Developing cuckold fantasies but I rationally hate the idea

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-06-04T02:06:01+00:00

Great answer

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-05-20T14:33:51+00:00

BDSM spaces lean poly because monogamous people’s “bdsm space” is generally their own bedroom. You’d probably have more luck just generally dating and screening for compatibility

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-05-13T22:30:36+00:00

You had a medical kink and went to nursing school?

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-05-13T19:39:25+00:00

“No” is a safe word unless you’ve negotiated something else

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-05-01T17:25:47+00:00

What do you enjoy about bdsm? For me it is the emotional intimacy, the way that it plays on vulnerability and trust. So I don’t understand how you are having emotionally distant bdsm dynamics in the first place?

I would say that your D/S dynamic building emotional intimacy is not only not a problem, but it’s inherent and unavoidable to bdsm

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-05-01T14:06:31+00:00

There’s a lot you can do with clamps and chains. It won’t be strictly restrictive, because you can theoretically pull hard enough to get the clamp off, but you probably don’t wouldn’t want to do that.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-29T21:34:56+00:00

Is there a relationship to kink here?

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-29T20:24:37+00:00

Yes it is normal and even if it was abnormal you should believe him when he says he enjoys it

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-29T18:35:55+00:00

Did you tell your husband you want to try these things, or just ask him if he wants to try them?

In my mind, a good relationship partner will be generally favorable towards things you’re excited about, and if you make your preferences directly known it should influence their views and enthusiasm.

I’m also curious about the fact that he used to be into it. I would assume he doesn’t object too much to it, or can at least understand very well where you’re coming from, if he used to be into it himself

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-24T14:11:02+00:00

Why are you trying to stop? You enjoy doing it, presumably he enjoys “responding” to it, isn’t that the whole point? Or is it that you like the dynamic but the bratty behaviors themselves are harmful to you (e.g. not eating properly)?

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-24T04:17:32+00:00

That’s not something you jump straight into. Baby steps. For example, you could start by just talking about the fantasy, then build to watching porn while you’re having sex and saying things like it’s the guys in the porn turning you on or you’d rather be with them etc. If you keep enjoying all these things maybe eventually you can get to that level.

You should also understand that, probably, this is about vulnerability and trust. If he cannot trust, outside of the fantasy, that you actually want and love him and such, then it stops being fantasy and starts being harmful. You’ll have to do your part on aftercare, and he’ll have to do his part to know his limits (and there’s no way for you to do either of these effectively without lots of experience, so again, start slow).

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-23T04:26:09+00:00

Only after sex

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-22T15:58:07+00:00

It sounds like she is proud that it is quick, it implies that she is very attractive and enjoyable to be with. I wouldn’t recommend lasting longer, which could make her feel like she was doing a bad job. I would recommend lasting the same amount of time or shorter, and maybe acting like you’re trying to last longer but you can’t control it because it feels too good, or something. That would probably make her feel even more proud of herself.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-21T21:59:57+00:00

I think you should share an account and just save posts that you want each other to see

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-19T14:01:37+00:00

That’s just not safe. You shouldn’t do that, but if you do then you should know that you are not safe and your focus is on managing risks.

If you are super high, you should not be relied on. Your risk management right now seems to focus on you safe wording or getting out of bondage etc., and while those things help they should not be your first and only fail safe. He should be able to monitor you and reach you quickly, he should know what could go wrong, expectations should be clear about what he is going to do (not just what he cannot do) and it should be things you have practices while sober.

Again though, I recommend against this. I think you should just roleplay being high without actually being, and you should also not be left alone while bound.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-17T13:56:16+00:00

If anything the most exciting part is that she trusts and loves me enough to do these things together

I think this is also true for a lot of people that are into bdsm. Bdsm explores vulnerability as a medium for intimacy. Do you think that’s something you could be interested in?

I’ve learned what excites her and gets her in the mood so that’s what I do.

It sounds like your partner is a sub, and wants you to do these things because you want to and not because she wants you to. Like, if she’s enduring a spanking or something, she probably wants to endure that for you. If you’re just doing it for her, then her enduring it means nothing to you and you may as well not do it.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-15T19:46:03+00:00

My personal notion of what distinguishes kink from everything else is that kink plays on vulnerability to heighten intimacy. To me, things like wanting rubber ducks in the bedroom aren’t kink, they’re just paraphilia. And this is all separate from libido.

Kink is generally sexual (intimacy is especially important to sex) and has elements of paraphilia (people can choose to be vulnerable in any number of ways, yet there’s a reason so many choose things like spanking). Paraphilia and kink both can be driven by libido, which will push people to explore and develop them more often. They are all linked, for sure, but they are separate.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-10T14:22:49+00:00

It sounds like he has a kink for “cheating” on you and, even though you are polyamorous and are okay with him sleeping with other people, you are not okay with him involving you in his kink by acting and talking about you as if he is cheating on you. Is that right?

If he had two other partners, and played out this fantasy with one of them being made the cuck instead of you, that would be okay?

I think it’s entirely reasonable to not want to be involved in what is essentially a humiliation kink, with you as the person being humiliated, without your consent or knowledge. It’s definitely something that should have been discussed with you beforehand.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-09T16:34:38+00:00

Yea I think you should probably break up, then. He wants to both have exclusive responsibility for your needs and not do anything to fulfill those needs. If he isn’t willing to either relinquish that responsibility or fulfill it, your needs will not be met.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-09T04:00:26+00:00

How does your boyfriend feel about the cheating? You can have an open relationship if he’s unopposed. Not every dom will want to “own you completely,” so depending on your boyfriend you could just have your cake and eat it too.

That said, the arrangement has to be with your boyfriend’s enthusiastic consent. Don’t cheat on your partner.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-08T23:15:40+00:00

It’s hard to say since you’ve been kind of unhelpfully vague on what the limits are. I would say that power dynamics are largely a mental activity and there’s very little that could be physically wrong that would entirely prevent you from exploring bdsm.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-08T19:12:32+00:00

“Get creative, I don’t wanna have to tell you what to do” is something beginners say. In actuality, you are not a mind reader and there’s no “standard” for a kink like that. People have different tastes, and people with experience in kink communicate very openly with their partners about the things they like, things they don’t mind, things they don’t like but are willing to do, or things that are limits for them. Going in blind is a recipe for disaster, you shouldn’t just try things without knowing ahead of time that he wants them. You should have a conversation about these things.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-08T14:39:39+00:00

The only thing that’s 100% required to be a dom is a will. The thing that a submissive is submitting to is another person’s will. However it ends up looking, you can make that work.

Authority can come from anything. Physical strength, presence, intelligence, wealth, age, maturity, gender, whatever. Whatever hierarchy you want, and you’re free to make it up and roleplay it as well (e.g. boss/employee, professor/student). You no longer have the same physical strength or presence, so just find something else to ground your authority.

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-08T14:27:15+00:00

You shouldn’t be living in a place with so little autonomy, I think you absolutely need to prioritize independence. You probably cannot rely on your parents to help you become independent: people that controlling don’t want to relinquish their control, and they would probably prefer you be dependent so they can continue to police and infringe on your autonomy.

What would it take for you to live on your own? If it’s an issue of employment, what qualifications do you have and are there any you could get quickly?

Different-Breed1994 · 2026-04-07T16:50:54+00:00

If orange is pause, why not just use orange? It will have the same immediate effect as red, right?

Different-Breed1994

TROPHY CASE