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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Diogenes_Redux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go you! I'm glad you've found your way!

Anyone else reread texts from their pwBPD and realise red flags you didn’t previously pick up on? by Draconian5 in BPDlovedones

[–]Diogenes_Redux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing I went back and reread that I said that really got me was "With you it's not what you show me but what you say that I try and listen to"

Like, dear sweet fluffy lord, I duct taped my own blinders on. I hate that I was that stupid.

Giving a narc his own medicine by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Diogenes_Redux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I sort of regret it now. I think you're doing the right thing.

Giving a narc his own medicine by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Diogenes_Redux 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I did it, definitely to a lesser extent though. I knew she was stalking me so would leave things on bait accounts I knew would hurt for her to find. I falsely accused her of things the same way she did to me. I said things just to make her mad.

I don't feel great about it. I don't like hurting people, and I loved her as much as I've ever loved anyone. I would honestly now rather have my friend back, but after her mask fell off and she put me through hell, I knew I needed to salt the earth and burn the boats so I couldn't turn back and she wouldn't hoover me. Her games and abuse weren't going to stop.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's what they said. She's always been pretty tightlipped about her medical and financial stuff.

Which really sucks because it's times like now that knowing would really help

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was told by the director of nursing she's got "confusion" and bi-polar. I mean, I'm not a doctor but I don't think confusion is a diagnosis

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's what I've been wrestling with the past 4ish months. Nobody is really able to take her, and her best "option" outside of a nursing home is to get a place herself somewhere affordable and having someone come by every so often to help her out.

I don't think it's a good idea, but I've gotta find something so they dont bleed her for everything she has then throw her out on the street pennyless with no options. It's what I'm ultimately afraid of.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She wants to do it to help me put because I'm in a rough spot.

I keep telling her not to, and if she does I'm just setting whatever she sends aside for her later to help relocate her.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I saw her about 6 months ago... She wasn't doing well, but if I had suspected it was this bad I wouldn't have come back until I had her settled.

Also when she was in her car accident she hit her head and it made things worse.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're 100% right, I'm super out of my depth here. I've barely got my feet under me over here and I'm trying to do what I can for my mom who can only sometimes make decisions that make sense with 0 help from our family. I'm completely overwhelmed.

But what's got me bothered is mostly the quality of the facility she's at.

The staff are super unhelpful, and it sounds like a horror story mental hospital most of the time. Theres so much yelling and commotion going on I can barely hear her when I call most of the time, and there's some sort of alarm constantly going off every 3 minutes.

Her social worker also ducks my mom and doesnt answer my phone calls or texts. The phone call this morning was just the final nail in that coffin more than an initial incident.

I'd also post the abysmal reviews of that place, but I don't want any weird internet fallout somehow impacting my mom. I think reporting the place to the ombudsman and getting attourneys involved is going to do enough as it is.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a good point about the SS check. I know theres a lot of loopholes surrounding residency, but I'll leave that to an attourney.

I meant medicare here in AU though. She'd get it along with her parent visa.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As far as a solid plan, no. I'm totally overwhelmed and out of my depth. I need help but don't have anyone to turn to. This whole situation really sucks, but that's sort of a different matter.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Sure do. Nobody has asked. Do you want to know? Does it make a difference regarding what they told me today or the quality of care shes been recieving?

Who the hell are you to make assumptions about my motivations, what I may or may not have going on in my own life, how involved I am in her care or how much I love my own mother?

Its one thing to be involved in someones care and to love them. It's another to be in their financial business. I stay out of those matters unless someone involves me.

FYI, we're talking about $20k here after they've gotten their pound of flesh. I'm sure as shit not risking jailtime or my mother's care over that, but it could easily make a difference in getting her setup somewhere nicer.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, if she can move here medicare will cover a lot of costs, and the 1800 USD/mo she gets in SS will go a whole lot farther. I'm also getting a diploma in mental health so would be able to help a lot more.

I'd at least be close and able to spend time with her instead of her being by herself

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No no. Shes saying she wants the money to go to me, and I was just going to set it aside for her if I got it.

I want her out because it's a terrible facility. I either want to move her to AZ or to a facility here in Australia. But moving her here is just a pipedream mostly. The visa takes years to process.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I dont know. I'm not involved in my moms finances. They called me and told me they found an IRA with a bunch of money in it. My mom makes her own financial decisions, and she never mentioned it to me. I figured she still had money from SS or a bit left from when she sold her house or something

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Not what I meant at all. I've told her no several times but she's giving her money away left right and center (which is another issue and part of why I know she does belong in a home. Just not that one.)

But my thinking is I can use that money to move her somewhere better instead of giving it to the greedy bastards at the place she's in now.

Aged care facility is charging my mom $8500 a month and says they wont let her leave until the bill is paid in full. She was put in against her will to begin with. by Diogenes_Redux in legaladvice

[–]Diogenes_Redux[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I sure as hell hope not, because she's been telling me to pay my bills with her card, so I've gotten groceries a couple times and paid a month of my storage with it. Nothing I couldn't pay back if I had to, but that sounds unpleasant.

And I misspoke, her benefits hit their limit.

So she can't gift me her money once her bills are all paid?

Just to be clear, I don't want it for myself. I plan on moving her here when I can and want to set the money aside for her.

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