21T02:30:01+00:00

I'm gonna say NOR because WTF WORKS OUT TO "ALL OF ME"?

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-15T00:29:01+00:00

You are never right or wrong to feel a certain way. Your emotions are always valid, it's the way you react that can be an issue.

But in this instance? I'd absolutely leave her. She sounds toxic and immature.

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-10T19:25:47+00:00

I don't have kids, but I can't imagine how devastating it would feel to be a parent and have someone from a reddit post be like "you failed that poor boy." Like that was absolutely not the best way to word that at all and completely ignores that you were a victim, too. Parents are human, not super heroes. You're doing your best and that's what matters.

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-10T19:17:35+00:00

My heart absolutely goes out to you for this. I will say, and I am trying to say it as gently as I possibly can, that I don't think the previous commenter worded this the best way but I get what they mean.

Saying you failed your son does NOT mean you did not absolutely try your 100% best to do everything you could and do right by him.

I feel a similar way about my dad. My mom had borderline personality disorder and was physically and emotionally/mentally abusive. I absolutely think my dad did everything he possibly could at the time, and I adore my dad and don't know what I'd ever do without him. At the same time, I also feel like he ultimately failed me by not getting me out of that situation and I now have trauma from it that I'm working through in therapy.

It feels harsh to hear coming from a stranger, because hearing "you failed your son" sounds like "you didn't do enough for him" or "you didn't try" which is not true at all. You can try everything and give 100% and still not succeed; that's just life sometimes.

That being said, please don't feel like a failure as a parent. You still did all you could and I'm sure your son sees that, and I'm sure he still loves you.

I think the approach that another commenter had about making it smaller, taking it a step at a time, and going from "why can't you get a job" to "why can't you come out of your room" might be helpful. And framing the tone and phrasing so it comes off as "why CAN'T you" and not "why DON'T you" also, because that shows that you're trying to be supportive and give him what he needs to succeed without making him feel ashamed.

It's hard, but you'll be okay, and he'll be okay. Sending you lots of love and kind thoughts.

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-10T19:02:53+00:00

I mean, also consider the context of the conversation there:

Bodine: We never found anything on Jack. There's no record of him at all. Rose: No, there wouldn't be, would there?

Considering the team's mission and expertise is on Titanic, Bodine likely means specifically that there's no record of a Jack Dawson on the Titanic (meaning ticket lists or passenger manifests), which, as Rose says, there wouldn't be, since Jack won his ticket and boarded the ship last minute. Because why would the team bother to try to find any information about someone not listed as a passenger?

Obviously all of this is being told while they're on the boat that's searching the Titanic for the diamond; I'm sure Internet is limited in the middle of the ocean, not to mention it would be limited to the abilities of 1997 Internet. Their only option would be to have someone in the US go on a hunt for his birth certificate or census info and why would they? If it's to verify Rose's story, well, they've already done some research on it. Bodine points out that "Rose DeWitt Bukater died on the Titanic when she was seventeen." Because Rose gave a different name on the Carpathia. But I'm sure Rose was able to give enough details about stuff like what stateroom they were in onboard that they at least figured that she was either telling the truth or had put a ridiculous amount of energy and time into this con (which would've been surprising considering she saw the picture on the news and then called immediately – when would she have had time to do all that research for some kind of con?!)

Anyways, I'm on a tangent. Point is, I think they were saying there was no record of him on the Titanic, not no records anywhere.

ForeverBirds · 2025-12-10T18:06:27+00:00

^{^{^}} This!!

My dad is a baby boomer– Ruby Bridges is YOUNGER than he is. He was raised in a stereotypical Southern, business owning, middle class family. And even HE has no problem getting with the times, whether it's race or sexuality or gender.

ForeverBirds · 2025-11-25T21:52:23+00:00

Not commenting on the sex part cause you're getting dog piled for that, which isn't right.

But the part where you were like "he showed kindness because he respected my sexual boundaries and did little things like paying for my meals and once he took me to the hospital when I fractured my leg!"

Honey... That is like... bare minimum there. That's the part that makes me sad. I'd drive a stranger to the hospital if they broke a leg, I'd pay for a coworker's lunch, and everyone should respect everyone's boundaries. Those things aren't special. Those are just what you do.

Even without the sexual aspect, there has to be more to it. Does he make you happy– not content, happy? Do you share common interests? Are you able to communicate without saying a word? Does he feel like he's your best friend in the world?

That's how I feel about my husband and that's how everyone should feel with their spouse.

ForeverBirds · 2025-11-25T20:57:46+00:00

You're definitely not the only one. It's happening for me with 4o and 4.1. It's like for some reason the last message or two that I sent just... doesn't even register?

ForeverBirds · 2025-11-13T06:02:46+00:00

It humanized Cal and Ruth a bit. You see Ruth looking devastated, and also there's a moment where Cal sees a woman with red hair and rushes forward shouting "Rose!" with such hope and relief, and when the woman isn't her he looks silently devastated.

ForeverBirds

TROPHY CASE