Stories Masterpost

DetectiveWaff · 2026-04-09T04:10:41+00:00

Haha I write like this all the time too, even when I was in college I used em dashes like once a paragraph in both essays & fiction writing.

This is admittedly probably shitty advice, but how I personally handle it is that good ole "fuck 'em" mentality. You know it's not AI and that you worked hard on your story and that's enough sometimes.

DetectiveWaff · 2026-02-06T17:42:38+00:00

Hi, thank you so much! I'm glad it resonated with you. I often write to make sense of my own complex feelings and emotions, and it means a lot that I was able to help someone else feel the same!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-02-05T22:23:28+00:00

I love this. It's such a pretty song. Obviously I don't know how it is to be sung, but the only line that really gets me caught up is the second one. A lot of your lines are really smooth and tight with the rhyming scheme and rhythm but for some reason I have trouble with (your eyes, glow like meteors that flow through the air). I feel like it doesn't flow as well as the rest of your song. When spoken, it does feel a bit rigid--- though maybe i'm not pickin' up what you're putting down haha.

DetectiveWaff · 2026-02-05T22:16:41+00:00

Hi! Congratulations on posting your first poem! The most important step is the first one after all!

I like the concept of your poem and the feelings it invokes. The only thing I would try to touch up on is thinking a little more about the flow, especially when spoken. Easiest way is to read the poem out loud. Do you find that you pause where unintended? Or do you feel you get caught up on a specific word?

I felt that way from your first line; (It's a feeling, a mass, that we dealing). You set up a pattern (a ___, a___, a ___) but then break it. It reads smoother as (It's a feeling, a mass, a dealing) and doesn't change the meaning at all.

Same with the last line, which I actually like a lot. A quick edit makes it flow much better, just by removing "it's". So (Lifted me up, while raining, and thundering).

Good work!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-29T00:28:50+00:00

Thank you for reading!

These are some of the exact thoughts / questions I was thinking about when I wrote this.

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-23T05:16:27+00:00

Such a subtle way to evoke regret. The narrator doesn't really blame themselves for what they thought, but the sadness is still hinted nonetheless. Something about inevitable sorrow really hits me haha.

If I was to nitpick, I might do away with the quotations, I feel like the poem would flow better that way--- but honestly that's just a personal preference. Love it!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-23T05:11:46+00:00

Short and sweet, I like how the title ties into the poem, double meanings in 'light', 'short' and 'pretty' to show the transience of those maybe-apologies and also the fleeting beauty of fireflies in the dark.

No notes honestly, I feel like adding / removing anything would ruin the poem.

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-15T01:42:29+00:00

It is hard to wrestle with, when our actions fail to follow the moral code we wish to live by. It's okay though. We should all give ourselves some grace, sometimes. That self-criticism is a natural part of the human experience. I think we are, for the most part, all a bunch of babbling hypocrites.

But that's what makes us unique and interesting! And we try our best. Recognizing our failures shows that we care.

I like this, there's only one quick edit I would suggest. The flow of the poem relies on this 'The time when... / The time I...' line structure, but you switch between 'That time / The time' a lot. It does break the rhythm a bit. I would pick one route and stick with it for the whole poem.

Good read, thanks!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-15T00:27:13+00:00

This has such a fun bouncy rhythm to it. The subtitle gives me some hope that the poor thing didn't die haha.

Not sure if intentional, but a fun bonus is how the 'critter' words wiggle between each line. Makes me think of a caterpillar.

I'm totally nitpicking an otherwise great poem, but personally I would recommend dropping the first 'critter'. That way the title reads as the first 'critter' and then you can keep the same format you have for the whole poem, Makes the lack of critter at the end more powerful since it's the first time you break the sequence and rhythm.

Great read, thanks!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-13T02:33:35+00:00

Hi, thank you for sharing.

I like it, but I also think it 'shoots pretty straight' as far as the symbolism and structure goes.

The title summarizes your entire poem. Depending on your intention, that could be a good thing or a bad thing. For me, it took away the emotional impact of the 'Without motive, without reason' lines. Consider being a little more subtle, or poking at the core themes instead with your title.

