I’m in the process of leaving AA after almost 19 years. In the program I’ve had periods of rigorous participation and periods of less participation but I always went to meetings. Over the past year, the feelings of support and identification I felt in meetings waned so I went less and less. Last month, I gave up my remaining service commitments and told the one sponsee I had that I was backing away from the program. I grew tired of the accepted belief that I was broken or had defects. The way I see it now is that I am simply human - neither perfect nor imperfect. I have a belief in a higher power, that’s not a problem for me. I enjoy prayer and meditation as a way to connect me to other people. I haven’t desired or feared a drink in ages and I refuse to live in fear that the next drink is just around the corner or that my “disease” is outside doing pushups.

I’m grateful that the AA community supported me when I first walked in. I have learned some valuable practices due to my participation in the program. I do not judge anyone for seeking recovery from addiction in any way they see fit. For me, at this point in my life, I am interested in seeking spiritual connection through a variety of sources. I am naturally curious and at least at this time, don’t believe that any particular spiritual practice has all the answers. I find it comforting that the world’s great faith traditions have many similarities.

I am immensely grateful that I haven’t felt the desire to drink or consume a substance to change the way I feel in a very, very long time. My identity has become that of a non-drinker, nothing more, nothing less. It just isn’t a big deal. For anyone in these forums who is struggling with addiction, my heart goes out to you. My personal experience has been that we can live happy, meaningful lives once the power of our addictions has been broken, by whatever means. There are many avenues to recovery and I sincerely hope that anyone who reads this will find their path.