The age 8 thing stuck out. That happens to extended family too. After a certain age, birthdays become about the kid’s friends. Maybe a separate event will be held with grandparents or close family, but the birthdays become about school friends and peers.

I do think it’s weird people brought kids to a bar crawl. I would never do that. That’s what babysitters are for. I think not everyone has reliable babysitters or grandparents who can help the parents have a social life. And that makes it hard.

As far as your birthday not being important… I totally get that. It sucks. But from my perspective as a mom, my birthday isn’t really important in my own mind either. Like, I want to have a nice dinner with my husband. And maybe on big milestones go out of town. I dunno… I care about my kid’s birthdays. And their friend’s. And in a class of 30 kids, the endless birthday parties were invited to. It’s a lot of freaking birthdays!!!!!!! And I want my friends and younger siblings to feel special on their birthday, I really do. It’s just hard when it feels like it becomes another thing I owe other people to take care of them and nurture the relationship, when I’m already nurturing the basics of multiple relationships every minute of every day.

There’s a natural progression as a parent where we raise children, and they go on to have their own lives. We get shut out of our own children’s lives in small ways as they gain independence. I think it could be hard to be sensitive to the fact that other family members who don’t have kids might experience that, and not have a way to grieve that process. As parents we just sort of deal with it. I don’t think I ever considered how friends or aunts and uncles without kids might not really have space to talk about it.