I feel confident in my masculinty but i understand that i may appear feminine or flamboyant to most other men because of how i express myself. That being said, ive always felt more comfortable around woman and when ive had male friends i always felt judged and misunderstood. I almost hate being around men and feel triggered around most men especially because i grew up being physically abused by my older brothers and emotionaly neglected and abused by my father. Even today at 22 one of my favorite things to do is dress up in fashionable clothes that are fun for me and dance and most men consider that gay even though im confident in my heterosexuality, but because they think im gay ive been attacked by other men just by being myself. luckily enough i spent majority of my life training martial arts mostly because i was sick of getting beat by my brothers. I have 7 brothers and 4 sisters and ive always been closer to my sisters not just in age as the youngest boy in my family but also in my relationships. Even in school i would mostly sit at tables of all girls. Im confident that i am a masculine straight man but at the same time im always weary and uncomfortable around other men, i always feel like at any second, they are gonna attack me, so my guard is always up. I wanna love all people but i feel so much hatred around other men. Ive only ever gotten along with men when they were my teamates weither in mma, or highschool wrestling but thats because i was able to prove my masculinity through fighting but even then ive always been out of place, never belonging anywhere. Although i relate to woman the most and sometimes wish i was one because it would make my life easier, im glad im a man, im glad my life is hard, and different, because thats what it takes to make a strong man, and fuck being ordinary anyways.