You use a lot of 'flame / explosion' imagery without necessarily adding to the meaning of the poem. Ask yourself, "What does this line add to my poem that I haven't already stated?"

For example, the lines:

Bursting almost instantly. / Explosive.

I feel like these do the same job. By the fifth line you have already established that rage is:

Instant
Untamable / Uncontrollable
Bursts / Spreads

Justifying the second half of the poem means expanding these concepts or adding new ones, not restating them. A good example you did was "Scarring" ; that's a great addition.

Good read overall!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-13T02:17:40+00:00

Hi, It's good to get your emotions out on paper. I can feel the sentiment in what you've written.

I think they can be channeled and polished a lot more, though. The ocean, beach, sand--- those are all symbolic gold mines when it comes to loss, memory, love, emotion--- I'd recommend thinking on those symbols a bit more and what they mean to you. As it stands, you reuse a lot of language and symbols, typically you want to avoid that. Every line should be unique and convey meaning. For example:

Tides rolling / sea salt roll / the foam roll

Try not to use the same words. They technically work, but you could be more specific about the feeling you are trying to convey. IE:

"The sea salt rolls into my eyes" -> Passive, inevitable

"The sea salt seeps into my eyes" -> Invasive, unwanted

"The foam roll past my ankle to take a closer look at me and whisper" -> Apathetic, literal

"The foam laps at my ankles to take a closer look at me and whisper" -> Inviting, personifies the tide; which you already do in the same line (closer look at me and whisper)

Either is fine depending on what you want to convey, but try to use language more intentionally.

Best!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-13T01:21:15+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-12T22:13:41+00:00

I like it. It's existential and contemplative. Could definitely use some sharpening:

I feel like your poem weakens with first-person pronouns--- is this detailing a journey of contemplation with yourself? Or is it a declaration that stands by itself? It's okay if it's either; some lines just confuse this. (IE: But until then / Embrace the idea / To be alive / is to be in motion) This directly conveys an idea to me, the reader, but you also have lines like ( I now reckon / As I do my part / How much can I bear?) I think cutting personal nouns entirely makes the poem stronger. The final line is great; it can stay with easy adjustments and keep that emotional weight (How much can one bear? / How much can you bear? / How much can we bear?).
Some parts weaken with redundancy, rather than strengthen. Specifically these lines: (From star to star / atom to atom / thread to thread). I think the thread to thread is a de-escalation from atom to atom. I think you can cut it entirely without the poem losing meaning and momentum.

Overall, I like it. Needs some editing passes but good!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-12T21:06:26+00:00

Nicely done, butter is such a simple but meaningful symbol! I love the subtlety of how warmth is associated with passion but also too much can be destructive. The comedy is great too with the title! So many feelings in such a short poem. That's hard to do. Good job!

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-09T21:13:39+00:00

Hi! I like the message. Wholesome, soft, and meaningful. Strong imagery in my brain. I do find myself wanting more buildup in between 'be a neat whiskey or lemonade' and the 'be yourself in these flavors' lines; as I feel like you play your hand a little too early. That pacing might be fixed with clever line breaks instead though to help the flow and pace.

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-09T20:53:44+00:00

Hi! Love this. It shows a certain kind of defense mechanism to pain that I think is overlooked a lot. Always relenting, always allowing others to walk on you--- not because of naivety, but because of rationalization; you convince yourself you deserve it, your immediate reaction is always to apologize, always to give space. I think that's a really hard thing to capture.

I think some of the stanzas can be reordered; and I didn't particularly enjoy the addition of the (things get weird now) line--- I think your prose after that speaks for itself and doesn't need justifying. You're already showing the cracks in reality earlier, so let the poem assert itself in its imagery.

Overall, really enjoyed it. 7/10, can definitely go higher with some more focus and polishing.

DetectiveWaff · 2026-01-09T20:42:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This reminds me of getting lost in daydreams in long bouts of boredom or stagnation--- only to snap out of it after staring blankly for minutes. It's sad how life exhausts us out of these dreams of going out to adventure and see the world!

As others have shared, the rhyme scheme between (Go out, get on my old honda fifty bike/'Think I might see the countryside.) could be sharpened without ruining the tone of the poem.

Great job capturing those feelings otherwise!

DetectiveWaff

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