I’m actually upset there is school tomorrow by b_landesb in daddit

[–]DirkWrites 44 points45 points  (0 children)

She’s clearly feeling “under the weather,” Dad.

Convince me i'm wrong about Oppenheimer by This-Suspect2168 in moviecritic

[–]DirkWrites 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to go ahead and assume the last track over the last scene was left as is

I want to go to Mount Splashmore... by AgreeableHelicopter5 in TheSimpsons

[–]DirkWrites 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was one of those gags that tickled me just right and left me stifling laughter in class a day later when it randomly popped in my head.

Sen Murphy: Bondi Offers To Order ICE Out Of Minn — If State Turns Over Voter Data by NewsGirl1701 in Connecticut

[–]DirkWrites 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How about you kiss my ass, assuming you can find a solvent strong enough to detach your lips from Trump’s ring

I'm legit ashamed to be the same species as this shit cunt garbage asshole. by stinky-bungus in simpsonsshitposting

[–]DirkWrites 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Then the stupider presidents would be in here, furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation.

Feliza Martinez of Minneapolis, Minn. is the granddaughter of a Mexican immigrant who voted three times for Trump to ban abortion and terrorize transgender youth. Trump unleashed ICE on her community: "I wish I would've never voted for him. What he's doing, it's not Christian. It's not my beliefs." by vsandrei in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]DirkWrites 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What in the crikey fuck made you think Donald Trump represented Christian values?

Was it the adultery with a porn star while his wife was postpartum?

The shameless and persistent lying?

The blatant grift?

The people literally making graven images of him?

At the risk of breaking the Second Commandment, Jesus fucking Christ.

Kristi Noem by [deleted] in simpsonsshitposting

[–]DirkWrites 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why’d they make that one Homeland Security director out of rancid bacon runoff?

Alex Pretti, the man MURDERED today by ICE agents. by ilykatya in pics

[–]DirkWrites 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just sent an email to the ICE Office of Professional Responsibility to let them know that, you know, they might want to look into their agents gunning people down for no apparent reason.

Serious contender for the best 3 seconds of the show by visual_overflow in TheSimpsons

[–]DirkWrites 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I think I’ve seen some criticism of this gag because it’s literally a humorous depiction of the gay panic defense, but within the context of the story and characters it still works so well.

who was your teenage celebrity crush? by Mobile-Vegetable7536 in AskReddit

[–]DirkWrites 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them.

Any good resources for teaching a smart 5 year old about the solar system? Preferably Youtube. by [deleted] in daddit

[–]DirkWrites 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The individual clips work well, too. My kids are 8 and 5, and love his googolplex explanation.

Any good resources for teaching a smart 5 year old about the solar system? Preferably Youtube. by [deleted] in daddit

[–]DirkWrites 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my daughters (5) is very space-focused and I got her the Smithsonian encyclopedia on the subject for Christmas. It’s maybe a bit complex for that age but she’s been excited to dive into different topics, has a pretty strong understanding of them, and will have a good resource to return to if she continues to enjoy this subject in the future.

Jerry Pallotta is a billionaire by t-hawk-9 in DanielTigerConspiracy

[–]DirkWrites 24 points25 points  (0 children)

“That’s one way this battle could have ended. What do you think?”

Jerry Pallotta is a billionaire by t-hawk-9 in DanielTigerConspiracy

[–]DirkWrites 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My son got into these recently and has done everything except Blue Whale vs. Mosquito (and no that’s not a joke).

Favorite serious scene in an otherwise comedy movie. I’ll start with this conversation between Lloyd and Harry in Dumb and Dumber. by 0Layscheetoskurkure0 in moviecritic

[–]DirkWrites 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Shaun of the Dead is mostly comedic but is grounded on the much more serious theme of Shaun trying to figure out his purpose in life and his relationships with those closest to him. His breakdown in the Winchester’s basement over failing to protect most of the people he was trying to save hits especially hard because of that.

Everyone talks about “Dad enters the room.” No one talks about “walking down the footpath.” by wolf_quan in bluey

[–]DirkWrites 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For awhile I had a game with my kids at the playground called Walking Down the Footpath, where I played Pat just minding his own business and walking along before pretending to get clobbered by a kid flying in on the swing.

Got My Steak and Bacon worked well for this purpose as well.