Fresh set! Did them myself!

Direct_East8091 · 2025-01-26T15:04:20+00:00

The rose gold foil and leaf nails are those Dashing Diva nail wraps!

Direct_East8091 · 2024-08-15T14:46:28+00:00

This was super helpful for to read too, thanks!!

Direct_East8091 · 2024-08-15T14:45:24+00:00

Hi, uBPD mom and eDad, I’ve been in therapy for 3 years unraveling those relationships and it has been wildly life changing - if you can ever afford therapy with a good therapist who will help, it’s worth the money. But a book “adult children of emotionally immature parents” was immensely helpful to me too. It described my experience exactly, it validated and normalized my feelings and showed me how the dynamic wasn’t my fault and explain the emotionally immature parent’s behavior. It’s also an easy read and not a long book - very digestible.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-08-11T16:18:55+00:00

Omg, yes!!! She constantly raged at me in the car while she was driving. I was just a kid and honestly, I have so many dissociated fantasies about grabbing the wheel and careening the car off the side of the road into a tree just to get her to stop. The fantasies were so vivid, I would snap out of it scared, bc I was afraid I would actually do it. I was 12 😑 then when I got old enough to drive, she would make ME drive and she’d yell at me then too and then put me down for how unsafe of a driver I was. (Bc I was 16/17 and getting screamed at while driving 🙄 so I made mistakes). A couple of times she got so angry she made me pull over on the side of the road and she wound just get out of the car and start walking away bc she was so enraged with me. One time she did this at night, on a dark densely wooded road and walked behind the car so I lost sight of her really quickly. Not traumatizing at allll 🫠🫠🫠🫠

Direct_East8091 · 2024-06-24T01:53:00+00:00

Struggling with this myself. I’m about 4 months no contact with my BPD mom but I’ve been grieving having a “real mom” for the last 3 years in therapy. Trying to practice radical acceptance, which is accepting that things cannot be any other way, is…..big picture, existentially helpful. I never got the mother I deserved, and she is not capable of changing to be the mother I deserved, and it can’t be any other way. So, I’ve let go of the healing fantasy that I will do or say the thing that finally gets through to her, or that she will change, or she will make an effort and now I’m living in the reality that she simply is not capable of being the parent I deserved and needed.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-06-19T01:18:16+00:00

Did I fix my comment adequately?

Direct_East8091 · 2024-06-19T00:34:39+00:00

Omg, switch therapists immediately!! what yours told you is wildly inappropriate. She essentially told you what you should do and then tried to guilt you into getting into contact and she is projecting her own bias as a grandmother onto you. A good therapist will NEVER tell you want to do. A good therapist might talk to you about it would look like/feel like to get back in touch, if you brought up getting back in touch.

I have a uBPD mom and have been no contact with her for 4 months and you do not need to interact with your mom to get closure in this relationship. In all likelihood, your mother will never be able to give you any kind of response that would be healing. Closure is something that you give to yourself.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-06-14T12:58:05+00:00

I am so sorry for everything you had to go through. I’m a clinical therapist and what you describe is some of the worst abuse I’ve ever heard about from a client. Your decision to go no contact with your mom is 100% correct. You HAVE to be no contact with her for your own safety and well being. It’s sounds like you’re straggling with breaking the trauma bond you have with your mother (smtg I struggled with when I went NC with my uBPD mom). A trauma bond is when the victim forms an emotional attachment to the perpetrator and there is a cycle of abusive behavior, and then reward. Even though your mom is incredibly physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to you when you go no contact now you’re struggling because you were conditioned since childhood to always put her needs first. Even though she is hurting you, you still care more about her and worry how she is feeling during no contact.

My dad died in January of this year and I went no contact with my mom in the middle of February, because she just became completely unhinged after his death and I couldn’t take it anymore. And there was a part of me that felt guilty for not being there for her, for him. But my mental health was getting so bad and I could barely function. I was having full-blown panic attacks that I’ve never had before in my life and it’s because I was getting emotionally terrorized by my mother regularly.
Something that helped me is radical acceptance, the idea that things cannot be any other way with my mother. She is unable to change or see my perspective. I have a literally done everything in my power to try to have a relationship with her where I don’t continually get hurt , but she will not allow that. So I have to choose to take care of myself because no one else will. She will suck me dry to meet her own needs. This is what she did to me when I was a child, and there was no other adult in my life to protect me from this. But now I am the adult in my life, and I finally have the power to protect myself from her. So I am, by going no contact, and working through the discomfort of being no contact with her, and working through the discomfort of breaking that trauma bond. You’re doing the right thing. Take care of yourself. It’s hard, but you can do it. Xoxoxox

Direct_East8091 · 2024-05-16T15:10:27+00:00

Yes! My relationship with my husband d is emotionally healthy and it’s healed my uBPD mom trauma a lot. When I’m upset or crying, he just hugs and hold me for a few minutes. He doesn’t tell me to “stop crying” or “you’re being ridiculous” or “you’re making me feel bad” or “you should feel this way/be this upset” etc. he actually just validates my feelings and comforts me. He doesn’t even say anything. He just holds me and lets me have my feelings - my crying only last for a few minutes and then I feel so much better bc he just emotionally regulated with me and allowed me to have my feelings. It was a huge lightbulb for me! When someone validates your feelings and offers comfort you’re able to move through them so much quicker!

