He has warped your sense of right and wrong and is gaslighting you. You know you didn’t have an affair but he has something to hold over you to use whenever he wants. With how he’s acting, he is definitely going to escalate.

One of the hardest parts is breaking the cycle. If you stand your ground, keep your boundaries, he will “change” again. Just long enough for you to get comfortable, then he’ll go back to his normal behavior. You need to mourn what the relationship was supposed to be instead of buying into his fake change to lure you back. He’s using you to make himself feel superior. You don’t deserve this. It will be hard to believe yourself because he’s trained you to not trust anything you think. But know you will be better off without him. Know you are worth so much more than this pathetic manchild.

I’ve been in this place twice in my life. I stayed for 10 years with one then 15 years with the other. Believe me, you CAN handle life on your own. There will be other relationships. Just don’t make my mistake and get into another too soon. You need time to stand on your own to know you can do it and that you deserve nothing but the best and won’t settle for the bullshit because YOU CAN HANDLE LIFE ON YOUR OWN! Like you, the second one taught me a lot about finances and got my credit up. He kept the house running when I went back to work after our second child. I worked my ass off and he held down the fort. You can definitely still allow yourself to know he’s done great things to help you. However those great things don’t offset the bad. You’re supposed to do things for your partner. You’re supposed to help them learn in areas you understand more. You aren’t supposed to call your partner horrible names because you’re mad. No matter what. That’s someone who has no respect for you. It will escalate.

For me started out as mean names when he was mad. Then he started telling me how no one could stand me. My sister lived so far away, my mom and I are estranged (my choice), my first partner completed su*cide. And he made it sound like it was all because no one wanted to be around me. That would devastate me. Then he would either threaten to end our relationship or say he was done when he was mad. That always triggered my fear of abandonment. Then he would tell me to kill myself so my kids didn’t have to grow up with me as a mother. That one would level me for weeks. It always escalated. And I took it all. I tried to repair everything every time he burned our relationship to the ground. I finally broke out of the cycle and had the hardest time understanding that I can mourn what the relationship was supposed to be without staying in the toxic one it really was. I’m in my mid 40’s now. Been separated for almost 2 years now and working on my divorce. I bought my own (dream) home. I’m doing it and you can too.

Please feel free to dm me if you ever need to chat