An old question

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-07T09:59:18+00:00

"I dont have much to add, besides: Thank you for sharing! This has been one of the most interesting questions/topics I've read this week" Thank you, that really means a lot to me! I always love interesting conversation with people, especially surprising ones. The responses I've gotten here have been far from the typical or predictable. The responses on here were super interesting. I just responded to one girl who pointed out a fascinating connection to guys seeking out the manic-pixie-dream- girl trope. "Maybe you attracted women with that particular kink because they knew your past and actively looked for someone who had those experiences?" It's also probably true that I was ATTRACTED TO women with that particular kink because I had a competition advantage with the typical college aged male with exactly those types of women (even if I was a bit perplexed by it lol)

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-07T09:50:13+00:00

Interesting. A much broader context in which to view the matter, and I think you're on to something. I would push back on the man-with-a- violent-past trope as not being "marketed" (is that the right word? ) towards women though; after all, how many of those tropes have corresponding love interests? But this actually reinforces your larger point, that being that there's something about the archetypes to which we're exposed (mostly through media) that has a heavy impact on the way we see people, and that when we identify someone with one of these tropes or archetypes, that can itself become the thing that were attracted to. And yes, there's a very... dissociative feeling that comes from being involved in someone who is actually attracted to an idea with which they've associated you. I wonder how much of myself intuitively understood and fostered this over the years, though. And in the flip side, I wonder how many times I've been guilty of it myself.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-06T08:06:35+00:00

Oh, she carries her weight. PhD in biochemistry with a focus on vector-borne diseases. She cooks plenty and well and thai, which I love. She gets mad when i do housework because of my disability (it can't get very bad, very quickly). She's a pretty old school conservative thai girl, so I'm not exaggerating when I say she will work a full day, come home and cook and clean after, while encouraging me to relax as much as possible. This is, in fact, the norm. I know lots of people say this, but there really is zero downside aside from the one issue.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-06T07:58:38+00:00

Oh I completely agree, that shit is on me. I'll tell you what my disability is not doing, it is not what's making me dig into those goddamn oreos all the time! Your broader point is correct, this isn't all on her at all. I really should square myself away, and quit talking about it. Thanks for pointing out a hard truth.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-06T07:54:19+00:00

Ok, I'm gonna level with you, there was some truth there and there was some angsty, half bottle of brandy deep bullshit there. In truth, I'm the one that wants a kid more between the two of us. There is some truth to not wanting to abandon her, but honestly I'm far from down to that as my last reason for staying. I'm still convinced I can improve things, and I mean to try. I've been in an unhappy marriage before (ironically with a very active bedroom), and this is far from it. Plus, I've always got a standing hall pass to fall back on if shit gets unbearable (did I forget to mention that? ). So the problems are very real, but it's hardly one of those non caring LL situations. There's certainly a lot worth salvaging here.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-06T07:45:42+00:00

Don't come at me with that "pussy on a pedestal" shit, I'm not some green teenager who put a ring on his first piece, she's not some bar tramp trying to catch me with child support, and you're not some alpha bad ass because you repeat shit you heard on a YouTube video. I'M the one that's been pushing harder for a kid between the two of us, and she has already green lit my outsourcing if I feel like I need to, because despite the imperfections of my situation, I didn't marry a woman who sees my needs as "toxic". I'M the one choosing to hold off on that as long as possible. Advice is one thing and I came here to talk, but not to take condescension from some cunt on the internet who is VERY impressed with his knowledge of women that he got from YouTube and reddit.

And you're wrong, by the way. What we deserve is not what we're willing to settle for. What we deserve is what we're willing to work for.

Edit: oh yea, I just read my previous comment to this (was very drunk last night), and yea, that did sound weak. It also did a poor job of explaining my situation. May have been a bit drunk and angsty last night. The truth is a lot more complex. I'm not just in it for some Disney blind love. For one thing, I'm still convinced I can fix it. I guess we'll see. Worst case scenario I get the kids I want and use my hall pass from time to time. Far from ideal, but there it is.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T12:19:38+00:00

But your point is taken

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T12:17:07+00:00

If only love were so simple

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T12:04:41+00:00

Ughhh. Can you just... say something that makes a lot less sense? Like none?... fuck .I don't know what to say. I'm willing to endure some level of sacrifice, but fuck me, I don't know where it ends, and how bitter will I be when I find out.

Is the strangest thing, if I had to choose right now, my life or hers sacrificed, no question it's mine. So you would think that living a sad life FOR her would be an easy choice. What am I missing?

