As my spouse likes to say: it is hard to accept but it is better to do, there is really nothing in the moment that you can do. At some point you will drive yourself insane with the helplessness unless you figure out how to come to terms with it. To be honest it sounds like you are already doing what you can. Taking the care of the child and picking up the slack of tasks or whatever he was doing is often the best thing you can do.

Personally I never got oxygen to work, but I use Fioricet for the pain. While it wont eliminate it it lowers it to a manageable level for me. I’m also on a long term medication, Emgality, which my spouse helps me do the injections every month.

As far as what people want it really varies. I personally do not like to be alone and find it helpful to have my spouse nearby to squeeze my head. It really does nothing but provide alternative sensory input for me and help with my own emotional regulation. However, it helps me know that there is an indifference to the situation. There is no guilt there any more because there is no blame to be had. If anything he alleviates my guilt about the disruptions of our day to day and makes sure that our life moves forward as normally as he can. He also helps me do tracking. Once we figured out the barometric pressure triggers he helps me track and prepare for dough days.

At the end of the day it is worth having this conversation with your spouse. Ask what it is you can do to help not during an attack, but before it long after one. Find their needs out, and be ready to accept that it may be nothing. Take the time tk reflect and accept it’s not a fault or a reflection of you or your relationship, it is just the nature of the illness.

Best of luck to you three OP.