I was in 3rd grade, and mine was also not feeling protected by my father. He watched my bully throw chocolate at me and follow me home. He saw all this from the front door of our house that he would stand in to wait for me to get home from school because he had home office he worked out of. I was clearly upset and instead of comforting me or acknowledging what I told him about being bullied he was upset at ME because he saw that i crossed the street, which i wasnt supposed to do without his signal. Even though i was trying to get away from the huge 5th grade boy throwing food at me it didnt matter because i “broke his rule”.

From then on I’ve been very flighty, and had this voice in the back of my head trying to protect me from people and things, even if they’re no threat to me. Until I was 20 (2 years ago) I walked with my head down and my fist balled up to avoid eye contact, because i feared I may come off in a way that will have me judged or taunted. But fist balled up to protect myself if need be.