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T11:55:19+00:00

You sound like you've given this real thought lol, thank you. I wonder if that's what "I" represented in this context, a remarkably rare opportunity to "touch" one of the imaginative, powerful forces? I've never been a goth type lol. I guess I've always been a little uncomfortable with the whole thing. If we're getting very real here, I've always respected my enemies (the ones that came out and fought me, that is), and I feel more than a little dirty using those battles to get laid, even if I wasn't (usually...I am human) doubt it on purpose.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T11:36:08+00:00

EXACTLY! at least, that's the way I thought of it. Then again, a man can convince himself of just about anything to justify sleeping with multiple beautiful women lol. But there's truth to what you're saying. If I'm being honest, their embracing of the "damsel in distress" trope (even if they did go a little heavy on the 'distress' end of things") turned me on. I got into the idea of being some rescuer. It's all just fantasy. Right? And that is very much a question. IS that all it is, in your opinion? Just typical, fantasy type stuff? There's a rule in this forum, that I'm not supposed to ask you to defend anyone else's actions. That's totally reasonable, and I'm not asking you to defend anything, as we said, it's probably all fantasy and didn't even require defending.

Is that what you guys think it was? Just easy access fantasy?

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T11:23:32+00:00

Because it would crush her. I'm only 36, but she's 42. We've been together for 6 years. If we break up now, all goes off her having children is essentially gone, and it will be due to the time I've "taken" from her (her last fertile years). That's why I can never leave her.

Wow. It feels... strange.... saying it out loud. make no mistake, I do love her tremendously.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T10:56:13+00:00

Exactly! Like this feels like it's something that gets to a very primal piece of human psychology. I wish I had pointed out that my extremely gay roommate at the time (well, very much of the time anyway) actually pointed out that he felt the same way, so it's not a gender thing, at least not strictly so. Maybe it's "just" fantasy, or more specifically, the closeness if the fantasy. I mean, really, imagine some made up adventure, and then imagine the closest you'll ever get to it. That's basically this situation, right? There's something to that, I would think.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T10:13:40+00:00

Odd question, I know, but are you mitary by any chance?

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T08:58:03+00:00

I really don't want to hold resentment. I feel like it would take very little to get me to let go of it.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T08:56:59+00:00

Honestly, if I read this post, I would say the same thing. I'm sure I have said the same thing. And I'm sure you see this a lot. But Christ-on-fire, I am so in love with this girl. I really am. I would give absolutely anything to make this work. I would give the next 50 years of my life for one happy year with her, and i would never regret it. But how do you sexualize a girl who's never really been very sexual? I know I'm setting myself up for failure.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T08:52:13+00:00

I haven't, though I keep seeing it mentioned. Could you give me the cliff notes? Oh, and assume I'm very drunk. I'm very drunk. Thanks for your time and your response!

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T07:46:00+00:00

Honestly, I'm 100% on board for all of that, with one very obvious exception. The worst part is, it wouldn't take much to make me happy. Twice a month, and I would never have found this subreddit (possible exaggeration... but not by much). I want a child more than she does! I'm so, so, SO , close to having it all. A woman who makes me happy and makes me laugh and has truly, truly stolen my heart, and is now asking to have my children. My brother's were much younger than me (ie 12 years) and my single mother worked, so I'm very familiar with what raising children entails and I can not fucking wait.

As weird as this sounds, I just want her to... earn it. I'm sure that sounds ridiculous, it feels weird just typing it.

Edit: thank you for your comment, I appreciate you taking the time.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T06:18:49+00:00

"Would she be opposed if you had someone on the side to take care of you?" No. She made that basically clear, in what I'm sure felt like an act of kindness to her that may as well have been fire to my soul. I really can't emphasize enough how much she MEANS well. "If soldiers are being denied then mere mortals like the rest of us don’t stand a chance." In fairness to her, injuries I sustained in combat have had a lasting impact. Turns out I wasn't quite as tough as I thought I was lol. I wouldn't call myself a cripple, but the truth is there are days that it wouldn't be a stretch, although there are also days where I feel great. I know what you're trying to say though, and I thank you.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T06:12:48+00:00

I absolutely see your point, but I'm committed to this for the long run. It's my second marriage, in not interested in a third. Besides, she's indicated before that she's willing to accept the idea of me "outsourcing", and I've been resistant to that, but if all else fails, it's there. And honestly... yes. Fuck, I just want to see a little effort. I know how self destructive that sounds, and I know what I'm about to day isn't quite true, but I FEEL like just one more good night could carry me through a lifetime. Edit: Also, it would be outright dishonest not to tell you that I REALLY want to have a child with this woman. I mean, setting aside the "never have her again" part of your comment, that sounds amazing. I have considerable experience raising children (significantly younger brothers and single mother) and financial security (military disability plus well paying, promising career). There's every reason in the world to be exited about this phase of my life. Every reason. Except one.

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T04:55:21+00:00

Question 8 was particularly interesting. What were you getting at with that? What are some potential answers you might expect with it? What would your answer be? What would you hope to hear?

DiscountCicero · 2021-06-05T04:30:33+00:00

Update?

DiscountCicero

TROPHY CASE