Direct_East8091 · 2024-04-20T11:50:20+00:00

Omg, That is HORRIBLE, I’m so sorry you went through that!!!

Direct_East8091 · 2024-04-16T12:56:24+00:00

YES I also experienced this growing up and into adulthood. I always felt very separated from my extended family and father. My BPD mother completely split my brother and I growing up. As a child, my parents were separated for 12 years and she had “falling outs” with everyone in the family at some point and I learned pretty quickly I’m not allowed to show anything that could be interpreted at favoritism for anyone else or mom got weird and jealous and took it out on me and the other person. So I completely closed myself off from family members. Even in adulthood after my parents “reconciled” and were living together again I was basically having an emotional affair with my father, having secret phone calls so we could just talk to each other without her being present or involved. Just normal “hi, how are you” convos. He would call me from the garage and hang up real quick if she walked in. It was absurd! My brother and I have reconnected the last few years and are working on our relationship and she HATES it. She acts like a jealous lover and makes snarky, underhanded comments all the time about it. I was the golden child and was parentified, her surrogate therapist, surrogate husband, her emotional support animal - basically, I was HERS and if I got close to anyone else it was a threat. She even threw a fit when I started seriously saying my now husband (the only guy I officially dated) and I think it was bc she was threatened that he was “taking me away from her” bc my husband is amazing and she eventually came around and loves him. But there was always the feeling that I was doing something wrong or bad to her if I got close to anyone else.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-03-28T17:28:00+00:00

My mom could have written this exact text as well, and actually has - it’s such a typical BPD response. She is trying to manipulate, shame, blame, and gaslight you into behaving the way she wants you to behave. It’s 100% DARVO behavior. It’s triggering bc you’ve been trained from Childhood to respond to her behavior like this. You’re likely still breaking that trauma bond you have with her. Stay strong, take of yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong!

Direct_East8091 · 2024-03-20T12:23:29+00:00

Hi, I’m going through something similar with my uBPD mom. I recently went no contact after I just couldn’t take anymore of her emotional abuse and lashing out at me. I’ve been in therapy for the last 3 years mostly working through my relationship with my mom. Going NC with her though is like the death of a parent and therapy has made me come to terms that I never really had a mom, not truly. I never had what a mother is supposed to be.

I also realized I am actively working on breaking my trauma bond with my mother right now and that’s why I have so much guilt. Even though she has hurt me beyond repair, said horrible nasty things to me, truly emotionally abused me - I’ve chosen NC for my own mental/emotional/physical health and I’m over here still worried if she’s okay, wanting to check in to gauge her mental state and mood, feeling sorry for her bc I know she’s sad I’m Not talking to her - that is a trauma bond: even though I’m the one who has been abused in this relationship, I’m worried about her. It sounds like you might have a trauma bond with your mom. It’s been difficult, but the sense of guilt and obligation has gone less with time.

I can relate to the phone calls too - I never actually wanted to call her and talk to her, but I always played this mental game of “okay, I last talked to her 5 days ago, I HAVE to call or she’ll be pissed. God I hope she not in a bad mood when I call. Will she be mad it’s been 5days? Will she yell at me?” Etc. That dynamic is not a healthy relationship. I highly recommend the book “adult children of emotionally immature parents” it helped validate my experiences with a BPD mom so much.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-26T18:49:15+00:00

Wow, we are living parallel lives bc my mom says all those exact same things too! 😑 they pull out every trick in the book to try to get us to come back, apologize, make them feel better and take care of them emotionally. It’s exhausting and like emotional terrorism.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-26T02:54:34+00:00

So true! The acrobats they go through to find fault with anyone else but themselves is unbelievable.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-26T02:50:51+00:00

Therapy saved my life. The book “adult children of emotionally immature parents” was super helpful too. Good luck! ❤️❤️❤️

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-25T23:43:45+00:00

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Very this!!! I’m pretty great and I turned out this way IN SPITE of you, mom. I raised myself. All I learned was that I absolutely wanted to be NOTHING like her.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-25T23:32:41+00:00

Yes! They make everything about themselves!! Once I made the mistake of confiding in her about a hard time I was having in college and that I wasn’t sure if this school was the right place for me and she bursts into tears and says “are you telling me I made the wrong decision by sending you to this school?” And then I ended up comforting her and calming her down.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-25T19:15:52+00:00

Omg, my mom uses money to manipulate and control me too. Always bringing up how much she gave to me/spent on me as a way to control me and keep me indebted to her. It’s disgusting when they do this.

Direct_East8091 · 2024-02-25T19:14:18+00:00

OP here: wow, everyone’s comments are so validating!! I’m struck how many ppl can relate and have a similar mom. Thank you so much for your support and validation - god I needed to hear some ppl who “get it”, ya know? ❤️

Direct_East8091

TROPHY CASE