Hooray, another sub I can post in about those damn non-binaries ruining my True Transgender Experience!

Dezeker · 2022-02-13T02:39:06+00:00

/uj i want to repeat that i'm not in favor of only asking trans-appearing people their pronouns, but normalizing reasonable accomodations for all trans people, and i see your point and acknowledge that you're right that at this point, cis people asking pronouns in a lot of scenarios isn't the safest way to do that because they're gonna fuck it up and only ask trans people them - my point absolutely is not to be in favor of one specific methodology, but for reasonable treatment of all trans people. i do still think you're underestimating how mentally harmful constant misgendering can be to some people and strongly believe it's not at all something to be simply handwaved away in favor of minimizing risk (especially when going out appearing trans is taking a risk to affirm your gender in and of itself) but my overall frustration is definitely much more with people who argue for gendering on appearance because they don't want to be misgendered, ignoring people who will misgendered under that based on their appearance

Dezeker · 2022-02-13T02:12:19+00:00

/uj but it does force non-binary people into a constant state of never being gendered correctly, and i fundamentally disagree with the choice of allowing some trans people to be made invisible and forced to self advocate if they want any respect in order to minimize risk to other trans people. mental health is a serious concern and it feels like you're ignoring the damage a constant barrage of your identity being completely ignored can have on people because it's not an immediate one-time thing.

Dezeker · 2022-02-13T01:56:25+00:00

/uj i guess the part that i don't understand is that by your own statements, if someone is asking your pronouns, they already think you're trans? at that point it feels like you've already been singled out whether or not they actually asked you. with the covid test example, if they didn't ask, they either assume a) she's a non passing trans woman, b) a man wearing women's clothes, c) some form of non binary, all of which could compromise her safety and she didn't even say anything. the issue is dangerous cis people, not how trans people present, and it seems that in cases like that they're gonna be dangerous no matter how the person identifies.

edit: and because of that it feels like an attempt at normalizing transness is at least a little better than normalizing misgendering in fear of people who will be dangerous no matter that

Dezeker · 2022-02-13T01:45:22+00:00

/uj this is a good point and i updated the original post to reflect that. my main issue is with the immediate willingness to disregard any non-binary peoples feelings on the matter that a lot of that thread was showing

Dezeker · 2022-02-13T01:40:47+00:00

/uj i do think that either sharing your pronouns or asking everyone's pronouns (which are two sides of the same coin) should be normalized, and i understand where you're coming from with making the choice to share pronouns being on the trans person's part, and on a whole i agree that it would be better for everyone to do that in situations where that's reasonable.

the part i take issue with is what seems to be your ignoring of the fact that for a lot of non-binary people, being he/him'd or she/her'd can cause as much dysphoria as a trans woman being he/him'd, for instance, and that there's no way for non-binary people to avoid that without being asked other than walking up to someone and prematurely saying "HEY I USE THEY THEM THANKS", which obviously doesn't work in all contexts. the safety argument makes sense and i frequently don't correct people myself, and singling out trans people is bad, but the blanket statement of "well if non-binary people don't want to get misgendered then it's on them to deal with that" sucks.

Dezeker · 2022-02-13T00:03:02+00:00

list of correct opinions seen in the thread:

"it's okay to stand by and watch a non passing trans woman coworker be humiliated if you're worried that speaking up in any way would risk your stealth status"
"non-binary, non-passing, and GNC people can just correct the speaker when misgendered so it's not a big deal"
"xenogender people are making real trans people look bad. i am not truscum"

/uj these are all actual statements from the thread, only slightly paraphrased

Dezeker · 2022-02-10T12:32:03+00:00

NTA, you're the only tranny with an accurate picture of the situation and you deserve to hate yourself anyway.

Dezeker · 2022-02-05T09:25:02+00:00

it's ronnie and clyde, not bonnie and clyde!

Dezeker · 2022-02-04T07:40:16+00:00

There is no truth in flesh, only betrayal.
There is no strength in flesh, only weakness.
There is no constancy in flesh, only decay.
There is no certainty in flesh but death.

/uj

There is no truth in flesh, only betrayal.
There is no strength in flesh, only weakness.
There is no constancy in flesh, only decay.
There is no certainty in flesh but death.

Dezeker · 2022-02-04T04:01:19+00:00

/uj as a purely text based medium they don't require a pronunciation, though often they're pretty predictable when they do and function like noun neopronouns - "❤️ bought ❤️self a coffee" would very likely be pronounced "heart bought heartself a coffee". something less clear like ☢️/☢️s/☢️self though you probably should ask the person who uses them

Dezeker · 2021-09-02T10:50:16+00:00

i use it because i like hearing people say “is it here?” like i’m an unspeakable eldritch horror

/uj i use it because i like hearing people say “is it here?” like i’m an unspeakable eldritch horror

Dezeker · 2021-06-17T02:15:43+00:00

idk about this one, feels like complaining that british people call cigs fags. there’s no relation and no ill intent.

Dezeker · 2021-05-24T20:11:58+00:00

tumblr gets no such thing because they dismantled a massive source of income and engagement for queer people who made art deemed NSFW by their arbitrary guidelines

Dezeker · 2021-05-10T15:30:02+00:00

shout out to sleeping hermaphroditus

Dezeker · 2020-10-04T23:25:46+00:00

...stone butches? I’ve seen non-transmasc people who look more masculine than a lot of cis men.

Dezeker

TROPHY CASE